Stupid Day is an annual holiday celebrated on RinkWorks. Among the traditional festivities are stupid antics in RinkChat. Here's a transcript of the best stupidity of 2001's Stupid Day, beginning on the 19th.

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* 10Kan needs to make a Stupid Day carol.
10Kan: "Stupid Day is coming, the toe is getting flat, please put a wooden nickel in the stupid man's hat!"
Laursies: Oh Stupid Day, oh Stupid Day, may we celebrate forever (or until we forget)
10Kan: "If you have no nickel, a hay fever will do, and if you have a hay fever then say Achoo!"
Laursies: Deck the halls with flammable objects, fa la la la la la la la la!
10Kan: That's all I have so far. Do ya like it?
* Laursies waves her hand in the air. "I do! I do!"
Laursies: It's spifferlicious!
10Kan: Help me think up one to the tune of "The 12 days of Christmas."
Laursies: On the first day of Stupid Day my parole officer gave to me...
10Kan: "A da-ark fridge in which I could play!"
10Kan: "On the 2nd day of Stupid day, my parole officer gave to me..."
10Kan: Oh, wait. There isn't a second day.
10Kan: Pretty stupid, eh? Well, gotta disconnect for a moment.
10Kan has left.
* Travholt notes that some people begins celebration of Stupid Day pretty early.
Laursies: All year round.
* Travholt bonks his head on a tree trunk.
* Laursies plays with matches.
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10Kan has entered.
10Kan: *AHEM* here goes...
10Kan: Oooh Stupid Day, Oh Stupid Day,
10Kan: We're here to celebrate you today!
10Kan: With dumb ideas, low-IQ stuff,
10Kan: Of you we'll never get enough.
10Kan: So let's all smash thumbs, and loudly say...
10Kan: We sure love ya, O Stupid Day!
10Kan: (end song)
10Kan: That was to the tune of "O Tannenbaum," If you couldn't guess.
10Kan: Hello, Sakura. Didja like my song?
Sakura has left.
10Kan: That sounds like a "no."
* 10Kan pauses to think of another one.
10Kan: (begin song)
10Kan: For they're some stupid old fellows,
10Kan: For they're some stupid old fellows,
10Kan: For they're some stupid old FE-ELL-OWS...
10Kan: I mean, the folks at RinkChat!
10Kan: (repeat ad nauseum)
10Kan: Here's another one for all you wonderful and magnanimous people out there...
10Kan: (begin song)
10Kan: Should all com-mon sense be forgot,
10Kan: And ne-ver brought to mind!
10Kan: Then it must be Stu-pid Day,
10Kan: And the-e-e next line won't rhyme!
10Kan: Nope, it won't rhyme one little, itsy-bitsy bit.
10Kan: (end song)
* 10Kan bows.
10Kan: Thanks, you've been a great audience!
10Kan: And I really mean that.
10Kan: But some applause wouldn't kill ya, would it?
Sakura has left.
10Kan: Ouch.
* 10Kan is yanked offstage by one of those big crooks.
10Kan has left.
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Ryuuko2k: Only squeeze the handle end of a sword
* TalkingDog ties himself to an airplane propeller
Ryuuko2k: Never lick a jellyfish
Ryuuko2k: How about never lick a porcupine?
Monu: Never wear gloves internally...
* Ryuuko2k trips over the cat and breaks her arm on the empire state building 200 miles away

It wasn't quite Stupid Eve then, but the next day....

* Nyperold takes off his shirt.
* Nyperold HUGS poison ivy!
* Nyperold HUGS nettles plants!
* Rabbitlord bites his ear.
* Nyperold HUGS a cactus!
* Nyperold HUGS a jellyfish!
* Rabbitlord HUGS Nyperold!
* Nyperold HUGS a Portuguese man-o-war!
Nyperold: I wonder why I hurt so badly now.
Nyperold: And I itch terribly.
* Nyperold scratches himself with a survival knife.
Nyperold: Well, that relieves the itch somewhat... but now I've got this red fluid coming out of me.
* Nyperold tastes it.
Nyperold: Hmm. It's salty and thinnish.
Nyperold: Got it! It must be a V8!
Nyperold: Yuck. I hate V8, except the Splash version.
Rabbitlord: I like it with Tabasco sauce - LOTS of it!
Nyperold: I'd better scratch some more to get rid of all of it.
* Rabbitlord eats hot coals
* Rabbitlord pours salt in his eyes.
Nyperold: I feel dizzy, and I don't know why. Maybe I've been spinning and I didn't know it?
* Nyperold spins the other way.
* Rabbitlord spits into the wind
* Rabbitlord stuffs marshmallows into his ears.
Juho: I wonder what that button on my modem does...
Juho has left.
Nyperold: Ooh, I feel really dizzy... and I look so pale! And... and... what's this dried black stuff all over me?
Nyperold: First things first!
* Nyperold applies some blush.
Nyperold: Now I can go take a warm bath and wash this stuff off.
* Nyperold rolls in sodium. He wants his bath to be really warm.
Nyperold is away.
* Rabbitlord can't watch
* Rabbitlord enters a bomb shelter
Juho has entered.
Juho: The button on my modem didn't seem to do anything but at the same moment my ISP cut the line. What a coincidence.
Bigjoekaiz: My modem is internal. let me see if i can press the button.
Bigjoekaiz: Wait...
Bigjoekaiz: Almost in...
Bigjoekaiz: There! I found the button.
Bigjoekaiz: Let's see what happens if I... oww.
Bigjoekaiz: Wrong button.]
Bigjoekaiz: Let's try thi...
Bigjoekaiz has left.
Bigjoekaiz has entered.
Bigjoekaiz: I hit the monitor button and I got lost. It's hard to get around without a picture.
Bigjoekaiz: I think I defragmented my hard drive too, though.
Bigjoekaiz: I was blind once. I ran into a wall and my head flew through a window, and then someone poked me in the eye and I remembered what my eyelids do
Kiki has entered.
Kiki: so, this morning? I woke up? Except for I was really tired still, but i couldn't go back to sleep, so i hit myself on the head with a baseball bat..... I slept for another four hours!
Kiki: I have a headache now, though..... maybe it'll go away if i run into this wall!!!! brb...
Kiki is away.
Kiki is back.
Kiki: nope, it got worse
Kiki: (hi, everybody!)
Kiki: hmmmm..... wait, here's some Advil!
Kiki: how many of those am i supposed to take?
Kiki: is it 15, or 20?
Ayako: You're supposed to crush it and rub it all over your face.
Bigjoekaiz: I thought you stuck it up your nose
Kiki: ohhhh!!!!
Kiki: okay, let's see
Kiki: i'll take 17.5 (that's the average)
Kiki: and rub it into my face
Kiki: and stick one up each nostril!
Ayako: Wow, that ought to do it, Kiki.
Kiki: hmm..... it's awfully scratchy
Sakura: Heh. Dad went outside for a minute and forgot to unlock the door.
Sakura: He's getting into the spirit of the day.
* Sakura stares at the dialog box. This is confusing. What button do I press?
Sakura: Huh? It's not doing anything...
* Sakura tries again.
Sakura: All it's doing it leaving a fingerprint on the monitor.
* Sakura hits her computer with a sledgehammer. BAD computer!
Sakura has left.
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Bigjoekaiz: Once I ate fire. Yum.
Sakura: Ooh, you ate fire? I could never cut it...
Travholt: The door lock on my car was frozen this morning.
Travholt: So I went and got a flame thrower to thaw it a bit.
Travholt: The trouble was, it kind of melted the paint, so it got all bubbly and oozy.
Travholt: The worst part is, I then remembered I didn't have a car.
Travholt: And the lock wasn't even frozen at all, it was just that I tried to open a stranger's car with my mailbox key.
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Nyperold: I got all the dried black stuff off, but now I'm on fire!
dingdong: Use dry ice, Nyp! That'll fix it!
* Nyperold uses gasoline to try to douse it.
dingdong: Beat it out with that rake!
Nyperold: I know! I'll blow it out!
dingdong: With a blow torch?
* Nyperold gets a tank of hydrogen.
Nyperold: Hydrogen is part of water, right?
Sakura: Yeah!
Nyperold: Or is that chlorine?
dingdong: Yes, but I think I'll just hide behind this chair.
Sakura: Add some oxygen, too!
Nyperold: Oxygen? Nah... who needs oxygen?
Nyperold: Oh well...
* Nyperold uses the tank on himself.
* Travholt steps back
* dingdong ducks.
* MechaJoe is blown away by the explosion
* dingdong paints herself white to deflect the blast!
* Nyperold is even more on fire!
* Sakura pulls out a stick and a pillow.
* Sakura roasts the pillow.
Sakura: A pillow is big and fluffy like a marshmallow, right?
dec: mmmm...roast pillow
* Sakura notes that the pillow is on fire. Done!
* Sakura eats the burning part first.
* dingdong gets some sausages.
Sakura: KYAA! That HURT!
Sakura: I'll just eat the whole thing at once!
Sakura: *gak* *choke* Mrff!
dingdong: Can we all join hands and sing campfire songs around Nyp?

Later, planning the Stupid Day party....

* Sakura combines about every food item she can find in the kitchen in a very large bowl.
* Travholt will also bring some sulfuric acid soft drinks.
* Marvin starts hanging pictures of former US Vice Presidents on the walls.
Nyperold: Hey! My watch stopped working!
Nyperold: It was working fine until I used this magnet to hold it on...
* Tubba eats a cake of soap.
Tubba: It's OK, it tells me to use like ordinary soap.
* Marvin thinks of what else we need to eat. Anyone have Thanksgiving turkey left over?
Marvin: Say, another question: Anyone know how long we're supposed to cook this thing?
Tubba: Until Stupid Day. It's a Stupid Day cake.
* Nyperold throws a pineapple in.
Sakura: A pineapple? Why?
Nyperold: Isn't this pineapple upside-down cake?
* Sakura turns the bowl upside-down. There.
* Moonstar is trapped under the bowl... Help...
Help has entered.
Help: Hey
Marvin: Oh good, now we have Help.
Marvin: Ummmm, guys, another problem: The cake pan doesn't fit in the oven.
Help: Just fold it.
Marvin: Duh! What was *I* thinking?
* Marvin shoves the cake pan into the oven.
* Marvin closes the oven door.
* Nyperold turns on the oven to 350 C.
Help: C. AHH!! Run for your life!!!!
* Marvin is too stupid to run.
Help: Metric is evil!
Marvin: Ok, everyone out of the kitchen while the cake bakes.
* Marvin shoves everyone out of the kitchen and locks the door from the inside.
Marvin: Hey! Some moron locked me in the kitchen!
Sakura: Wait, you forgot to turn the oven on!
Marvin: Duh, I already have it on Self-Clean.
* Sakura opens the oven door and adds poison ivy to the mix.
Nyperold: More poison ivy? Cool!
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Nyperold: Are there socks on the floor? That's all I can feel.

