>One thing I did know: I figured out a long time ago that you worked in the computer industry!

Actually, that's only a cover job. He's really an international spy. Bond - Sam Bond. He works for R.I.N.K., the top-secret international spy organization and launderette chain. If the updates seem to fall off for awhile, that's why - Sam's off fighting crime on foreign soil.

In his most recent escapade, he saved the world from Aerosmith. After the success of "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing," the rock group slash super-powered terrorist organization decided that it was high time that they begin their plans for world domination. Even Sam had a hard time with that case, but, eventually, they fell hard. R.I.N.K. found replacements, for them, though, so their departure won't seem so abrupt; the replacements will pretend to be Aerosmith for quite awhile, yet. One innocent bystander killed in the carnage was Liv Tyler; R.I.N.K. has to replace her with a robot (fortunately, there won't be a noticable difference in her acting ability).

If you look back through history, you'll find many incidents where terrible situations have miraculously become better. Chances are Sam - or one of the other operatives of R.I.N.K. - was responsible. They're everywhere. They're usually beneficient, but some of them have mean streaks, and then they get unusually cruel. That's where "Really Bad Jokes" came from - Sam (or "Sam Bond") having a cruel fit.

How do I know all this? Don't even bother. Explaining me would take much more time than we have. Suffice to say, I know. I always know. It's my job.

Oh, and one more thing - did you think it was a coincidence that S.A.M. is an acronym for "Secret Agent Man?"

Dar "No, not "Surface to Air Missile!" ien