> You have need of critique?! Don't think it requires it. Structure, sense, and mood are proficient and pleasing. Definite thumbs up for this one. :-)
>

oh... well thank you =)

> It evokes a specific flower image for me... the beautiful Hybrid Tea rose known as "Sunset Celebration". And I do have a question, because I'm curious. Is the part that goes,
>
> > As petals open
> > The dust of emotions
> > Long untouched
> > Powders the ground
> > And she sneezes,
> > withdraws
> > From the presence of pain.
>
> Is this part describing the precious pollen at the center of the flower... or, maybe the waxy protective "dust" that covers the glossy green sepals (outer petals) of a bud? Oh, and how, or why does the flower "sneeze"?

hm.... well i guess i had a couple images in mind writing this poem... one of them was of a rose opening yes... but the other, rather in conjunction with that, was of some sort of box being opened.... one with lots of hidden doors and secret compartments, where you keep finding new things... like, putting them together, things are hidden in the petals of the rose, and they come out as each petal folds back. so... i guess i wasn't thinking of pollen or the waxy stuff when i wrote it... if you want one or the other though, it would be the pollen, cause it's inside, not outside.

as for the flower sneezing.... it just seemed right. dust makes people sneeze... and how? mm, i guess i see it as a quick shudder of the petals, followed by them snapping shut.

>
> Anyway unipeg, hope you have a title for this lovely lyrical piece. As Thee Zachary says, "a poem without a title is like a hug without the squeeze." :-)

i still don't, but i'm working on it

>
> Wolfspirit

uni"if you decide to put it in PP, Sam, there are a few errors that need to be fixed"peg