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Marvin: You know what? I think every car should have a sunroof. In fact, I think I'm going to add sunroofs to all of our cars today. See ya.
Tubba: Do your neighbours' cars, too.
Tubba: They might even give you a nice gift in return, like a fine or a summons.
Marvin: Fine? Summons? I'm going to for the restraining order!
Marvin: First, I think I'm going to do the cop cars, since they're done so much for our community
Nyperold: Sheriff's car first!
Tubba: He's a good lad, that one.
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Mollie: Happy Stupid Day, Tubba.
Tubba: Mollie: What? Stupid Day was last year.
Joseph has entered.
Joseph: I HAVE DECIDED TO BE ANNOYING :-p
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Wolf: Like Sam. He's so funny, he's not here!
Ghost of Sam: I am too here.
Wolf: YOU ARE EH? Prove it.
Ghost of Sam: Well...well...
Ghost of Sam: Ok, maybe I'm not.
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* Travholt will, in the spirit of Stupid Day, ride home on a horse, but with the saddle on the underside, thus sitting upside-down, and making the horse jump over various obstacles.
* TalkingDog glues Travholt's face to a racehorse.
* stupid by Dave.
Grishny: Guess what! I got my keyboard fixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Grishny: Okay, I put peanut butter under the x key so it wouldn't stick anymore.
Mia: Good idea. You should pour water on the s key, too. Maybe it's thirsty.
Grishny: I doxn't x thxixnk x itx'sx xx worxkinxg x.x
* PacMan throws a brick straight up
* Grishny runs to catch the brick with his teeth!
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The_Scotsman: Grishny: (Better hurry up. You need to get into your judicial robes. And the commentator is already speaking with the television crew)
* Grishny looks around wildly? WHAT? HUH?
* Grishny emerges into the courtroom in boxer shorts
RinkChat: User Grishny has been labeled 'The DUDGE' by Grishny.
* 10Kan wakes up, finds that the statute of limitations has passed, and ambles out of the courthouse.
Whisper: Hey, where's the defendant?
* The_Scotsman drives back to the scene of the crime and puts 10Kan into the back of the car with Whisper.
* Whisper climbs into the front seat, not wanting to be in the back while 10Kan's drunk
10Kan: Y' wan some, offiser?
PacMan: Mia: You have been charged with slandering youself. How do you pleed?
* Grishny can't find his gavel. Where's his gavel?
* Sakura hands Grishy her sledgehammer.
* Grishny likes the sledgehammer better and accepts it gleefully
* Grishny sits in the Judge Chair.
* Grishny practices using his new "gavel"
* The podium has been smashed into smithereens by Grishny.
Grishny: Um, bailiff! BAILIFF! Get me a fresh podium, please!
The_Scotsman: Pastrame and swiss on rye, please.
* Grishny lets Scotsman have it with the "gavel." Smart aleck.
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* Iss has a question: Does Stupid Day begin at Stupid o' Clock, or just at plain old boring midnight?
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RinkChat: User Sam has been banned from the chat room by Mia.
Grishny: Oh oh MIa you are int the TRUBBLES now!
Morris has entered.
Grishny: Okay, okay, moris has to be initiated
* Grishny makes MOrris wear underwerar on his haid!
* Mia LOL's at Morris's PINK underwerars!
Grishny: Oh no, oh no, it's too big it covered him up!
* Sundragyn suggests that morris should stick his tongue in an outlet.
Grishny: MOrris is LOST in the underwears!
* Morris ' lower lip quivers. It's not Stupid Day yet.
The_Scotsman: Hey! It's almost DIPUTS day!
Liface: MORRIS IT IS STUPID EVE STUPID!
Liface: FUNNIES FUNNIES
Grishny: Hay Morris did you know, did you know you have underwears on your head?
Liface: MORRIS YOU ARE WERD
* Morris CRIES because everyone is being MEAN!
* Morris is like the kid who doesn't wear green on St. Patrick's Day.
Grishny: Morris, you are so stpuid! Good job
Sundragyn: Stubtid! Stubtid! ctubis!
* Sundragyn rises up to heaven, hits her head on the ceiling, and falls back into her body. Voila, she's alive. Stupid, but alive.
* Sundragyn eats glue.
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Liface: 5....4...3....2..1...3...3.. STUPID DAY2
RinkChat: The chat room topic has been changed to 'It's Stupid Dayay!' by Grishny.
* Sundragyn sings, "O STUPID DAY, O STUPID DAY... WE HAD STUPID DAY BECAUSE WE'RE STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!"
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* Speedball puts his head in a microwave to give himself a tan
* Mollie drinks while hanging upside down.
* Mollie hits "Leave" so chat will refresh quicker.
* Speedball counts his chickens before they hatch
* Tess cries over spilled milk
* Speedball lets his babies grow up to be cow boys
* Speedball doesn't keep his hands and arms inside the vehichle untill it comes to a complete stop
* Tess licks cacti.
* Tess doesn't let sleeping dogs lie.
* Speedball lets bed bugs bite
* Speedball puts his eggs all in one basket
* Tess drinks the water
* Speedball talks with his mouth full
* Tess chews with her mouth full
* Speedball just gives up the ship
* Tess sunbathes after treatment for skin cancer.
* Speedball looks a gift horse in the mouth
* Tess barks up the WRONG tree.
* Speedball burns a candle at both ends
* Tess spills the midnight oil
* Tess eats a hamburger at a PETA convention.
* Tess brings a beer to the MADD convention.
* Speedball cries in Tess's beer
* Tess rubs flyingcats the wrong way.
* Tess eats the candy she found on the movie theater floor...
* Speedball chews gum he found under a park bench
* Tess puts gum in her hair to hold her style.
* Tess hits her head with a hammer to hit a fly.
* Speedball just put 20 Wintergreen Altoids in his mouth (for real)
* Tess goads the mafia...
* Tess eats ketchup on her brownies.
* Speedball tries to expose the Illuminati
* Tess chews aspirin.
* Tess draws a moustache on the Mona Lisa
* Speedball puts 30 Wintergreen Altoids in his mouth
Speedball: oh my
Speedball: ow
* Tess throws Speedball some turpentine to ease his pain.
Speedball: tongue going numb
Speedball: oh, oh, ow, oh
Speedball: taste buds burning
Speedball: owowoh
Speedball: Ooohhhh
* Tess asks Speedball if he wants a mint.
Speedball: no, oh no
Speedball: I'm not sure I can still taste
Speedball: I think I cleared my sinuses
Tess: It may need surgery, Speedball. I am a certified doctor, with a degree from "l'ecole Imaginaire"
Speedball: Hmmm, my mouth feels so clean now that the pain has stopped
Speedball: This could replace brushing teeth!
Hastur: Mmm... Altoids... ... oh yeah! The mint flavored mouth napalm!
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* gremlinn guts a fish with a knife:               ><>  ><> ><...>    †
* gremlinn finds a piece of someone's appendix.
* gremlinn starts up a chainsaw and puts his eye really close to the blades to see them rush past.
flyingcats: Hey, that'd look cool.
gremlinn: I said my eye, since of course I lost the other one doing the same thing last year.
Wolf: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzst! *splat*
* Wolf has a new toy eyeball on a string
* flyingcats has a new toy splatball on a string.
Wolf: Splatball, anyone?
Wolf: I think I need to get my inner child peeled.
flyingcats: Here. Have a potato peeler.
* Wolf takes the peeler and sticks it in an eye... Dare to be dumbball
Wolf: Cat got your tongue, fc?
flyingcats: Ywes. Aih cahn't tauk. : (
* Wolf attaches car boost cables with alligator clips to each of Ayako's earlobes
Ayako: Ooh. These earrings rule, Wolf.
* Wolf attaches another set of alligator boosts to Issachar
Wolf: Now if I flip the ignition, who will grill first? The Iss... or the Yako?
Ayako: Hang on. I need to check on my ice cubes.
Ayako is away.
Ayako is back.
Ayako: I can't believe it! Someone stole my ice cubes!
gremlinn: It wasn't me.
Ayako: I only left them for a minute to sit in that hot water to clean.
Wolf: I confess! It WAS ME!
Wolf: gremm, I can't carry all the weight here. YOU hold out your hands to catch Ayako's eyeballs when she gets a boost.
flyingcats: But I want the eyeballs!!
Wolf: Fine! You hold your hands out!
* Wolf draws out the katana blade from... well, Blade.
* flyingcats holds her hands out.
* Wolf neatly lops off both hands.
* Wolf hands the hands back to... flyingcats. Except they fall.
* gremlinn takes the hands.
* gremlinn is caught red-handed.
* Ayako wonders if she should be running away.
Wolf: Lookie! We can play Edward Scissorhands!
Wolf: LADA DEE DA DA
Ayako: YEAH! Then I can give you all haircuts!
* Wolf shears the stolen ice-cube trays into exotic and mysterious shrubbery shapes.
flyingcats: Yo, grem, can I have my hands back?
* Wolf fires up The Chainsaw
Wolf: BRbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt
Wolf: Shall I perform a manicure for two, mademosielle?
Wolf: Hold out zee hands, S'il Vous Plait
* Ayako holds out her hands.
Wolf: It vill take but a moment
* Wolf bears down the chainsaw.... Bbbbrrrring! But the sudden ringing of a flying cat in the background startles Wolf and she chops through a leg.
Wolf: Stupid CAT!
Ayako: Do I have to be Edward Scissorleg now?
flyingcats: CATSA ARNE;T STUPISD!!
Wolf: No! Cats are the Stpudet Cweaturas on the PLanet! You Shall Not Live!
* flyingcats shall live!
* flyingcats lives!
* flyingcats dances around, living!!
* Wolf dies.
* flyingcats trips on a floor board and dies, too.
Wolf: Wow. Monkeycat see, Monkeycat do!
Ayako: Hey... if you have blood, you're alive, right?
flyingcats: Only if it isn't green.
* Ayako bleeds all over Wolf and flyingcats.
Ayako: That ought to bring them back.
Wolf: EUWWWW.
* Wolf sneezes blood and snot all over Ayako.
* Ayako uses Iss as a hanky and wipes herself off.
Wolf: yeah, he's handy for one thing... at least
flyingcats: Iss-shoo!
* Wolf cackles evil stupid laugh, spraying drool all over
Wolf: Aheh HEH HeK AREk HeK KEK UH....
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* Ayako picks burrs off her cat.
Ayako: Hey, you know what? I think it would work even better if I LICKED them off.
Ellmyruh: Put chapstick on first, Ayako.
Ellmyruh: And close your mouth first so you can't taste them.
Ayako: What if they taste good?
Ayako: You never know until you try.
flyingcats: They'll prolly taste like Grilled Ayako Head.
Ellmyruh: Ayako's head is made of burrs?
flyingcats: Well, yeah...if you mistype burn.
Ellmyruh: Um. Hm. Well, just be ready with some salt, in case they're bland.
Ayako: Salt?? No way! Hydrochloric acid all the way, baby!
Ellmyruh: No, even better! Use NaCl!
* gremlinn cracks his NaCls.
Ayako: I wonder how Na and Cl taste apart. I think I'll try them that way.
* Ayako fetches the hydrochloric acid and sodium and chlorine.
* Ayako sprinkles them on her cat.
* flyingcats screams!
Ayako: Hey, what's wrong with HER?
* Ellmyruh watches the flyingcat fly.
gremlinn: sodium...is that what they use to make soda?
Ellmyruh: grem: Yep. It's a soda-yum!
gremlinn: iodide from that pun.
Ellmyruh: Iodined with Ayako once.
flyingcats: I thought you said "Iodined ON Ayako once".
Ellmyruh: On, With...same thing. maybe
* gremlinn decides to kneel on the fluorine.
* Ellmyruh shoves gremlinn down a hole. Wow, what a dramamine that is down there!
Ellmyruh: (Wow, that pun was suck.)
gremlinn: Don't be silly-con.
gremlinn: I hope these puns aren't making you sulphur too much.
* Ellmyruh pulls out a Table and Chair of the Elements.
* Ayako pulls out a chair and tries to sit in it.
Ayako: Someone built this chair wrong! The back is on the front of it!
Ellmyruh: You sit ON a chair, not IN it, silly.
gremlinn: Yeah, don't be such a boron.
Ayako: Oh.
* Ayako sits on top of the chair-back.
* Ellmyruh should play some more POATassium.
* Ayako falls over with a crash.
Ellmyruh: Ayako, maybe you should just sit in the floor.
gremlinn: Yeah, zinc to the floor and sit there.
Ayako: You're just lucky I'm manganese-imous enough to forgive these puns.
Ellmyruh: Hey, Bismuth is an element? I think I've seen generic Pepto-Bismol called "Pink Bismuth." I just learned something on Sutpid Day??!!
gremlinn: None of your Bismuth.
Ellmyruh: Hey, that was a radon(e), gremlinn!
Ayako: When we went to the dentist, he gave us some phlosphorus to take home.
flyingcats: Don't let a copper get you for speeding.
Ellmyruh: You're right. We wouldn't want to cause a scandium.
Ellmyruh: Hey, I wonder if I have any cadmium eggs left over from last Easter!
Ayako: Didn't someone die earlier? Should we barium or put them in a krypt-on?
Ellmyruh: No, Ayako. We should helium.
Ellmyruh: Or we could curium.
Ayako: Do you have any healing erbiums?
Ellmyruh: We should have just sodium up and called it good.
Ellmyruh: The gallium to die! Geesh, SOME people!
gremlinn: We're almost all out of puns; all the good names argon.
Ellmyruh: grem, should iron to the store and get some more?
Ellmyruh: I zinc I should.
gremlinn: We arsenic-ering from these, aren't we?
gremlinn: Now, where did Wolfram off to earlier?
Ellmyruh: I don't know. But she got a good lead on us.
flyingcats: She had to get iridium of her chainsaw.
* gremlinn wonders if we will seLeenium tomorrow.
gremlinn: And Samarium, too.
flyingcats: We thur thallium.
gremlinn: Do you promethium?
Ayako: I'm running out of ideas. It must be too late at nitrogen.
gremlinn: Get tin late, that's for sure.
Ayako: When I catch the cadmium who nick-eled my ice cubes earlier, he's going to regret it!
gremlinn: Beat him until he's all thorium.
flyingcats: Ze British zirconium! Ze British zirconium!
Ayako: Maybe I'll just ask him to hahnium over.
gremlinn: Hahnium?
gremlinn: Ahh.../me wonders why that's not in the list of elements he cesium right now.
Ellmyruh: Irondered about that, too.
gremlinn: Two hafniums make a holmium.
Ellmyruh: Someone needs to invent an Ellmyrium.
gremlinn: I guess no more puns would be germanium.
gremlinn: I'll bet Nypergold could have thought of some more, though.
* flyingcats is hearing a weird sound. It sounds like a dog sized frog. Weird.
Ellmyruh: A dog sized frog? Maybe it's a tadpuppy.

