> I'm really very wary of relying on the help of people who only know you online. Especially if you're a teenager, because I personally can never tell the difference between suicidal depression and the normal teenage condition. (I'm NOT saying this to belittle your problem, just pointing out that there are some things it's very hard to give advice about without talking in person.) Unqualified support and friendship is certainly something we rinkies can provide any time you need it, though. :-)

> It's you we all care about. From your description, your problem is serious enough to be causing you great concern. So I really, really recommend that you get some qualified help, soon. You sound very bothered by this and I'd hate to think something bad might happen if you just let it get worse.

I think Brunnen_G did a pretty job answering your post, but I want to add to it to let you know that I read your post and I do care. I think you're very strong for actually putting some of your feelings down in writing and asking for help. I, for one, offer friendship and support at any time.

If you're in elementary, high school, or college, find a counselor. They're free, and they legally must keep things confidential. If you're not in school, or you feel uncomfortable talking to the school counselors, talk to a doctor. You can call a crisis hotline and they can both talk to you over the phone and refer you to someone.

Honestly, I've never been suicidal (near a nervous breakdown, yes) but I had a friend in high school who was. She didn't want help and it was a heart-breaking thing. However, the story does not end sadly. She's in college, doing well, and she's gotten some counseling. It's made a big difference in her life.