> May 6 - Thor
>
> The studio seems confident about Thor, positioning it in one of the most
> lucrative weekends of the summer (where Iron Man previously knocked one and
> a half out of the park), instead of dumping it in the off-season. But Marvel
> needs this one to strike gold, or Tony Stark's going to have to carry
> The Avengers all by himself. And the trailer, I must say, looks awful.

No joke. Ugh. I guess people are still excited for that Avengers movie, but... uhm. Why?

> May 6 - The Beaver

This entire movie has to be some elaborate hoax, right? No way is this a legitimate project. Jodie Foster. Mel Gibson. Talking beaver puppet.

Seriously, I've been telling people about this movie for months and they all think I'm lying.

> May 20 - Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

> Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley have ridden off into the sunset; replacing
> them are Penelope Cruz and Ian McShane, which sure seem like an improvement.

Ian McShane is playing Blackbeard, which is too bad. I would have loved if he were playing Al Swearengen, his ruthless saloon/brothel-owning character from the great HBO series Deadwood. Granted it would make it an R-rated movie, but Al Swearengen vs. Jack Sparrow would be the greatest cinematic showdown of all time.

> May 27 - The Hangover, Part II
>
> The first movie was better than it had any right to be, but the early word on
> the sequel is pretty weak.

A friend of mine kept insisting for the longest time that this was going to be good. I kept joking that they were just going to do the '80s movie sequel thing: "I can't believe we're back in Vegas and we all forgot about last night... AGAIN!"

Then I saw the trailer. It's the same movie, but in Thailand. It even includes the line, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN!"

Clearly I need to be a hack screenwriter. I have what it takes, Hollywood! Just wait until I pitch my movie in which Kevin James plays a down-on-his-luck Detroit Lions fan who wins the lottery and buys the team, only to make himself head coach!


> May 27 - The Tree of Life
>
> I've lost count of how many times I've already previewed this upcoming Terrence
> Malick flick. It keeps getting pushed back. Maybe the studio felt it was
> violating some law of the universe that Malick movies shouldn't come out more
> often than about once a decade. Anyway, I refer you to my earlier blurbs
> about this movie.

MALICK MALICK MALICK!

It doesn't matter how long it takes between movies. What I know is I will get a movie that will be gorgeous, have wonderful music, and a weird voiceover track that I won't be able to make heads or tails of. But still... Malick!

By the way, we might (hahahaha) have another Malick movie this year, too. I hear it stars Ben Affleck and amber waves of grain.

Actually, how's this for weird? Duke Nukem Forever, the longest-delayed video game in the history of videogames, may actually come out in May. The same month as Tree of Life. That would be a sign of the apocalypse.

> June 3 - X-Men: First Class
>
> This really needs to improve on the Wolverine prequel. This one chronicles
> the backstory of Charles Xavier and Magneto. Director Matthew Vaughn has
> previously done three movies, no two anything remotely alike. All were
> successful in their own ways, so maybe that means Vaughn is versatile enough
> to tell a good story and not just crank through a familiar genre. Still, if
> it bombs, it wouldn't be the first time a big budget has taken out a promising
> director.

I'm pretty excited about this. The last two X-Men movies (X3 and X-Men: Origins: From the Files of Police Squad!: Wolverine) have done nothing for me. But this has a neat retro look, a good cast, and an interesting director. I say of all the comic book movies this year, this has the highest probability of being good.

> June 10 - Super 8
>
> I don't know enough about this movie yet to be truly revved up for it, but I'm
> very eager to see it.

Spoiler: J.J. Abrams loses interest in the film during the second reel and hands it over to two other guys, at which point it becomes a hard science fiction time travel movie until taking a strange left turn in the final reel to reveal that the smalltown was actually-- well, I don't want to spoil it too bad.

> June 17 - Green Lantern
> My best guess is that Green Lantern stands a slightly better chance
> of breaking out than Thor does. Partly that's because Martin Campbell is
> behind the camera. He's not infallible (see "The Legend of Zorro"), but he's
> on a hot streak now, with his last two films being the surprisingly terrific
> Edge of Darkness and the transcendent Casino Royale.

Aside from the fact that this looks horrible*, I think it's funny that you cite Edge of Darkness as a reason this movie could break out. I haven't seen Edge of Darkness, but it wasn't exactly a smash hit.