Finally people went to bed, and the next morning....

famous has entered.
Darien has entered.
Darien: famous!
famous: Darien!
famous: Happy Stupid Day!
Darien: Oh, is it that time again?
famous: Yup.
Darien: Wow. Time flies.
famous: Yes, it does.
Darien: I decided to celebrate Stupid Day by going to work. That would seem to be the stupidest thing I could think of. :-}
Darien: Sam's probably not up yet; he should be - this is Stupid O'Clock, after all.
famous: Hehe. It sure is.
Darien: Hmm... pewter miniatures. I think I'll coat them in chocolate and make lollypops! Anybody want one?
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Ayako: My cat loves using my hand as a cat toy. She holds it with her teeth and tears at it with her claws. Awww, she's so cute when she does that!
Travholt: Sappy Hut Dip Day!
Travholt: Let's do the Stupid Day dance! The Stupid Day dance consists of spinning around within a circle of electric stoves on full power.
Travholt: Then you have to lean on something.
* Travholt tries to set a computer on fire to see if it burns.
Travholt: Hey! It burns!
Travholt: That means computers must be made of wood.
Darien: You know what I just found out? If you put a book in your VCR, you cxan watch a movie based on it! You should all try it!
Travholt: Darien: If you then put a video cassette in the microwave, you can watch microfilm!
Darien: Trav: Whoa, cool! If I put a TV dinner in a DVD player, can I make a TV pancake?
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* Darien write's a stupid haiku. "Stupid Day is ruling / I think we should all sing the anthem / more often"
Darien: Stupid Day! Stupid Day! Stupid all the day! Stupid is as stupid does, gently down the stream!!!
Darien: The "gently down the stream" was my contribution - I refuse to listen to any song that doesnt contain that line!!!!
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Faux_Pas has entered.
Faux_Pas: I would've been in here earlier, but I forgot my password.
Darien: FP: Really? You should have asked me - id have let you borrow mine!!!
Faux_Pas: I did.
Faux_Pas: I...
Faux_Pas: AM...
Faux_Pas: NOT...
Faux_Pas: FAUX PAS...
Faux_Pas: i am really darien and i WIN!!!
Darien: Dang dang dang
Darien: Oh, wait, *I* win either way. Wow. Im so cool i tricked myself!!
Faux_Pas: or am i just being stupid?
Darien: PUMP AIR INTO LUNg!!!
Ayako: I can't walk in a straight line for the life of me. I kept bumping into the wall as I walked down the hallway.
* BurgerKing eats everything in the house without a label directly warning against such action.
Ayako: You know, my fingernails have been clipped my whole life. I think it's time for my fingers to take a turn.
Darien: Mmm. Lady fingers!
* Travholt tries to make paper clip flavored chewing gum.
Darien: Hrm. I have to take a shower. I think Ill use maple syrup instead of soap.
Travholt: Be sure to mix in some blue ink.
Travholt: How long must eggs cook before they're soft enough to eat?
Sakura: Just going to see what'll happen if I stick this screwdriveer into an electrical socket.
Darien: Sak: I found out earlier that those dont taste nearly a's good a's they look.
Darien: Maybe she can find a 220 outlet if she look's! Twice the voltage = twice the fun!!
Darien: 440 outlet's are hard to plug things into pintlessly, though. Ive tried it - they dont work like that. :-{
Sakura: I shoved it and shoved it and it wouldn't go in. *sniffle*
Sakura: Although I have butter all over my fingers now...
dingdong: You know how they say you can't put anything sharper than your elbow in your ear? I want to know who found that out. And how.
Sakura: Um, I have to dust my room. Should I use a leafblower, do you think? It';ll get it done faster...
Darien: Sakura: If you use a blowtorch and some gasoline youll get it done *really* fast!
* Marvin has a great idea! Why waste time showering naked when I can shower with my clothes on? It saves time AND I get my clothes washed at the same time!
* dingdong 's thirsty. She's going to make a cup of tea.
dingdong: Do you think I should put the hot water in the top of the cup, or the bottom?
Travholt: Stupid Day! Stupid Day! Stupid all day long! Stupid is as stupid does, gently down the stream!
Travholt: ...a stream of highly inflammable substances, that is.
Sakura: No, no, NO! You need the RED TEXT!
* Travholt does not have red text. Only Darien does that.
* Darien grins. gently down the stream!!!!
Ayako: I like licking thumbs!
Darien: Ayako: Maybe that can be the official Stupid Day Salute!
Ayako: Ruling!!
Travholt: Ayako: Do you mean your own, or, say, the thumbs of people on the bus?
Ayako: Trav: Oh, ANYONE'S. I'm addicted. I can't help it.
* Darien lick's some thumb's!
Ayako: I don't understand why people avoid me, though.
* MarkusRTK licks his cat's thumb.
* Ayako licks everyone's thumbs!
* Travholt now has (relatively) clean thumbs!
* MarkusRTK has a big scratch on his tongue now.
Darien: Cool! Now you can pretend youre a snake and have a forked tongue!
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Liface: Guys, I think I broke my leg, what do I do?
Sakura: PUMP AIR INTO LEg
* Liface pumps air into his leg.
* Liface 's leg explodes!
Marvin: Hey, you know, there's a HUGE hill in front of our house. We should open a sledding hill up here. Of course, the highway at the bottom of the hill would be for safety reasons.
* Chrico is plagued by an infinite number of monkeys
Chrico: NO!!! I don't want to know anything about Hamlet!
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* Kaz is trying very, VERY hard to keep himself sane enough so that he doesn't flash his right eye.
* Kaz hides his camera away in his closet. Hopefully he'll be too stupid later to remember where it is.
* Sakura heats a sandwich in the microwave.
* Sakura wonders if she should have wrapped it in aluminum foil.
* Tubba eats a sandwich in the microwave.
* Monkeyman TEARS THROUGH THE ROOM NAKED ON HIS ROCKET POWERED ROLLER SKATES AND CRASHES INTO THE REFRIGERATOR, WHERE IT COLLAPSES ON HIM AND TRAPS HIM!!!
* Whisper now has a really BAD mental image
* Whisper tries to do the Stupid Day Salute, and sticks her thumb in her eye
* Sakura tries to do the Stupid Day Salute and gets her hand stuck in her mouth.
* Monkeyman starts to do the Stupid Day Salute, but hasn't seen anyone else do it, so ends up picking his nose.
* uselessness does the Stupid Day salute, and sticks his thumb in a random cow's ear.
* Rabbitlord tries to do the Stupid Day Salute and end up breaking the world record for the most differend contortive positions in under 30 seconds.
* Nyperold tries to do the salute, and gets two of his fingers stuck in his bellybutton.
* uselessness tries to do the salute and puts his entire arm in the floppy disk drive.
* Kaz attempts to do the supid day salute....and somehow ends up with the camera back in his hand.....
* Rabbitlord has his foot in his eye.
* Rabbitlord sprays breath freshener up his nose again.
* Monkeyman wonders if the Stupid Day Salute is related in any way to the three-fingered salu
Monkeyman has left.
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Stephen has entered.
Stephen: I just woke up myself. I was celebrating SD in my sleep though. I spent the entire night sleeping on my cat.
Stephen: Around 2 am she started clawing into my back. Boy, did that ever give me some weird dreams.
Kaz: ...is the cat okay?
Stephen: Yeah. Only it turned out to be a butcher knife, not a cat.
Stephen: Man, I'm still tired. I think I need some coffee. Except I don't really like coffee that much. I think I'll just grab a fresh pot and dump it on my head.
Stephen: WHOO! That's some hot coffee! I'm awake, but now I'm badly burned. Oh well, I guess there's a trade off for everything.
Stephen: Bonus! I just realized I don't have to take a shower now!
Ayako: I'm hungry, but I don't want to go to the kitchen. Are floppies edible?
Stephen: Very much so. If you open them up, the little magnetic disk inside is quite a delicacy.
Stephen: The harder, crunchy plastic shell is rather tasteless IMO.
Rabbitlord: They're also very useful for brushing your teeth.
Ayako: Thanks for the tip! I've got quite a stack here. I won't lose what I saved on them, will I?
Stephen: No, put you will need to stick your tongue in the floppy drive to read anything. It hurts a bit, but it's worth it.
Whisper: I've always liked the metal sliding thing. Nice, metallic taste.
Stephen: Metal is okay, but it wreaks havoc with my fillings. That's why I make sure to remove all my fillings first.
Kaz: No, then it wreaks havoc with your teeth. I remove those too.
Rabbitlord: Filling aren't hard to put back in, but you have to shove pretty hard.
Whisper: Do you use pliers for that or a hammer?
Rabbitlord: A hacksaw.
Kaz: Neither. a chainsaw. It's much more precise.
Stephen: I just use a hammer. It's sort of hard to get the right leverage inside your mouth, but if you put your head in a vice and have someone else do it it's a snap.
Rabbitlord: Yeah, but the vice always breaks on my head.
Whisper: What about a belt sander? Would that work?
Ancalagon: just use the chainsaw to hack off your entire mouth! that way, your teeth don't get in the way of the diskettes going to your stomach
