> > Um. This isn't exactly on the topic of rant files, and it may be a tad late for me to be saying this. It does, however, have to do with "throwing away" and chucking stuff that one has written, indirectly. The case in point here is myself. For when I think about it, it looks like my exscinding my own words is something I am doing very often. :-(
> >
> > For example, I seem to be in the habit of writing long (and short) messages on various topics which, for one reason or another, I never actually post. I would guess I'm tossing out three of four messages that I write. And I've been doing this consciously (and unconsciously, I'd imagine) for... erm... two years now? *frustration*
> >
> > Well, these "stillborn thoughts" aren't actually gone... I think I can drag many of them out of the tape backups of caches at work, if I wanted to. But still! Why am I apparently resolved to doing this?? The themes that I always want to talk about (but which I don't, because I delete them) tend to be about spiritual, cognitive, or highly emotional issues. I don't know why. Perhaps because such posts would go either of two ways; and be either controversial (i.e., engender "long turbid debates on major theological/political/sexual issues"), or they would go in the other direction and be of relevance to only a very few people. Argh. I know I'm getting conflicted here, but I'm too tired. I don't know; maybe you can help me figure this out.
>
> I do the same thing, but I seldom get to the writing stage. Mostly, I plan out these complex posts in my head and later decide they are either too personal, too controversial, too uninteresting, or (horrors) all three at once.
>
> I think "forum post" has become a convenient mental template I use to work out these things for myself. I have never written down my feelings in a diary or "rant file" as people describe, and I don't usually talk about them. My natural reaction to anything which upsets me a lot, or affects me strongly, is to clam up and spend hours or days mentally arguing with myself about it. I suppose that process is an end in itself.
>
> By half-fooling myself that I intend to write it down and post it on the forum, I manage to clarify what I really think about the topic or event, and maybe tie up a lot of the loose ends. By the time I've got it all worked out, it's in a form that I *could* type out and post here, and at that stage there doesn't seem to be any point anymore. So I guess the real reason I do it has more to do with the inside of my own head than any desire to communicate it to others.

*

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... someone has finally articulated this. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember... most of what I write never makes it past my screen, and most of my replies to messages are only in my mind.

I can't add much at all to B-G's decription of the process and motivation... quoting shamelessly from my poetry page: "... The act of writing makes me focus my thoughts. To set a thing down in words first requires decision, and commitment to what one is saying; the diffuse, divergent thoughts and emotions must be captured and made to cohere. I write to be forced to make and examine these decisions, and not for any potential audience... "

Also, some of what I write eventually makes it out, but to the forum it was originally intended for... most of my replies to mailing list postings are offlist, as I realize there is only one person I want to discuss the issue with. Sommetimes I'll have a post written and realize it's not a fully formed thought, and I'll sit on it for a few weeks... months... years... until I have something more to add to it and it turns into an essay, detached from the original forum entirely.

Incidentally - most of my most valuable writing and self-discovery have come from EMails to a very good friend of mine, with whom I regularly exchange 3000-word letters... the only person I've ever met I felt comfortable sharing half-formed thoughts about serious things to. Most of the writing I do comes from something brought up first in one of those letters.

It's rare I get the courage to post, though. Usually takes me at least 6 months lurking somewhere before I start to post; RinkWorks is the most publicly involved I've ever been in a forum.

Before I digress too far from what I originally intended to say, and relegate this too to the unsent file...

-Fob"thanks for sparking the thoughts, Wolf and B-G"ulis