10) You become hostile when it takes more than a month to update 'Computer Stupidities.'
9) You have Dialectized stuff so many times that you're now fluent in Redneck.
8) Your favorite word is 'sanguine.'
7) You tell your English teacher, "Well I haven't read *all* of Anna Karenina, but I did read the ultra-condensed version."
6) You stay up until 4:30 in the morning to catch a film called "Sinbad of the Seven Seas", just because Dave gave it five turkeys.
5) You lie awake at night and agonize over the reader poll question.
4) You think Stupid Day ought to be made a federal holiday.
3) Your goal in life is to usurp Stephan's position and become the Supreme Dictator.
2) You do not find number 3 to be at all odd.
1) You are held hostage by terrorists, and the one thing that gets you through the ordeal is the thought, "Gee, this'll sure make a great story for the RinkForum."