I have a microwave. I didn't go out and buy the thing. I specifically didn't own a microwave because I *like* cooking. I like reheating things up on the stove or in the toaster oven. Call me silly, but I like to cook something all the way through, not just on the outside.

Enter Mother. She cannot fathom why we would be without a microwave. It couldn't be because we have no counter space, could it? It couldn't be because we'll probably use it only once every six months, if we actually used it, could it?

After months of telling us that we NEED a microwave, guess what we got for Christmas? The most useless microwave ever.

To set the time to cook, you turn a dial. The dial goes to thirty. As in thirty minutes. A half hour. What requires a half hour to microwave?

The dial is broken down into multiples of two. Between these marks are three gray squares, so there's really two white lines between the minutes. So the dial looks like this: | | 2 | | 4 | | 6 ... In other words, it's broken down into 40 second segments. Very handy. Very near-impossible to accurately microwave something for an amount of time one would normally microwave something.

I just microwaved something for three minutes and forty-five seconds, I think. I don't know. Whenever I have to nuke something, I crank that thing to twenty minutes and have to use a kitchen timer. Stupid microwave.

-Faux "This message has no point." Pas