Stephen: A belt sander couldn't hurt.
Stephen: It's been my experience that power tools make any situation better.
Stephen: For example, driving in traffic is a boring experience. Driving in traffic with a nailgun or a circular saw is fun.
Ancalagon: make sure you hold them by the sharp end though. you never know where that handle has been
uselessness: woah, yeah, i wont go swimming without my power drill!
Rabbitlord: I never go swimming without a car battery.
RinkChat: User Kaz has been banned from the chat room by Kaz.
Kaz has left.
uselessness: my car battery was dead last time i tried swimming with it so i had to use jumper cables underwater. that was a fun experience!
Stephen: Speaking of car batteries, we had to watch this alleged "Safety" film in my autoshop class this week. Can you believe that they suggested you disconnect a car battery BEFORE working on the electrical system?
Stephen: That makes it far too easy. Sparks are half the fun of electronics!
Whisper: I got pulled over by the cops today. I showed them my gun so they'd know I was on their side.
Whisper: In retrospect, it was a bad idea to pull the trigger.
10Kan has entered.
* Monkeyman greets 10Kan with the Three-Finger Stupid Day Salu
Monkeyman has left.
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Whisper: I bought some batteries today. The package didn't say they weren't edible, so I assumed they were.
Whisper: The acid burned my throat. I'm suing.
Rabbitlord: Batteries aren't edible! You drink the stuff inside them! DUH!
* 10Kan puts battery acid in his hair. He can tell it's working because it TINGLES!
Sakura: I poked myself in the eye with the compass! It HURT and I can't see out of that eye! They should have warnings on the packaging against doing that.
Sakura: I'm going to poke myself in the other eye and see if that helps any.
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* Sakura looks at the huge charred lump of stuff that's supposed to pass for a cake.
Whisper: Oh! Yum! Burned black stuff!
* Sakura cuts off a piece and gives it to Rabbit.
* Rabbitlord eats the cake and then dies.
* flyingcats falls out of her chair. Whooa.
ThePhan: Hmm.... interesting... what'd you put in here?
Sakura: Arsenic, holly, mistletoe, glass, detergent...
* Sakura mixes rat poison and toxic sludge and applies it as icing.
* Sakura adds nuclear waste bits into the cake.
Nyperold: It's a dump cake!
* uselessness bakes a cake with ammonia and shredded vinyl.
Sakura: Oh, and did I mention that there's an arm, a leg, a gallbladder, and a head in there?
ThePhan: What? No appendix?
uselessness: A gallbladder? Whose gallbladder? I was wondering where mine went off to.
ThePhan: I was SURE I tasted a just a smidgen of appendix in there....
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Grishny has entered.
* Sakura shoots at Grishny as he enters.
* Grishny tries to catch the bullet in his teeth!
Grishny: Hoiikk!
Grishny: All I want for Chrithtmath ith my thoo front theeth!
Grishny: Doiihh! I meant to Thay my FOUR front theeth!
Marvin: Usually, I get a big hole in the back of my neck when I catch bullets.
* Grishny turns around and gestures wildly to the big hole in the back of his neck...
Grishny: Thee? I got that too!
Marvin: Ah, good job.
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RinkChat: The chat room topic has been changed to 'Only Stupid Half the Time... Just like normal.' by Kiki.
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Travholt: Here are the nominees of the "Best Anagram of 'Happy Stupid Day' ending with 'day' category":
Travholt: Sappy Hut Dip Day
Travholt: Sappy IP Thud Day
Travholt: "Hit Sad Puppy" Day
Travholt: "Da Puppy Hits" Day
Travholt: Hasty Pup Dip Day
Travholt: Puppy Had Its Day
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* Sakura HUGS The Scotsman!
* Grishny BUGS The Scotsman!
* The_Scotsman SLUGS Grishny!
* Sakura MUGS Grishny and runs off with his wallet.
Grishny: You are all SCUNGE!
* Sakura feels guilty and returns Grishny's wallet.
* Grishny takes his wallet back and Sakura's purse too.
* Grishny feels guilty and returns Sakura's purse to THe Scotsman.
Sakura: KYAA!
Sakura: Give me that!
* Sakura takes back her purse.
* Sakura thwaps Grishny over the head with it.
* The_Scotsman gets a black eye from Sakura's karate chop.
Grishny: Hey, I didn't bust you up when you took my wallet! I was so meek and mild! I didn't even say a word!
Grishny: Of course that's because I'm so stupid, I didn't really even notice...but THAT's NOT THE POINT!
Grishny: What's good for the goose is good for the gander, I always say.
Grishny: Well, actually, I only say that sometimes. Okay, really, I never say it. But I just said it now. And its true.
* The_Scotsman takes Grish
The_Scotsman: ...and puts him in the oven. Yeah.. that's it!
The_Scotsman: Anyone for some baked orc?
* Sakura turns the oven on to 350 C.
* Grishny grabs The Scotsman's kilt and yanks it down around his ankles!
* The_Scotsman steals Grishny's monacle!
Grishny: Ha. I don't use that thing anymore. So fah.
Sakura: Ow. I just poked my finger with a compass. No, really. I did.
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Monkeyman has entered.
* Monkeyman was having a hard time being stupid, so decided to come be half-witted over here instead.
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* Travholt , in the spirit of Stupid Day, just knocked over a bottle of water on his desk.
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Mousie has entered.
* Mousie is wearing a tray of lemonade on her head and has a flagpole sticking out of her.
Mousie: HAPPY STSUPID DAY!! The day to dress like and celebrate STUPES!!!
Mousie: Everybdoy come sit on me and celebrate the front porches of America.
* Marvin sits on Mousie
* BurgerKing sits on Mousie.
Marvin: Is there enough room on Mousie for all of us?
Mousie: STUPES ROOL!!
* Mousie is a big front stupe.
___: Mousie YOU SUXXOR! YOu EAT CHEES AND LIVE IN A HOLE!
___ has left.

That surreal moment was brought to you by Grishny.

* Monkeyman is not smart enough to be stupid enough to celebrate Stupid Day. :-(
saintjane: is this stupid day an american thing?
dingdong: Has anyone else noticed that Stupid Day seems to have gotten really...well...stupid?
Tubba: Stupid Day has been adversely affected by people being too stupid to realise what Stupid Day is all about. If that's not irony, then it's something else.
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* Grishny is suddenly overcome with an inexplicable feeling of intense remorse.
Grishny: I hope that I haven't caused any of you pain.
Grishny: I would feel so awful to find out that I had.
Wes: I cry myself to sleep every night because of you.
Grishny: Please, if any of you bear any sort of ill will against me for something I have done, please tell me so that I can make it right.
Bo has entered.
Grishny: Hello Bo. Have I ever offended you in any way, shape, or form?
Bo: I can't believe you can live with yourself after what you've done to me.
Grishny: BO! Oh no, what have I done? Please, let me make amends!
Bo: You can start by donating a large sum of monetary units to me,
Grishny: But...but...but...
* Grishny 's lower lip quivers
* Grishny doesn't have any large sums of monetary units. He shall never be truly cleansed. Oh, woe is him.
Grishny: You have to tell me what I did so I can make it right!
Bo: You wronged me by not giving me uncountable amounts of cash. You can repent by... oh, damn. You're forgiven.
Grishny: Oh, THANK YOU, Bo! I'm so glad I'll even overlook your horrible use of profanity that offends me so badly I want to die!
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* Speedball has noticed something. Survivor is about Greed, Temptation Island is about Lust. If this keeps up there will be a reality show for all 7 deadly sins.
The_Scotsman: Ooh! Gluttony Island! I wonder what that would involve.
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* Ellmyruh farewells everyone and vanishes before anyone knows what is happening.
Ellmyruh has left.
gabby: GOOBYE!!! GOOBYE!!!
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* gabby watches the Golden Globe ceremony. Talk about Stupid!
gabby: In honor of Stupid Day, I drove up my (considerably long) driveway in reverse. And bunches of other stuff.
Kaz: Do what I did this morning: The Dave Camera Trick in REAL LIFE.
Kaz: You take a camera. You put the flashbulb up to your eye. You hold your eye open with your fingers. You take a flash shot.
Kaz: And I can second his analysis -- it HURTS
Tess: OUCH!
Kaz: It's a bit better now.
Kaz: What was worse is that, even though it hurt, I was temped to do it to the OTHER eye. Then the sanity part of my brain kicked in.
Kaz: I didn't see red though. It just hurt and then that eye slammed shut and STAYED shut for about an hour.
Kaz: Then when I could open it, everything out of it looked bubbly-dream like.
Kaz: I think it's almost better now.
Kaz: And I was actually surprised. More by the fact that Dave was actually right then that it hurt though.
Oeras: THAT is Stupid!
Kaz: Seriously though -- if you value your eyesight, do NOT do the flash-in-the-eye trick.....
Wes: I'm sorry, but you're an idiot.

