> Here's a question for all the married couples of the rink forum: What is it like to be married? It's been on my mind a lot lately, because my girlfriend and I talk about it a lot. I think its really scary to think about, like how do you know if that person is the one? What's it like to have someone that wants to spend their entire life with you? That blows my mind, its hard to think that someone can love somebody that much. And it's scary to think that my girlfriend and I are talking about it now. I guess I just wanted to know what your opinions on the matter are.

I was unsure whether I qualify to respond in this thread, being divorced, but then I figured, "Tough."

First, every single person before me had something accurate and legitimate to say. My frame of reference is a little different, though, coming from a failed marriage rather than a (so far) successful one. Think in terms of that whole "learning from mistakes" thing.

I think, like someone said, choosing your lifetime mate is -- or at least should be -- less some sort of magic realization that the person is someone you want to spend your life with, like most people seem to look for, but more a *decision* that the person is someone you will stay with, even in those times when you don't *want* to. And those times will come. That's what people mean when they say love isn't enough.

As for what marriage itself is like, no one else has mentioned what for me was its greatest asset, though they have referred to some of its effects: marriage gives you a *center* I've found nowhere else. It makes you feel like you finally *know* something instead of having to wonder. It's hard to explain, but it's kind of like one of life's main questions has been answered for you, so now you're free to focus on other things. A foundation, if you will. You can kind of go, "Oh, okay, I get it, cool. Now let's move on."


*forgive what might be perceived as cynicism in the "(so far)." I mean, come on, with the exception of B_G, most of these couples have been married less than five years, and few of them have children. Read nothing more into it, please.