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Really Bad Jokes

Page 6


  • What did the apple say to the banana?
  • Nothing -- apples don't talk!


  • What do you call a pickle that draws?
  • A dillustrator.


  • What did the duck say when she bought some lipstick?
  • Put it on my bill.


  • What kind of tree grows in your hand?
  • A palm tree.


  • Why didn't the grizzly wear any shoes?
  • He wanted to go bear foot.


Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel Pop-N-Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

Fresh was buried in one of the largest ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, and Betty Crocker. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much time on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


  • Why are elephants big, wrinkled, grey, and hairy?
  • Because if they were small, smooth, white, and hairless, they'd be aspirin tablets!


  • Why did the boy take a ruler to bed with him?
  • To see how long he slept.


  • How can you use a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune, and Halloween costume to create something tasty?
  • Make a beacon, lattice, and tornado sand witch.