> I'm scared to death. In 4 months, I'll be officially a senior. In 7 months, my brother will be gone forever (except for vacations). In a year, I'll know what college I'm going to go to (probably... I'll at least know which I want to go to). In a year and seven months, I'll be gone forever. I'll have to move hundreds of miles away, and make new friends, and deal with schoolwork without my parents on my back, and after that get a apartment and a job.... This is the first time that the fact that I'm growing up and everything will change has hit me. I'm not upset about getting out of High School or DC, but this is the first year I've really been happy with my life. I'm finally over the teenage "I'm ugly and fat" thing (although that won't change in college, probably).... actually, I guess it's the fact that this is the first year that I've had really good friends who believe the same stuff as me who I can talk to about anything... and the thought that I'll lose touch with many of them and have to leave them just hurts a lot.... I'm scared to death. I don't want my childhood to end. I don't want these 17 years to be all I have with my family. I don't want anything to change. How do you guys deal with it? Those of you in high school, how do you deal with knowing you have to leave? If you're in college, how'd you deal with leaving? If you're past that, what little tidbits of wisdom do you have for a teenager who is scared of the Real World?
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> Well, at least I'll have you guys.... you'll still be here, waiting for me at my computer, right?
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> uni"i feel like i'm writing a Dear Abby letter"peg

Ok, now you're scaring me. This post could have been written by me a year or so ago. I didn't really have friends that I could really say I loved or trusted, and was loved and trusted by, until about halfway through junior year. That was also the first time I was really able to combat a corrosive self-pity and lack of confidence that sometimes still haunts me.

For me, the first half of senior year was a blast. I got closer to my friends than I had ever been, got into college with a nice scholarship. I gained confidence, and my first real faith. Second half of senior year, however, was hell, and I hope it isn't the same way for you. One of my best friends (whom I had secretly had romantic feelings for for years) told me she didn't want to be around me any more, with little explanation. Another good friend developed psycological problems and I was worried about a possible suicide.

I became terrified of leaving. I thought that since it had taken me 3 years to make friends in high school that the same would be true in college. I was frightened to pack up my life in boxes and leave the only people who had ever accepted me.

At the same time, as the second semester wore on, I knew I needed to leave. I felt like my school and parents had ceased to nurture and educate, and were now just sucking the life out of me. Half of my friends had become a burden, and by graduation there were about 3 people in my graduating class that I could stand.

When I got to college first semester, I thought some of my fears had come true. I had a hard time making friends for about the first half of the semester. Soon, though, I discovered people who could be accpeting and supporting. I realized that I didn't simply unlearn the painful lessons learned in high school; all of the experiences of my life have helped me cope with the change.

It hasn't all been easy, and I can't say my life is perfect now. There are still some Friday nights where I sit in my room alone, feeling sorry for myself. I haven't had a girlfriend since 7th grade, and still have no idea what I'm supposed to do when it comes to women. However, the long, dark nights aren't all that long or frequent anymore, and I always know that the voice of doubt and fear is a liar.

As for my advice, well first and foremost, you do have time left. Don't forget that. Enjoy your senior year. Make the most of your friends, family, and classes.

If the *ahem* hits the fan your senior year like it did in the second half of mine and things get rough: keep a level head. Stay sane. Keep your good friends and find solace and comfort in something.

As far as college goes, be open to new people and experiences. Don't sacrifice what you believe in, but don't be afraid to change it either. Be open with others and always be nothing more or less than what you are. Finally and most importantly, don't give in to fear. To paraphrase what a wise priest said on a retreat this fall, use God's gifts of love and confidence; shame, doubt, and fear all come from the other one.

I don't know what affect this advice can have; in my experience such things must be learned firsthand, not related by someone else. You have quite a journey ahead of you. Good luck.

Bal "Mr. Verbose Posts" anthalus