News Flash, Pasedena, California, Dec. 6, 1999 --
JPL scientists have determined that spacecraft sent to probe conditions on Mars, are being shot down by Martian defense forces. Head project engineer Rocky Crashsite has determined that the Martians misunderstood the purpose of the noisy probes that have been slicing through the atmosphere of the red planet, firing rockets, dropping mini-probes, popping parachutes and spilling protective fairings onto the surface. The current score is Mars 4, JPL 0.

In a related matter, authorities in several southern states are trying to determine if a bright light that illuminated the deep south last night was a bolide or simply a return shot from Mars.
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