> Wow. What a thought-provoking post, Matthew.
>

Hear-hear!

> Wondering how we appear to other people is *scary*. Especially when you think about the wildly different perceptions which different people seem to have of us. I've been told by various people, all of whom were in a position to know, that I am 1) a very warm caring person, 2) pathologically incapable of caring about anybody but myself, 3) somebody with a great sense of humour, 4) somebody with a pathetic sense of humour who should just stop even trying, 5) antisocial, 6) social, 7) introverted, 8) extroverted, and so on. I've just about given up trying to decide whether I'm basically somebody I would like if I met them. Physically, I have occasional bursts of thinking "Woo hoo, I look GREAT!" but I soon get back to reality once I realise that few other people seem to think so. I guess "has potential" is about my limit where looks are concerned.
>
> I think one of the ways you can define friends are that they're the people who make you feel more like the person you always wanted to be, and less like the person you probably actually are.
>
> Brunnen-"and best of all, they help turn you into that person"G


My personal 'solution' to this dilemma was reached after having plenty of this kind of experiences and thoughts (ok - not plenty experience, I'd like some more, please :-)) of this type. It involves being confident in who you are - basically saying "I'm ok as I am" - and using this as a criterium for deciding who you like and who you don't, all the while being open to self-improvement. There isn't something wrong with me, simply because there isn't such a thing as a single scale of goodness: There are many parallel and intertwined ones, and some might even go in opposite directions. All the same, it is interesting to know what people think of you: You are bound to be surprised and intrigued - but hopefully not too scared!

I would actually modify the definition so that friends are people who make you feel good about who you are and who you want to be. That is, they help you evolve as a person without dragging your current personality through the dirt. Maybe this was what you ment, it depends on the mood of the statement "probably actually are".

jul"exhausted my expressive powers"ian