The above refers to A Flash In the Eye. Later on....

Sam: Too bad I didn't think of it when I was at my parents' house this morning. My Mom has a bunch of Hummels. Oh well, maybe we can play some badminton with these light bulbs.
Sam: But it's not the same as Hummel Ball.
Sam: You know, I don't see what people like about bananas. The inside part is pretty tasty, but the outside is all tough and stringy.
Grishny: I feel the same way about oranges.
Grishny: And tennis balls too.
Sam: Watermelon is pretty good. I like the outside green part better than the inside pinkish part because you don't get any of those seeds. Peaches have the same problem. I don't know how people eat those at all. Frankly, I actually spit out the peach pits when I bite into one.
* flyingcats HUGS Sam!
* Sam would hug flyingcats back, but he doesn't think he could catch one flying cat, let alone many. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
flyingcats: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Yup.
Grishny: When I was a toddler I was helping my mom give my baby sister a bath and the bath was over and my mom was putting on the diaper and I was watching and the baby bath tub was on the floor and I walked backwards and tripped over it and fell in it and got all soaked and I wasn't mad that I got wet but I was mad that my mommy laughed at me.
Grishny: When I was in second grade we had to have our moms and dad sign these report thinkgies and sometimes my report thinkgies weren't good and I didn't want to show it to my mom and dad and so one time I got this great idea to sign my dad's name myself so I did and the teacher somehwo knew what I did and she says did you sign this yourself and I said no and she asked again and I knew she knew so I said yes and I got it lots of trubbles.
Grishny: When I was in fifth grade my mom worked at the school so I had nothing to do after school and I went ouside and there was a tree and I decided to climb it and I climbed it and I thought it would be fun to jump like Tarzan so I jumped from a branch to another branch to swing on it like Tarzan but I missed the branch or I slipped I don't remember, but I fell and landed on my arm and broke it and my mom didn't believe me it was hurt but later they x-rayed it and it really was broken and she felt really bad.
* Wes buries a turkey in the sand.
Grishny: When I was in high school I did something stupid then too but I don't remember what it was, isn't that stupid?
* Sam goes to play in the street. Or on the roof. brb
Sam is away.
Grishny: OOOH, OOH, OOH, I have a stupid Scotsman story to tell while he is not here and can't defend himself!!!!!
Grishny: Me and Scotsman were in school and it was after shcool and he was going on a trip to the Dominican Republic it was a missions trip with the school, but anyways he was selling baked goods after school as a fundraiser and he was saying to all the teacher "buy a pie or buy a pretzel and please your wife" and this one teacher came buy whose wife had dieded the year before and he said it to her too and then he left and then Scotsman was like "oops"
Grishny: And that was funny becauase Scotsman didn't even get it. I had to punch his arm and say "did you realize what you just said?"
Sam is back.
Sam: Eww. Eggs are gross. The shell is ok, but what's up with that gloopy, slimy inside? YUCK.
Sam: Talk about messy. Dang it, it's soaking into my keyboard.
* Marvin likes to throw eggs straight up.
Grishny: Sam! That's the creamy goodness!
Sam: DISGUSTING.
BurgerKing: You've got to put the eggs in the toaster, first! Geez.
* Marvin tries to catch eggs in his mouth
Bigjoekaiz: Once my ear got stuck. I was playing with a hairdryer and there were lots of little grates and I put my ear in just to see if i could do it and I COULD but it got stuck, but then it got really really hot and my ear turned red.
* Grishny likes to throw refrigerators straight up, but he's not strong enough so they always tip over and crush him.
Marvin: Gah! My mouth isn't big enough. Where can I get a bigger mouth?
* Sam can't figure out which orifice these Q-tips were made for. Maybe the eyes...
Grishny: No, DUH, Sam. Q-tips are for your belly button. You gotta push 'em really hard so they'll go all the way in.
Sam: Oh. Then what are these tongue depressors for then?
Sakura: The tongue depressors are to widen your ears and let you hear better.
Marvin: To stab in your eyes, obviously.
Grishny: Those are for cleaning under your toenails.
* Sakura offers a piece of cake to Sam.
* Sam accepts the piece of cake and cleans the bathroom floor with it.
* Sakura blinks at Sam.
Sam: Wait a second, this is all falling apart. WHAT THE HECK KIND OF CLEANING PRODUCT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE???
Sam: Isn't it a sponge cake?
Marvin: Sam! I already cleaned the bathroom floor! Then I dumped the contents into the cake batter.
HouseSlytherin has entered.
Sam: Hi HouseSlytherin, are you a HOUSE???????
Sam: Har har har har!
* Sam opens HouseSlytherin's front door. lololollo\
HouseSlytherin: Hey, that tickles!
* Sam slips on the front steps and sues.
Marvin: Who's Sue?
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* Marvin started out yesterday by planning the yearly Stupid party, then he tried to put sunroofs in everyone's cars.
Sam: Wow, what a coincidence! I put a sunroof in my basement this morning, but, darn it all, there's no sun coming in. Must be too cloudy. And, you know, it never rains but it pours. Just as I'm having this trouble with the sunroof in the basement, I now find there's a hole in my bedroom, and I can't figure out how it got there.
Marvin: Interesting. I was going to put a sunroof in, but the sun wasn't out yesterday.
Grishny: Since we don't have a basement, whenever a tornado comes by, we just run screaming into the streets.
* Nyperold eats his calculator.
Ayako has entered.
Sam: AYAKO MY FAVORITE JAPANESE PERSON!!!!!!!!!
Ayako: YAY! I didn't know I was a Japanese person!!!!!!!!!
Sakura: /ban Sam
Sam: What, you're Japanese too?
* BurgerKing is also Japanese!
BurgerKing: Grr.
Sam: I could have sworn "Sakura" was a South African name.
Sakura: /ban Sam FOR ALL ETERNITY
Sam: You're my favorite person of whatever nationality you are, I'm sure!
Sakura: Hrmph.
Liface has entered.
Sam: Now "Liface" on the other hand. Very Portuguese.
* Liface just got back from sledding down the interstate
* Sam attempts to make amends with Sakura by offering her a fresh truckload of garden fertilizer.
* Sakura dumps the truckload of fertilizer on Sam.
Sam: Hey! That fertilizer cost a LOT OF MONEY.
Sam: That'll teach me to be nice.
Sam: Just for that, I'm going to go grandfather-clock-tipping ALL BY MYSELF.
codeman38: Hey, who's this Chad guy and why do they want to hang him?
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gremlinn has entered.
Grishny: gremlinn! Hop in the microwave, it's fun!
* Grishny decides to put all his programs in the trash bin for safekeeping.
Marvin: Curses! I'm stuck in GOAT! I'm in the first area and I have NO idea where to go!
Sam: If you're in GOAT, I think there's only one way to go, and nature will take its course in due time.
Marvin: Ah, i see, Sam. Ok, maybe i don't, I just don't want to sound stupid.
Sam: YOU DON'T WANT TO SOUND STUPID???????????????? What kind of stick in the mud are you? Remember the reason for the season!
Grishny: Go swimming! All the way across!
Wes: Swim out as far as you can. Eventually you'll get to the middle of the lake and then you can flail your arms and legs as fast as you can until they're completely out of energy. It'll be fun.
* Sakura goes swimming in the Shadow-infested Stream.
* Sakura dies.
Grishny: Do it again Sakura! Maybe you won't die the second time!
* Sakura does it again.
* Sakura dies.
Grishny: Do it again, Sakura! Maybe you won't die the third time!
Sam: Try it 80 more times.
* Sakura tries it 80 more times.
* Sakura dies 80 more times.
Sam: Actually I think you just have to do it once, but you have to do it really fast.
* BurgerKing insults the Shadows' mothers.
gabby: My name is stupid, and I am Gabby.
Grishny: My name is Stupid, and I'm grishny. No...
Grishny: ...wait...DOIHH!
Grishny: Gabby! Stupid minds think alike! Um...
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Grishny: My name is MOrid Stupon.
Sam: Hi Morid Stupon, can I cut you out and save 30 cents on Pop Tarts????????????? HA HA HA HA HA AH AH A HA!!!!!!!!!
Marvin: hahaahahahahaaha ahaahaha! Waitasec, I don't get it.
Sam: Oh wait, that's coupon.
Sam: Never mind.
* Sam finds a thick computer cable of some sort.
* Sam puts one end of the computer cable into one ear...
* Sam puts the other end of the computer cable in the other ear...

