As I said in my other message, I just browsed the stuff from my hiatus, and I found something from the very beginning that I just couldn't let go. Sorry, Sam, I know it's frightening, but this battle must needs be fought!

Have at thee, Issachar!

Chapter 2:

Darien (hereafter "Darienus"), browsing through the RinkWorks message forum after a long absence and catching up on what he missed, accidentally activated an ancient trap left for him by his nemesis-and-possibly-evil-twin-and-possibly-self, Lymph Globules! The virtual fist burst forth from his screen, startling all of the other people currently working mercilessly at their terminals in the Elmira College Computer Lab. Darienus, thinking quickly, stuck his hand up vertically in front of his face, anticipating the two-fingered eye poke the fist was about to deliver. His plan worked beautifully. "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk," Darienus chuckled. The fist in its mindless anger slapped the side of his face and dissolved into a heap of ones and zeros.
Darienus, enraged, grabbed one of the cables protruding from the shattered monitor, and slowly squeezed his way inside of it, forcing himself through the LAN and down the T1, until eventually he found himself crawling on the World Wide Web itself. "Wow," Darienus thought to himself, "Just like in "The Lawnmower Man 2!""

Our hero then heroically decided then that he has no need for his heroic green corded sweater in this heroic virtual quest. He heroically ripped the sweater from his heroic torso. "I'm too sexy for my shirt, anyway" he proclaimed heroically.
He sent his heroic gaze out over the virual horizon. "Lymph Globules!" he cried heroically, "I'm coming for you!" His heroic words, twisted and warped by the alien forces of this plane, formed themselves into the daggers that they existed as only metaporically moments ago, and struck off down the netscape, bursting forth from Lymph Globules'screen and pinning him deftly to his chair.

Darienus laughed heroically as he journeyed across the vastness to deliver the final stroke.