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#33

I straightened out a paper clip today. It's not easy, because when you get to the last bend, the wire likes to swivel around between your fingers causing you to bend it further rather than straighten it out. But I did it. I'm the straightener. I found a use for my straightened out paper clip. I slipped it inside my wedding band so my palm and ring finger conceal it. Now I can walk up to someone, yank it out with my other hand, and say something like, "HA!" and it would be terrifying. I told a friend of mine about this, and he said it didn't sound all that threatening. So I figure I could tie a match stick to the end and glue sandpaper to my palm. Then when I pull it out, it flares up. "HA!" I would say, and it would be scary because I could set people on fire, at least until the wire got too hot to hold. My friend wasn't daunted by this idea either. He suggested I put poison on the end of it, but I think that's stupid, because it doesn't sound very threatening to pull out a wire and say, "HA! ... and you better be scared or I'll make you eat this, and it's got poison on the end of it, so you'd die." So I think I'll use a loaded Uzi to scare people and settle for adopting the straightened out paper clip as my personal insignia.