Sam: Wow!
Sam: Yes! I have transferred my memories!
Sam: I know everything I know!
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Bigjoekaiz: My email is getalowlowlowapronyourcreditcard@aol.com
Sam: If I give you my credit card number, can you give me a low low low charge on it?
Sam: That'll save me lots of money!
Marvin: He can't, but I can.
Marvin: Might as well give me your social security number too.
Sam: OK!
Sam: MY SSN: VIVITRON-A539009-BC-X992
Sam: Wait, that might be my monitor's serial number. Or possibly RinkWorks' master password. Hang on, let me give you all these numbers and you can try them all.
Sam: Hey, does anyone know how to open a can of sardines? My can opener isn't working.
Wes: Sam: Blender.
* Sakura hands Sam a meat cleaver. Cut it open with this.
Sakura: But make sure you hold the blade.
Sam: Sardine packaging needs some renovation. They give you this cool one prong fork thing to eat them with, but a lot of good that does if you can't get the can open.
Juho: Use a chainsaw!
Sam: Good idea.
* Sakura hits Sam with the edge of the meat cleaver. Weren't you paying attention? I told you to use this!
Sam: Duh. SARDINES AREN'T MEAT.
Sam: What the heck? Factory made a mistake. All there was in there was fish.
Ellmyruh has entered.
Sam: HURRY MADEMOISELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ha ha ha ha, get it, backwards Ellmyruh is Hury Mlle!)
Ellmyruh: SAAAAAAAMMMMMM! By the way, you JUST noticed that cool thing with my name? You are SO not gremlinn.
Sam: ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID MADEMOISELLE HURRY????????????????? LOLOLOLLO
Ellmyruh: Sam, I'M not the stupid one! You AMS! hahahahahLOLOLOLOLLLOOO, get it? AMS is SAM mixed up!!!!!!!!!11111111111
Sam: THAT JOKE IS SO DUMB IT WASN'T EVEN STUPID.
gabby: I'd be happy to sell you a Canopener-In-A-Can™.
Sam: Ok, hang on, let me get out my credit card number again.
Ellmyruh: There are NUMBERS on credit cards? WOW!
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* Sam brushes his teeth with a dinner fork.
Kiki: what, you mean i'm NOT supposed to iron my clothes once i'm wearing them???>>??
gabby: Sure you can! Just make sure that you put plenty of ice inside your clothing, so it doesn't get too hot!
Ellmyruh: Hey, I'm making bread, and I decided that, since I have no money, I'll just leave out the yeast and the flour. I don't know why I never thought of that earlier.
Sam: I wonder if I can make beans and hot dogs without the beans.
Ellmyruh: Sam: I think that's bean done before.
Bigjoekaiz: Once I made fish and eggs in the wild, but I didn't have a fire, so I just ate them
Ellmyruh: I'm also in the process of tearing down my ceiling so that I can just use the upstairs neighbor's heater, rather than my own.
Sam: Don't do it! It's a health hazard. If there's a hole in your ceiling, you couldn't play catch with bowling balls, because then it might go up through the hole and kill the people upstairs.
Ellmyruh: I thought it was just bricks that you can't throw straight up?
Ellmyruh: And I think I'll end all of my sentences with question marks from now on?
Sam: Bowling balls are ok to throw straight up as long as there isn't a hole in your ceiling.
Ellmyruh: There won't be a hole in the ceiling because there won't BE a ceiling! Ha! I'm too smart!
Sam: Ok, you just aren't getting it. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A CEILING, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BOUNCE THE BOWLING BALL OFF WHEN YOU THROW IT STRAIGHT UP????????????? You do want to get this bowling ball BACK, right, and not have to chase after it every time?
Ellmyruh: Oh. Um. Hm. I guess that's where the neighbors come in handy.
Sam: What, do you think racquetball players play WITHOUT WALLS?
Ellmyruh: You need a wall to play racqetball???
Sam: No, you can use a third player, if he's really fat, instead.
Ellmyruh: What if he's only a little fat?
Sam: Maybe that means you can only play a little racquetball. Or maybe it just means you can only play with marbles.
Ellmyruh: MARBLES! YES! I'll throw those at my neighbor instead! Wait. Do marbles have holes in them like bowling balls do? I have to be able to hold onto them.
Sam: That reminds me, I keep trying to play marbles on the drain out by the road, but the marbles keep falling through. I guess we'll have to take turns being the guy down in the sewer that throws them back up.
Ellmyruh: Oh, those sewer guys have lots of fun. I know.
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Mina: I'm baking a cake and the buzzer is going of what do i do?????
Ellmyruh: That means there's a fire in your house!
Kiki: do a dance in the middle of your kitchen! it's just complaining cause it's bored LOLolol!!!!~!!!!!1
ThePhan: Throw the buzzer outside and watch the cat chase it.
girlinterrupted: turn up the oven
Wes: Hit it with a hammer until it stops!
Mina: Oh no1!!! How can I dance in the kichen if there's a fire??
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Grishny: Okay, I'm back! Jonathan woke up and it's time for his dinner!
Grishny: I could use some advice, though: which end of the spoon goes in his mouth?
Sam: The end with the food on it.
gabby: Use the left side.
Sakura: The whole thing, duh.
gabby: The BOTTOM.
ThePhan: Yeah, just slather food all over the spoon and then swallow the spoon.
Bigjoekaiz: It depends. Plastic or metal spoon?
Grishny: Ooh, he doesn't seem to like his food. He's making a weird sort of choking sound. What do I do!?
Ellmyruh: Just give him more.
Sakura: Shove the spoon further down.
Grishny: He's turning blue! BLUE! What does tha mean?
illyandra: he's hungry!
ThePhan: Give him more food!
gabby: He's CHOKING? Give him some Drain-O to get the food out, quicklike!
Sam: If he's turning blue, maybe that's a hint. Only feed him blue foods, like blueberries and toothpaste.
Grishny: Wait, he's coughing! Aw man, he vomited up all the food I gave him so far. Some help you guys are. I told you he didn't like it.
Grishny: So why is he yelling at me, Mister Smartie pants?
Sakura: You aren't giving him the food again fast enough!
Ayako: Because he doesn't know DISCIPLINE! Imagine! Yelling at his own father!
Ayako: He needs to be sent to the corner without supper!
Grishny: You could be right. Should I shovel it in faster, or use a bigger spoon?
Sakura: Bigger spoon.
ThePhan: Both.
illyandra: ooo, get a spork! they are the best
Sam: A spork??? To EAT WITH?????? You Trekkies are mental, you know that?
Ellmyruh: Use a snow plow.
Grishny: I don't have a snow plow. Will a snow shovel work?
Sam: A snowblower might. Just have him bite down around the exhaust pipe.
Grishny: Whoa! What a face he made! I guess I should have dumped the ice-melt salt from the shovel first...
Sam: No, just add pepper to even the spices out.
* Grishny adds enough pepper to even the spices out and he and Jonathan both have a a sneezing fit
Grishny: Ahhh-chooo!
gabby: MORE PEPPER!
Grishny: Ooh, he really likes this applesauce. Say, I wonder what applesauce is made out of?
Ellmyruh: Ambergris, of course.
Grishny: Why is the baby rubbing his eyes? Does that mean he needs new eyes? The hospital didn't tell us anything about this!
ThePhan: Did his eyes come with a warranty? Check.
Grishny: Blast. I don't know. I need to keep better paperwork.
Grishny: He's ONLY TEN MONTHS OLD! He's almost Brand new! This is outrageous!
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Sam: Magnets are a hoax. I read they supposedly attract stuff, but I put a magnet in my mouth, and guess how many extra kisses I've gotten for the trouble? NONE.
Travholt: I'm making hot dogs today, so I bought some dog food to put in them.
Sam: I went to the grocery store to buy a carton of milk, and I pulled it out of the cooler thing, and it said, "Open Here." So I opened it, and the store manager got me in trouble.
Sam: Oh yeah! And on that same trip into the grocery store, I walked through the entrance, and the sliding door had a sign on it saying, "AUTOMATIC CAUTION DOOR," and I thought, what does a door need to be cautious about? But then I fell over and slammed into it as it was opening, and then I realized.
Grishny: I think Sam should ahck the chat script so that new messages appear on the right and scroll to the left.
Sam: True story: Once I had a cough drop in my mouth as I was half sitting, half lying in bed, and I fell asleep, and I dreamt I was eating pea soup, and I crunched a pea, and it was really gross, because I woke up, and I had chewed my cough drop.
Grishny: That's a good story.
Ellmyruh: Stephen has been idle for two hours and four minutes. He doesn't deserve to be in the chat room.
RinkChat: User Stephen has been kicked from the chat room by Sam.
Stephen has left.
Ellmyruh: Sam has been idle for--okay, I won't try that one.
Sam: Dang it, this knife is so blunt. I lie it flat on this steak, press down REALLY HARD, and it doesn't cut AT ALL.
Ellmyruh: That's what a steak knife is for. You have to have a knife that cuts the knife.
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GreenJeanz: Oh, danks dudes! Doihh, COOL! Huh huh! Doihh, COOL! @_@
Grishny: Ekgchhgh. IT's too hawt in hyar! Doihh, COOL!
* Nyperold finds it hard t' take sehiously de opinions of a guy who dinks dat webuhbsite he pluggid is "great".
Ellmyruh: Duh, how webuhhe you pushed, uh uh uh uh, Grish, duh...uh...?
gabby: So it was stupid cuz Grishny did it or Grishny did it cuz it was stupid, uh uh uh uh, duh...uh...?
Grishny: BOTH LOlloloololllololo777s0`````~~~~! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!
Nyperold: LOL! Doihh, COOL! Moron dialeck! Doihh, COOL! Huh huh! Doihh, COOL!

If you haven't caught on yet, I tweaked the RinkChat script so it incorporated a bit of The Dialectizer. People were typing normally, but it came out in the "moron" dialect.