*Take my predictions with a grain of salt. I said the same thing about Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, Spider-Man 3, the original X-Men, and Iron Man. And they were all box office flops!

> June 17 - Mr. Popper's Penguins
>
> Jim Carrey inherits six penguins and transforms his apartment and his life
> in taking care of them.

[...]

> Still, I think this is one to keep an eye on.

DOES NOT COMPUTE.

> June 24 - Cars 2

Where are all the hand-wringing stories about how Pixar is taking too big of a gamble, that kids won't sit through this, etc.? It'll be a weird summer if those don't start soon.

> June 24 - Bad Teacher
>
> Jake Kasdan directs Cameron Diaz in this salty school-set comedy about
> dating hijinks among the teachers. Kasdan's films have all been edgy in one
> way or another: Zero Effect was a (great) comedic thriller; Orange County,
> a slapstick farce; The TV Set, a biting satirical look at the television
> industry. All three were good, but Orange County was the weakest of the three.
> It just wasn't as smart as the other two, and unfortunately Bad Teacher looks
> like it travels that same road. Still, it may still be worth checking out.

I watched the trailer for this and had a weird reaction. It seemed like it might be funny, but I didn't laugh at any jokes. I think it's because Cameron Diaz is completely unfunny, and is some kind of comedy black hole. Something About Mary is funny, but close proximity to Diaz ripped all the funny out of the Farrely brothers, forever.

The same movie with Lizzy Caplan? Now you have a movie.

> July 1 - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
>
> After first getting all huffy, as he is wont to do, about the savage reviews
> of Transformers 2, Michael Bay eventually relented and admitted that it stunk.

I don't really care about Transformers whatever whatever, but I am interested in why Michael Bay would get upset about reviews. HE'S MICHAEL BAY! Maybe I'm not the sensitive artist type, but a dude whose movies are mainly concerned with MILITARY MONTAGE HELICOPTERS! JETS! GUNS! BOOOOOOOM! shouldn't be either. What gives, Mike?

> So this is allegedly a "back to basics" installment in the series

So... more masturbation jokes, then?

> July 1 - Larry Crowne
>
> Tom Hanks (who also directed) reteams with Julia Roberts in this comedy-drama
> about a guy who loses his job and goes back to school. It sounds like the kind
> of serious effort that gets lost in the shuffle of a crowded season. But
> maybe I just can't shake the specter of Charlie Wilson's War. Uninteresting
> plot synopsis aside, the stars still got it, and I'm always interested in what
> Hanks gets up to behind the camera.

Wait, I'm confused. He goes back to school? Like to become a jockey? Or a veterinarian or something? Or is this like the other Kevin James movie down lower, where he gains the ability to talk to horses?

> July 15 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Loved Part 7: Part 1. Best Potter movie in years. Excited for the sequel.

Hey, is this one in 3D? Or can I go see it in IMAX that isn't all dark and blurry?

> July 22 - Captain America: The First Avenger
> Joe Johnston directs, which is a mildly positive sign. Johnston is a pretty
> solid director, a member of what I guess I must now call an older school of
> filmmaking, in that he doesn't try to compensate for a bad story with a lot of
> fast cutting. After The Rocketeer, Jumanji, October Sky, and Hidalgo, he
> can be forgiven the occasional The Wolfman. He's back in superhero territory,
> where he made his best film, but that was 20 years ago.

I guess this movie is whatever, but who wouldn't prefer a sequel to The Rocketeer? I think Disney still has a ton of Rocketeer merchandise in cold storage somewhere.

> July 29 - Cowboys & Aliens
>
> The title really makes this sound like a hammy genre spoof, maybe like
> Monsters vs. Aliens. But apparently the film only starts with its premise
> (many films seem to think the premise is enough) and tries to be a seriously
> good western beyond that. That's important. The science fiction will take
> care of itself, but if you can't believe a science fiction western as a
> *western*, it'll fall apart.

With great western director John Favreau at the helm, you know this will be good. I guess all the geeks are stoked for this, but it looks horrible, right?

> Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, and Olivia Wilde is a seriously slick cast, too.

Will Harrison Ford ALREADY BE WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK!? That's what I want to know.

Stephen