> I'd like opinions on this. It's something I've been vaguely wondering about for a while, and a conversation I had yesterday brought it to mind again.
>
> Which of the following viewpoints do you agree more with? Or do you have a different view entirely?
>
> Viewpoint 1: Romantic trivia in everyday life, such as little spontaneous compliments, saying you love someone, giving them flowers, random hugs and kisses etc, devalue a relationship because it means there's nothing left to say on the occasions when you really *mean* it. It's better to be honest and only do these things when the feeling genuinely strikes you that way. It's better to be told you look nice maybe twice a year when you know the person absolutely means it with all their heart, than to be told you look nice on a daily basis when obviously that can't always be true.
>
> Viewpoint 2: Romantic trivia like the above improves a relationship because it lets the person know you're thinking of them and you want to make them feel good. It's a way of letting the person know you love them, regardless of whether the actual meaning of the compliment is currently true. It's better to feel visibly loved (if that makes any sense) than to know the person loves you enough not to lie to you. If the person loves you, surely they ought to feel that way a lot of the time anyway.
>
> Obviously I'm not talking about *big important* things in a relationship, where honesty is ALWAYS the most important, but just the little extras like the ones mentioned above. I'm really divided on this question. On the one hand, I feel very strongly about the importance of honesty in small matters as well as big ones. On the other hand, well, maybe I'm still living in a mushy teenage fantasy world. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
>
> Brunnen-"will be very interested to see whether the replies divide along gender lines"G

Mostly the first one. "I love you" loses a little bit of intensity when you say it at the end of every phone conversation and anytime one goes somewhere without the other. Hearing that you look nice every time you put only everyday effort into getting ready makes it feel a little insincere. But being treated like you're merely a part of the furnishings doesn't exactly keep the love alive. I do think, however, that the "little things" change over the years. Where, in the past, someone might have always professed astonishment at how lovely you looked, over time, he might instead leave you the last of the milk Tuesday night because he knows you like cereal on Wednesday mornings. It is important, in the long haul, to keep the little reminders in there, but it's just as important to recognize them when they change form. And there might be nothing better to elicit a little affection than being the first to show some.

Mou"needs badly to take her own advice"sie