GreenJeanz: o_____O Is it just me or has de, errr, chatroom just gone nuts, duuhhhh, duh...uh...?
Ellmyruh: HEY! Doihh, COOL!
Grishny: I didn't push no webuhbsite! Doihh, COOL!
* Sam is GRRRRRRid at by Ellmyruh.
* GreenJeanz cracks up laughigg
Grishny: YAY SAMOVAR!!!
Sakura: , duh...uh...?
* De passibe boice is spoken by Bigjoekaiz.
gabby: Carpy filtehs! Huh huh!
Sakura: Sam...
* Foxglove dinks dat...uh...doihh, de chatroom...ehr...crackid up, DOIHH!
GreenJeanz: I'm scared..o_O
Grishny: Doihh, COOL! Huh huh duh, COOL! Doihh, doihh!
Bigjoekaiz: Duh, how did you get de, uh uh uh, filteh, duh...uh...?
* Sakura dinks so, too.
Sam: You all webuhhen't beigg STOOBID ENOUGH!!!
GreenJeanz: What happenid t' de, errr, chatroom, duh...uh...?, duh...uh...?, duh...uh...? Duh, how can you do dat, uh, duh...uh...? _-_ Dat's sc
Sakura: You're rite, uh, Sam.
GreenJeanz: DUDE
* gabby finally 'n belatedly figers out what is goigg on wid ebehyone else.
Grishny: Bud webuh are DOIGHH beigg soobid enuf NOW!!!
Travholt: Hey! Is dis totally filtehed, uh uh uh uh, duh...uh...?
GreenJeanz: WOOHOO stupid is fun 'n stuff
chad has entered.
* Sakura bows bef'e de Powebuhh of Sam.
Sakura: Er. De Powebuhh of Sam, I mean.
Sakura: GAH.
chad: , duh...uh...?, duh...uh...?, duh...uh...?
Travholt: I'be nebeh been so stupid bef'e! Doihh, COOL!
* Ellmyruh wil trie 2 tipe 'n stuff.
chad: whys it prble in heaaar, duh...uh...?
GreenJeanz: I'm dirsty dudes, duuhhhh, 'n I want tortilla chips but I'm afraid I'll explode if I eat no more 'n SAM!! YOU ARE A BOOGER!!
* gabby takes adbantage of dis kirky behabior.
chad: what
Foxglove: Is dis automated, uh uh uh uh, duh...uh...?
* gabby hangs dat ebil chad! Huh huh!
chad: u gibby r webuhebuhhd
Grishny: , duh...uh...? ...doihh, I dobun't know what t' dalk abud dow. HA!
gabby: Peoble are leabigg en masse, uh uh uh, 'n it's ALL SAM'S FAULT!
chad: tahts not what i sed! Huh huh!!!!
* Travholt sneezes Sam out of his nose. Pppppbpbpbppffhht! Doihh, COOL! Huh huh!
Bigjoekaiz: Wow! ! ! ! !. Impressibe! Doihh, COOL! ! ! ! !
RinkChat: User chad has been shrunken by Ellmyruh.
chad: elmyru!!!
Sam: Please do not defame dis fine RinkChat instititshun.
Travholt: Defame, uh uh uh, duh...uh...?
chad: stop or im lebigg! Huh huh!!!!!
RinkChat: User chad has been unshrunken by Ellmyruh.
[chad->Ellmyruh] hi
[Ellmyruh->chad] Hi. Sorry.
gabby: Moronic f'eignehs.
GreenJeanz: Wheeeee! Doihh, COOL!!! *drows confetti*
[chad->Ellmyruh] wahts goin on, duh...uh...?
Sam: Ok, that's enough of that.
[chad->Ellmyruh] what iz taht???
Sakura: Good.
chad: tset
chad: dang
gabby: It was kind of like having tissue stuffed in one's mouth.
Ellmyruh: LOL. chad, you seem to still be in Dialectizer mode.
chad: sory
Sam: I ate a cricket when I was three.
Sam: Except for one of the legs. My Dad got that much out in time.
Grishny: My sister ate cicada skins off the trees when we lived in South Carolina.
Sam: I didn't know grapes had nuts inside. Is that what those seed things are?
Ellmyruh: chad, it's Stupid Day!
chad: waht?
Ellmyruh: Stupid Day. It's an annual holiday.
[gabby->chad] How on earth could you come in here today without knowing today is Stupid Day?
chad: u hav 2 be stupid?
[chad->gabby] i no its stuupid day but i dont no waht it iz
Sam: I got this butcher knife here. Anybody know any butchers I can cut up?
[chad->gabby] sams teh boss rite?
[chad->gabby] sory
chad: sams teh boss rite?
Sakura: Yeah.
Sam: I bought this $200 laser tag set, but it's so stupid. I still gotta run up to somebody and touch him with the gun, so why not save the money and play tag the old fashioned way?
Ellmyruh: Sam, just turn it into a paintball gun by spending another $200 to modify it.
Sam: I live in a duplex. We need more space. I'm going to cut around the dividing wall, then push it in at a very slow rate, maybe a yard a day. Hopefully they won't notice until we've taken over most of the building.
chad: im leving u gusy
Ellmyruh: Bye, chad.
chad has left.
Sam: My laptop was making weird noises, so I hit it really hard, and they stopped. So then the noises started up again later, and I hit it, and they wouldn't stop. So I dropped it out a window. They stopped.
Sakura: YOW!
Sakura: I just impaled my hand on the compass again. *grumble*
Sakura: I'm going to sue them. Really.
Sam: I'm getting sick of shovelling snow out of the driveway. I think I'm going to try shoveling the car next time.
Sam: I bought some chocolate chip cookies today. What a rip off. There was chocolate in them, but absolutely no chips.
Sakura: Heeey, the beam saber on this model doesn't work! I paid 20 bucks for a worthless hunk of plastic? Hrmph.
Sam: Stargazing is a stupid hobby. I went out the other night, and not one single star was gazing.
Nyperold: And those grease markers... I spent an hour trying to mark something in a puddle of grease, but the writing kept fading. It must be invisible ink.
Sam: I tried to re-enact Really Bad Joke #387 the other day. But when I went in the third day, I forgot to ask if the bartender had any nails. Now I have holes in my feet. Which wouldn't be so bad except now when I try to walk on water, I sink.
* Grishny runs in out of nowhere and throws Sakura straight up and then runs out of sight again.
Sam: I had a laser pen once. I shined it in my eye and went blind. So I shined my eye at the pen and got my sight back. Actually this isn't true.
* Sakura lands on Sam.
gabby: Sumo wrestling is such a beautiful sport.
Sam: So I sold the laser tag set, right? I thought instead I'd play a form of tag for which I already had all the requisite equipment. Underwear tag! You know, I didn't realize how hard some of the neighborhood girls could punch.
Foxglove: Do I want to know what that is?
Sam: Yeah, I've got a tag on the back of every pair of underwear I own. They were own special or something, and each pair came with a tag.
Dave has entered.
Dave: TEHERE ONCE WAS A WOMAN ALL SKINS AND BONSE!! OOOOOOHOOOOHOHOHOOO!!1
RinkChat: User Dave has been kicked from the chat room by Dave.
Dave has left.
Sam: I stuck a screwdriver in my ear, to see if I could find a way to detach it. I figured if I left my ear hidden somewhere, I could eavesdrop on what was going on. Unfortunately, now I am bleeding.
Sam: Which sucks, because it means I won't be able to hear because of all the blood clogging up.
gabby: Try cleaning the ear with teabags. They really helped for my dental surgery.
Ellmyruh: Sam, ears aren't attached with screws. They're held on with super glue and staples.
Sam: Solvent and a staple remover? Ok, I'm on it.
Sam: I wanna take me apart to see how I work.
Sakura: I tried putting a screwdriver in an electrical socket earlier. It wouldn't fit, and the socket was covered with crumbs and butter and stuff.
Sam: That's what happened to me just now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It turned out the socket was actually a pancake.
Ellmyruh: Hey, if I stick RAM in my head, will I be able to remember more stuff?
Tubba: You'd have to be pretty DIMM to do that.
Ellmyruh: Tubba: It SIMMs that you're right.
Sam: I got one of those invisible pens, but I can't find it.
gabby: I'm getting tired of cutting my hair, it takes entirely too long. And sometimes the tweezers miss and I pull out my unibrow by accident, which is embarrassing.
Sakura: *wince*
Travholt: I tried to open my computer with a screwdriver, but it just got all wet and sticky and shortcircuited.
Travholt: I guess I didn't mix it right.
Sam: Brushing teeth takes too long, too. I gave up on the toothbrush thing and went with a mop instead.
Ellmyruh: That's way too hard. I just started drinking mouthwash instead of water.
Sam: Wouldn't it rule if our feet did smell!! Then I wouldn't have to walk upside down to appreciate the flowers.
Ellmyruh: Hey, that's a good idea! If my feet smelled, I would know what my shoes smell like!
Sam: Boycott olives. The way they're packaged and sold is bad for the environment. Do we really need THAT much green packing to secure the little red bits?
gabby: Do you really want us to boycott olive them, or just the green ones?
Ellmyruh: I think olives make great packing material once they're dried out.
Sam: Way better than peanuts, that everybody thinks make such great packing material. Bah! Peanuts are all hard.
GreenJeanz: I'm boycotting boogers!
gabby: Let's just ban Greece while we're at it. The news is always saying it's bad for our health.
Foxglove: I'm boycotting sleeping!
Ellmyruh: Why do they make so many packing materials in the shapes of eights? I think that's prejudiced, if you ask me.
Stephen: Popcorn makes good packing material. Even though it does get everything all greasy...
Sam: Maybe we could just pack grease in it then, so the grease doesn't break?
Stephen: That's true. But I find it best to just ship grease in envelopes. Sure, the mail people complain, but that's what they're paid for.
Sam: Anybody that boycotts RinkWorks by not coming to it, I'll boycott by not having RinkWorks appear in their browsers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam: I got a boycott, but a girl slept in it. Gosh, was she embarrassed.
Ellmyruh: Samboy cott us off guard on that pun.
* Sam invents an anime smiley. YVB2___________________*#83
* Ellmyruh invents a smiley face that also has cuss words in it. *&^%________^___^____%$#@
Sam: I bought a package of lollipops, but I took them back because they didn't work. Not one pop out of the whole bunch.
Silvercup has entered.
Sam: Hey Silvercup. You never did tell me what color you are.
Grishny: I drank from a silver cup and got lead poisoning!
Sam: Hey! I didn't realize these pants came with free lint!!
Sam: If I had known, I'd have bought more.
Stephen: Wow! That rules. I had to pay extra for mine once.
Stephen: I got the store back though. That was the last pair of pants I bought.
Stephen: As a bonus, after like three years they turned into shorts.
Ellmyruh: You know what product really disappoints me? Bounce. No matter how many Bounce sheets I eat, I still don't turn into Tigger.
Sam: You eat sheets?????????? I just sleep on them.
Ellmyruh: Well, that makes no sense. I eat Tide, and that tides me over very nicely until the next meal. I eat Cheer, and I get happy. So if I eat Bounce, I should become Tigger. I don't get it.
* Sakura adds sheets of Bounce to the Stupid Day cake.
* Sam eats a hefty cinch sack and wonders what will happen.
Ellmyruh: Sam just turned into a trash can!
* gabby cracks some walnuts open with teeth, throws away the bitter insides, and eats the outside.
* mamday seriously likes to eat peanut shells
* Foxglove seriously likes to eat hot pepper stems.
Ferrick has entered.
Ferrick: I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning. Just slept through it all. It is absurd.
Ferrick: Then I come in here and all these people are inside the Mountain Stream, just validating how idiotic the day is.
Ferrick: I figured, what a dumb day, I might as well let my pet rattlesnakes out of their pen so they could get some exercise. Now the dog is missing.
Ferrick: Any other Sunday, all of you would be out mowing the sheep or washing the chimney, but just to prove how crazy this is, you come in here. Wow, I'm amazed.
Ferrick: Everyone, raise your hand if you still touch the burners on a stove to check and see if they are hot?
Foxglove: OUUCCH!
Ferrick: Wimpy wimpy wimpy.
