A few notes before I start. Firstly, I can't remember everything about this movie, so this review might be a little unclear in parts. Secondly, there are a *lot* of Star Wars rip-offs. You are warned.

Anyhoo, it starts on this giant space tour ship, with three women with huge fluffy '80s hairdos watching a super nova or something. Obviously, since a super nova is not something you want to get close to, the ship is in danger and they all have to take escape pods out. The three women land on this desert planet (can you say Tatooine?) and are immediately captured by a bunch of dirty scavengers.

Cut to another spaceship. Our "Hero" is the pilot (I write that with quotes because he's not terribly interesting), and his girlfriend is in his bed. Yuh huh, anyway. At one point the girlfriend stutters, Our "Hero" presses the back of her neck, and she continues talking normally. At this point my sister said, "Okay, she's an android. Got it."

Our "Hero" decides to look for the three missing women, because of the reward or something. So he lands on the planet, and then fights with a bunch of *other* scavengers, but then makes friends with them. In the fight his android breaks down. So much for that character.

One of the scavengers mutters something about a big terrible badguy (isn't there always one?), saying that the Big Terrible Badguy (BTB)'s henchmen took the three women. He also wishes he could kill the BTB or something, but it doesn't really matter. Our "Hero" pretty much ignores him and continues on his way. If only he knew what his way even was.

While roaming through the desert randomly in his dune buggy, Our "Hero" meets a girl about 17 years old. The back of the video box for this movie described her as a "waif", which told me I would hate her immediately. How right I was.

After a bit of bickering between them, The Waif tells Our "Hero" she knows the way to the BTB's lair, and will show him in exchange for food and stuff. He forces her to take a bath in an oasis first, and it's FUNNY. *sarcastic laughter*

The whole middle of the movie is roaming around the desert, meeting with a foul-mouthed Police Guy, wrecking Police Guy's dune buggy, and meeting up with icky aliens.

Eventually, they make it to the BTB's hideout. Well, it's not really a hideout, since it's a huge black castle in the desert and rather conspicuous. It seems the BTB is just the top half of a human torso connected to this large cybernetic computer junk. The BTB has his henchmen undress the three women slowly, because this evidently refreshes his power supply. Whatever.

The BTB also has this maze that looks like the set of "Junkyard Wars", only equipped with flame throwers and pits with spikes on the bottom of them. Actually, pretty much the whole movie looks like "Junkyard Wars".

Our "Hero" and Police Guy (who joined the team, apparantly) enter the BTB's castle, Our "Hero" telling The Waif not to go in, 'cause it's dangerous. So of course she does anyway, and quite predictably gets caught. The BTB forces her into his maze, and she actually does better than the people who were before her. Our "Hero" and Police Guy rescue the now-rather-frazzled women, and start to leave. Then Our "Hero" finds out that The Waif is captured and goes back in to save her, because he cares about her now. I have no idea when or why he started to like her, and he never gave any indication before.

So he rescues her, and the BTB blows up. The end. Ta-da. I suppose Our "Hero" adopts The Waif or something, but I really don't care.

Scene To Watch For: Our "hero" is startled by a chicken.

Best Line: "Whatever you say, Princess"

Things That Make You Go "Huh?": Why does Our "Hero" care about the Waif so suddenly?

Rating: 4 Turkeys with a group, 2 if you watch this late at night with your sister, like I did.

Qua "Did I mention you can see the zippers on the backs of some of the aliens?" rtz