Well, I thought I'd start a new thread for this, since things have changed somewhat. (I wanted to type this up last night, but my internet connection was down... Which I still don't understand, since my roommate's connection was working fine, and we are networked with our cable modem, and the hub said I was connected... Very frustrating.)

It's only been two days, but I'm doing much better already. Let me give you a brief synopsis of the conversations I have had with Amanda the last two nights.

Wednesday: Fear, sorrow, frustration, a little bit of anger, suffering, lots of crying (from both of us), no laughing. Arguments about a number of things, some accusations thrown (not many), a bunch of self-pity.

Thursday: Started off with some more frustration. I asked a bunch of really hard questions, pretty much all of which were answered with "I don't know". I believe that answer-- If she knew the reasons for the things that went on, we probably wouldn't be in a position where I needed to be asking the questions. I cried a bit more, and so did she. But then we went on to talking about how good things were, and happy memories. She admitted that she has wondered if she made a mistake breaking up with me, and we both agreed that despite that, we know now that we are better off not to try to get back together. We talked about how things were going to be as friends. We talked about the way things were when we were friends before we started going out. We talked about music, and animals, and going skating together when she comes home at christmas this year. We talked about crying at each other's weddings years down the road. We talked about becoming each other's second-best friends. (We each have somebody who is a closer friend because of closer understanding-- My best friend is a Christian and loves God more than anything else, like me, and her best friend loves animals more than anything else, like her.) We laughed a bit, and in the last hour of the conversation, only she cried, and only once, and even then only because something I said made her very happy. Tears of joy are nice. :-)

I'm not over this relationship; it would be crazy to think that I could be after thirty-six hours. But I'm not in agony today, and I don't think I will be. We are being very honest with each other (she told me about the incident in the bar last weekend, and didn't have to) and we are rediscovering that friendship that we have been losing in the last few months. And we are finding reasons to be friends.

Thanks you for everyone who has been helping me out the last two days. I will still need some support, but I am doing much better now. I am looking forward to making a happy weekend for myself: I plan to get my room cleaned completely for the first time since I moved into my current home more than a year ago. Wish me luck. :-)

Don "The Monkey'Thanks again for being there, folks'man" Jackson