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> How I'd react to being asked out by someone with no money: it depends on the person and the situation. You say you're out of work by choice. If it's a potential long-term relationship, obviously you'll have to take into account your girlfriend's views about your reasons for that choice. >

Yes, that was the first thing that came to my mind--it would matter to me *why* you were not working. Temporary circumstances* that precluded employment would be okay, but not plain lack of ambition or direction. That's just not attractive.

>If it's not, or (more likely) if you don't know yet, I don't see why anybody in their right mind should have a problem with how much money their date earns (unless one of you is broke and the other is pulling down a six-figure income, in which case things start to seem highly suspicious).

This sounds fine and I agree with it on paper...but people's attitude about money is one of those subjects people are quirky and sometimes
irrational about in real life. People will *say* it doesn't matter who earns more, him or her, but then they'll keep a mental scorecard on who's paid for what all the same. Or they feel like the man should always pay for things, or on the contrary maybe she always wants to go "dutch" so as not to feel obligated in any way... Right or wrong, "in their right mind" or not, I think the thing is you have to figure out what is *your* attitude towards the whole money/dating thing and see how your potential dates fit in with it (or how you fit into *their* vision of "how it should be"). Sometimes it's easier if you're hanging out with a group that has "unwritten rules" about this sort of thing...for instance, when I was dating, the rule was "whoever does the asking, does the paying" which avoided a lot of misunderstandings, especially when low on cash.
(..seems like I recall reading somewhere that this was one reason people tend to stick with their own socio-economic groups: because the rules/expectations are "understood")

What was harder was when I dated someone from outside the community. In his culture, the man paid for everything, period. I didn't have a problem with this per se, except sometimes it got to the point of silliness, because (of course)
he was just a student putting himself through school and often didn't have any money. So even though I had $20 in my pocket, I would end up ordering something like a half a grapefruit when he took me to dinner, and then go home hungry because it would have hurt his pride if I paid for a decent meal for us (or even just for myself). (Heh--yes, we broke up and no, I wouldn't put up with that attitude today :-) )
I guess that illustrates that lack of money *can* be annoying to a date but it doesn't have to be, it depends on both your attitudes toward it.


> My real answer to your question, though, is: unless you're planning on asking the collective members of the Rinkforum out on a date, none of these answers are necessarily going to be helpful. Ask the girls you want to date and see what *they* think. That's the only answer which counts in this case, I'm afraid.

Yes, so true--generalities and statistics don't mean anything when you get down to individuals...

koala"which is what makes life interesting"mom


*or even more permanent circumstances, like a disability, for instance.