Don't let your heart be hardened...

May it always be forgiving,
May it never know conceit.
May it always be encouraged,
May it never know defeat

The words come from an old Petra song that was recently quoted to me by a friend who knew I was facing persecution. I've become the subject of countless harmful rumors and the butt of an untold number of jokes. Pictures have been stolen from my Web site, mutilated, and then used to attack me. And the ringleader behind it all has one single purpose: to turn people against me and bring me down. It's especially hard, because he is friendly with some of those people he's trying to turn against me. Because they're his friends, they laugh when he makes jokes about me, and that makes my battle for respect even more difficult. It's an uphill struggle that may not end for a very long while.

Why me? I still don't know exactly why, but perhaps it's because I am in a position that is accompanied by a bit of fame and power, while this individual is not. The difference is that I did not ask for fame or power. In fact, I've now been given a glimpse of how very strenuous it is to live under a spotlight, where there is always the chance that my every move is being recorded by others.

Last night, I finally came face-to-face with this person who is trying so hard to hurt me. He tried to unnerve me, and he tried to dominate. He asked me questions in an attempt to force me to say things he might later use against me. I knew the only thing I could do would be to keep my dignity and not let him see that he had any effect on me.

I think I was successful. In his typical fashion, he later wrote about the incident, and I think he found himself with nothing bad to say about me. I had either avoided his questions, or I had given him evasive answers that, if repeated, would make it appear that I had come out ahead. He included a picture of himself shaking my hand, but even that did not make me look bad. Instead, it showed that I did not run when my enemy confronted me, and that I was cordial enough to shake his hand.

And now I come to the song lyrics I quoted above, and my reason for writing this. I regained a small amount of my shattered dignity last night, and with that small -- perhaps temporary -- victory, I realized that I can't let my enemy have a permanent effect on me. "Don't let your heart be hardened," the lyrics say, and it's true. This individual hurt me to the core, but I must not let him change me. I can't reach a point someday where I look back and say, "I hardened my heart and stopped caring because of him." If I do, it will mean that he has won.

Instead, I must read those lyrics yet again. I must reach the point where I can forgive this person. I have to not only say it to myself, but I also must believe it. For, in doing so, my heart will always be encouraged and will never know defeat.