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Really Bad Jokes

Page 11

#101

Two Eskimos, sitting in a kayak, were very chilly. To keep warm, they lit a fire in the craft, but it sank. They should have known. You can't have your kayak and heat it too.

#102

  • What do astronauts eat for dinner?
  • Launch meat.

#103

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

#104

  • What is yellow and wears a mask?
  • The Lone Lemon.

#105

The miserly squirrel never found a mate, because he insisted on a prenutshell agreement.

#106

  • Why couldn't the shoes go out and play?
  • They were all tied up.

#107

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. Soon the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why," one asked.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

#108

  • What did one tomato say to the other?
  • Catch up.

#109

  • Why did the cowboy brush his teeth with gunpowder?
  • So he could shoot his mouth off.

#110

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.