Part 3: Devastating Acts of Diabolical Madness

(This being the third part in the increasingly accurately named ongoing saga of RinkUnion II.)

I forgot to mention the French bikers, didn't I? Well, there were a bunch of black-leather-clad French bikers (from Quebec, I assume) outside the EconoLodge Friday night before we went to bed. I don't know why I'm mentioning this, except that the phrase "French bikers" cracks me up for some reason. "Don't you go messin' with them French bikers, boy -- they'll snub you something awful!" Funny, funny stuff. Yep.

Saturday morning, we arrived at the conference room of the Comfort Inn to find that most of the other RinkyDinks were already there. Taking in the room at a glance, I immediately spotted that person, and so-and-so over there, and someone else whose identity is just on the *tip* of my frontal lobes... Actually it only took a few moments to figure out who was who. Jacqueline and I took a seat at one of the tables that Sam had arranged, classroom-style, facing the lectern (not "podium") at one end of the room. The seating arrangement, which I will try to reproduce from memory, was as follows:

[ . . . . Matthew . Ayako . . . . ] . . . . . [ . . Leen . Ticia . Don . . ]

[ . Jaguar . Ellmyruh . famous . ] . . . . . [ . . . . Mousie . Dave . . . . ]

[ Stephen . Mia . Mina . Darien ] . . . . [ . . Tim . Princess Leia . . ]

[ Cynthia . Ahmoacah . Rivikah ] . . . [ Iss . Jacq . Tamara . Faux Pas ]

[ . . . . . Amy . Grishny . . . . . ]

Configured thusly, we spent the morning engaged in such activities as: listening to Sam's movie star impressions; listening to Sam read amusing e-mails from visitors to RinkWorks; listening to Dave read his review of "Leprechaun in the Hood"; distributing party favor-style gifts; watching Rivikah make a RULING mobile; playing a memory game; and just generally chatting, with Ellmyruh having ops powers to kick unruly chatters.

When lunch time came, we divided into two groups: Jacqueline, Tamara and I, who wanted to organize going out for a non-Burger King lunch; and everyone else, who were milling about acting all happy and oblivious to the fact that IT WAS TIME TO EAT SOME LUNCH ALREADY. Eventually, we split up: eight of us (Grish, Amy, Faux and Mrs. Pas, Cynthia, Ahmocah, Jacqueline and I) drove down the street to a restaurant called T-Bone's, where we consumed dainty delectables and made droll, high-class conversation. The other group probably went to Burger King and goofed off on the kiddie playground. In short, the other group behaved like genuine RinkyDinks -- kudos to them.

After lunch we had our Poetry Reading, during which two honest-to-goodness poems were read that I recall. The rest was pure runaway hooliganism, especially the part where Mia got seven or eight notes into a song before stopping and making us wait several minutes while she went upstairs to get the lyrics. Way to flaunt your control over us, Miss Co-Dictator!

Finally it was time to watch TEH BETS MOOVIE EVAR: Sinbad of the Seven Seas, starring Lou Ferrigno!!!! I can't even describe the experience of watching this movie with a roomful of fellow bad movie watchers. You'll just have to come to RinkUnion III and find out for yourselves.

After Sinbad it was time for dinner. Remember Groups 1 and 2 from lunchtime? Same dealie. The Highly Motivated Diner faction (Grish, Faux and Mrs. Pas, Ahmoacah, Jacqueline and I) chose to go to an Italian restaurant called Fratelli's (I think), which was situated in a renovated warehouse building in downtown Armpit -- um, Manchester. We asked to be seated outside so we could enjoy the balmy evening weather, blissfully unaware that our movements were being observed by the Flesh-Eating Mosquitos of Pestilence. Midway through our (disappointingly mediocre) meal, they launched their attack [insert "Flight of the Valkyries" music], chortling in tiny sinister voices at the inefficacy of the citronella candle burning right next to our table. Our passionate discussion of Grover's superiority over Elmo irrevocably derailed, we paid our bill and left at the earliest opportunity.

The rest of the evening was Every RinkyDink For Himself. A bunch of people, seemingly led by famous, played the Da-Da-Da Plastic Bottle Percussion Gme for about a month of Sundays without stopping. At one point they inadvertently summoned the spirit of K., who cried "Sam is teh Evil" before vanishing in a puff of logic. Other Rinkies who deemed themselves too 733T to play, or even watch, the Plastic Bottle Percussion Game, went off and did some other stuff. Among them was Darien, who had tantalized me with some RULING-looking board games and card games earlier in the day, and then never showed up later to play them, the l4m3r. /huge Darien.

We wrapped up Saturday by bidding farewell to Princess Leia, Tim and Ahmoacah, who wouldn't be joining us for the H4RDC0R3 hike on Sunday. However, they left with some nice parting gifts. Tell them what they've won, Johnny!

"Well, Iss, today's departing RinkyDinks will receive a rubber ducky from Mousie, an official RinkWorks Strawberry Corer (not for use on grapes), Dave's business card, a "teach sent me a hug" badge, a www.srcsd.com ballpoint pen, gator sticker, and plastic rose from Ellmyruh, and a chocolate EquiWorks business card from Leen!"

Next: Go take a hike!