> Viewpoint 1: Romantic trivia in everyday life, such as little spontaneous compliments, saying you love someone, giving them flowers, random hugs and kisses etc, devalue a relationship because it means there's nothing left to say on the occasions when you really *mean* it. It's better to be honest and only do these things when the feeling genuinely strikes you that way. It's better to be told you look nice maybe twice a year when you know the person absolutely means it with all their heart, than to be told you look nice on a daily basis when obviously that can't always be true.
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> Viewpoint 2: Romantic trivia like the above improves a relationship because it lets the person know you're thinking of them and you want to make them feel good. It's a way of letting the person know you love them, regardless of whether the actual meaning of the compliment is currently true. It's better to feel visibly loved (if that makes any sense) than to know the person loves you enough not to lie to you. If the person loves you, surely they ought to feel that way a lot of the time anyway.

I'm not sure why I'm responding to this post, but when fancy strikes me, I generally follow it. Whether or not it will make any sense remains to be seen.

I would generally agree with Viewpoint #2, but there are a few times when I wouldn't. Through no choice of my own, I'm co-dependent on people. I like people, and I like having them around (although I've discovered that they can be in person or online and it doesn't matter). I like to be accepted, and I like to know that people value me for who and what I am. While I don't need specific praise, a small show of affection can go a long way for me.

However, I'm also independent. I hate taking "hand-outs" from others because I'm often too proud to accept them as gifts. (I know this is due in part to some events in my life when I was growing up, but that has obviously had a lasting effect.) Unless I truly see the gift as nothing more than a gift, I feel guilty, and that certainly does not make me feel more loved and accepted.

So, in terms of relationships, where does this all lead to? I think people in a relationship adapt to and feed off one another. Both people should be sensitive and aware enough to see and recognize what the other person needs in order to feel loved. I think that too much affection is probably better than not enough, though, because trying to create fake affection in order to please the other person is destined for failure. On the other hand, if too much affection makes the other person feel uncomfortable, that affection can be channeled elsewhere and be shown in less obtrusive ways.

Bottom line: Honesty.

Ell"Thinking of going back eliminating all uses of "I" to make the post less self-centered"myruh