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#163

Idioms contribute to the degradation of society. I'm not talking about moral degradation, mind you. This is even more serious. I'm talking about the infusion of boredom into every fiber of human existence. We have reams of legal documents and news programs and not a solitary pratfall among them. News anchors could cover the day's headlines just as well in a penguin suit, and the Wall Street Journal would be just as informative in Comic Sans, but noooooooooo. Language idioms are the root of the entire problem. They train us to accept boredom. "I have a turtleneck sweater," someone says, and you say, "Oh," because you know that a turtleneck sweater is nothing more exciting than a regular old sweater that lacks sufficient neck room. Ditch the idiom, I say. Make a turtleneck sweater involve an actual turtle. Perhaps a turtleneck sweater should be a sweater with a live turtle sewn to the neckline. ("I had a turtleneck sweater once, but it died.") Or perhaps the sweater would be woven entirely from the neck skin of turtles. Or -- or -- perhaps a turtleneck sweater would empower you with the ability to retract your neck inside your body! How cool would that be? I can see the vital statistics on my driver's license now. Height: 5' 11" (with head extended). I think anybody wearing a giraffeneck sweater in a movie theater would be lynched.