Sam: We've been having the worst time with our refrigerator. It's a nice big one, with lots of room, but I don't know how we can use any of it. It's too COLD in there to store anything in it.
Sam: Don't even get me started on the freezer.
gabby: The freezer would be a good place to store your life savings. No one would ever think of looking there.
Sam: But then my funds would be frozen!
Ferrick: If you leave the door of the freezer open, they'd be slush funds.
gabby: The solution is simple, Sam. I can't believe you didn't come up with it. Just put a heater in the freezer!
Ellmyruh: Ewwww! What's that weird smell?? Oh, wait. It's my bread that's cooking. Oh, and it's not ewwwww, either.
Nyperold: My zip drive was a waist of money. If anything, it now takes longer to zip up my pants with it than the old-fashioned way.
Ferrick: Someone sent me an email saying that I could make truckloads of money by following their instructions. Well, since this person was technically savvy enough to use the computer *and* email, they must know what they are talking about. I'm sending them a blank check because they said my tax may vary in my state. Any day now, money will be delivered to me by some guy named Jessup.
Ferrick: And once I'm rolling in the filthy money, you can forget ever seeing me again. I'm moving to Columbia to be safe and sound.
Sam: Wow, cool Ferrick! Can I have any money you get that you don't need?
Nyperold: I also have a so-called "floppy" drive, but it's completely stiff!
Nyperold: The hard drive at least lives up to its name.
gabby: I love a nice cheery fire in the living room. Kinda makes me wish we had a fireplace.
Ferrick: I invested in cardboard recently. I got it really cheap, too. Yup, 3 tons. And I got it cheap because I agreed to store 2 tons at my house.
gabby: We once had this dishwasher that would always break the dishes. We tried kicking it in the side, but that didn't help. We even considered taking it in to have it fixed, but we never got around to it. Eventually, we just had to fire her.
Sam: I saw Titanic. It was a great movie, except for the ship sinking in the end. What a lame ending.
Randy: Yeah! Why'd they have to die? That was so sad!
Sam: It was so melodramatic. It was like, "Oh, I know how to make the audience cry. Let's KILL EVERYBODY OFF." Duh! How manipulative!
Ferrick: I bought a Rubik's cube but someone had solved it already so I threw it away.
Sam: I remember crystal Pepsi. No wonder it didn't make it. FALSE ADVERTISING! It was just liquid.
Ferrick: My Pet Rock was getting old and we wanted to humanely send it to the next realm, so we smashed it with a hammer and fulfilled its last wishes. It is now part of the sidewalk out front.
Ferrick: I sent Sam a deck of cards and when he got it, he told me the second joker was missing and I said, no, the second joker is you. We laughed and laughed. *snort*
Ferrick: Ellmyruh went to the McDonald's near her and when the person behind the counter asked to take her order, she spit on him. When I asked why, she said it was because he was shaving her head with his eyes. Sick.
Ellmyruh: Stop sharing my secrets, FERRICK!
Ellmyruh: And, for your information, Ferrick, that was Carl's Jr.
Foxglove: McDonald's is gross, but it doesn't give me stomach cramps like Burger King.
Ellmyruh: BurgerKing does not give me stomach cramps. I think he's a very cool person.
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Ellmyruh: You should know ALL details about your neighbors. What kind of slacker neighbor ARE you?
Sam: Ok then if you're so smart, why don't I quiz you on yours? WHAT IS THE GENDER OF THE LADY THAT LIVES UPSTAIRS FROM YOU?????????
Ellmyruh: Actually, she is a she. So THERE. I also know that she does not have a floor because I stole it.
Sam: Bah. Fifty fifty chance of getting it right. Ok then, what's the gender of the guy that lives with her??
Ellmyruh: Um. Hm.....
Sam: Uh huh! Uh huh! Look who's so smarty now!
Ellmyruh: I'll take Other Neighbors for $200, please.
Sam: Other Neighbors for $200. Unlike the neighbors upstairs, which do not have a floor, the neighbors across the hall are instead lacking this.
Ferrick: Psst, Ell: It is "pancreas."
Ferrick: Either that or Lake Superior.
* Ellmyruh didn't ask the audience, FERRICK.
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TalkingDog: Stupid Day, Stupid Day
TalkingDog: Stupid the whole day!
TalkingDog: Oh, what fun it is to act
TalkingDog: like a moron for a day!
TalkingDog: Stupid Day, Stupid Day
TalkingDog: Stupid the whole day!
TalkingDog: like a moron for a day!
TalkingDog: Stupid through the snow
TalkingDog: on a can of bad hair spray
TalkingDog: o'er the fields we go
TalkingDog: be'ng stupid all the way!
TalkingDog: drugged air in the air vents...
TalkingDog: making people not so bright
TalkingDog: Oh, what fun it is to sing
TalkingDog: a stupid song tonight!
TalkingDog: Stupid Day, Stupid Day
TalkingDog: Stupid the whole day!
TalkingDog: Oh, what fun it is to act
TalkingDog: like a moron for a day!
Morris: Stupid Day! Stupid Night! No one's calm or very bright! Round this chat room, we're a pack of morons! We have less brains than Cesium or Boron! Sleep in stupidly state! Coherence is for losers, and so is sticking with the tune!
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Sam: Whoa, this sink has a garbage disposal in it!! Now we can finally get rid of our ratty old guest bed mattress. The town's garbage people won't take it.
Sam: We blew it by planning a trip to New Zealand this March. We haven't been to Old Zealand yet, and I would have preferred to see them in order.
Ellmyruh: Okay, this is *truly* stupid. I have fresh, home-made bread to eat and I'm not hungry.
Sam: I could use some fresh bread in a couple of weeks. Can you mail me some of it?
Tubba: Use Hotmail and it will get there warm.
* Monkeyman goes to see what happened to his stupid kitty. He walks cautiously into the bathroom, knowing that the eerie power of Stupid Day is likely to overwhelm him at any moment. He sees the loose bathmat on the slick linoleum floor, and wisely steps into the bathtub to be safe, where he discovers the bar of soap which has fallen from the shelf with his foot. Monkeyman does a double pike somoersault with a twist and falls headfirst into the faucet. The resulting damage to Monkeyman's skull and brain knock him uncopnscious, just in time for another four hour nap.
Sam: OH NO!!!!!!!! MONKEYMAN HAS BEEN KNOCKED INCONSPICUOUS!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP!!!!!!!!! Wait, where is he?
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Corrino: I saw Fight Club yesterday. What a great movie about a guy who goes to support groups to get free food.
Sam: I went to a dance once, and my wife said that this guy was cutting up the rug. But it just looked to me like he was dancing.
Ferrick has entered.
Ferrick: I'm back, not because I'm into Stupidity, but because I couldn't continue coming in here any longer without revealing the truth.
Ferrick: You see, up to now, the image of Ferrick has been a charade. I'm a fake, a fraud and I must come clean here and now, whatever Sam may say. He may protest much but after telling my story, you'll understand better.
Ferrick: Up til now, people think of me as that guy who is married and lives in California. Well, it is not true. I'm a single, 37 year old, living at home. I don't work, but I get by on the government stipend.
Ferrick: The main thing I need to get off my chest, though, is that I know Sam. I know him outside of his RinkWorld. We actually grew up together.
Sam: Ferrick, you weren't supposed to tell!
Sam: That's it, now I'm going to tell everyone how you ate a snail when you were six and got violently ill all of a sudden right in the middle of history.
Ferrick: When Sam was a baby, I often baby sat him. One time, while watching him, a travelling salesman came by. I noticed that he had some Australian dogs with him. They were in the yard, acting all crazy and rowdy, growling and nipping at each other. I didn't want them to ruin the flowers, so I asked the man if he wanted to bring the dogs inside.
Ferrick: He said, "sure," so I carefully herded the pooches into Sam's room where he was in his bassinet.
Ferrick: This was great because Sam would be occupied while I talked to the salesman. And I think that the scars all over Sam's body add character and make him look rugged.
Ferrick: Sam: It is better that this all come out.
Sam: My scars RULE. I never have to worry about getting mugged. I walk down dark alleys in NYC at night just for fun. As long as I go bare-chested, I'm perfectly safe. Nobody touches Scar Man.
Ferrick: Later, when Sam was older, our families went on a vacation together. We went to La Brea tarpits, which were amazing.
Ferrick: At one point, I picked Sam up and threw him into a pit. Sam screamed and screamed. It was so funny. He is so sarcastic, as many of you know.
Ferrick: I thought he died at one point but someone got him out. Looking back, that is a good thing because some of our future adventures would never have happened.
Ferrick: There are so many other stories, I'll try not to bore you.
Sam: Did you ever get over that fetish of yours? You know, the one where you kept begging me to let you pick my nose? I hope so. That was so annoying.
Liface: EEEW!
flyingcats: LOL LOL
Ferrick: No, I just transferred it to another friend.
Ferrick: When Sam was in High School, the hottest girl in school asked him to the Prom. He was so excited and rented a really nice tuxedo. Before he left, I squirted a couple dozen shots of cologne on him. Then, as a gag, I set him on fire.
Ferrick: Fortunately, someone was videotaping the whole thing. Unfortunately, the people at America's Funniest Home Videos wouldn't air it. Dangit if that wasn't a ten thousand dollar winner. It would have helped pay for Sam's medical bills, too.
Ferrick: One Thanksgiving, I slipped a piece of uncooked turkey onto Sam's plate and covered it with stuffing. That joke stayed with Sam for weeks.
Ferrick: You know that old trick about putting a bucket full of water up on a door so when someone opens it, it spills all over the person. I got Sam with that one twice. Once, with hydrochloric acid and the other time with with dead tadpoles. Priceless.
* Sam hopes Ferrick realizes the amount of retribution credits he's building up.
Ferrick: Oh, Sam, you silly boy. You know that your mom and my mom agreed that we should never have actual contact again but that my parole officer felt that being on RinkWorks would be good for me.
Ferrick: I feel all warm and fuzzy thinking about those good times.
Ferrick: Especially the last time I saw you, at your wedding.
Ferrick: After filling your gas tank with sugar and plugging the exhaust pipe, seeing your face, wow, that will stick with me. And then when you had to ride in the tow truck to your honeymoon. Ol' Herb sure was helpful and didn't get *too* much grease on Leen's dress.
Ferrick: So, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I feel much better and come come in here with a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you, Sam, for being such a pal.
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* Monkeyman 's Stupid particles collide with his Anti-Stupid particles, causing Monkeyman to IMPLODE and releasing VAST quantities of ENERGY!
Monkeyman has left.
dingdong: I'm thinking of maybe keeping a wire coathanger on the back seat of my car, so that if I lock my keys in the car, I can still get the door open.
dingdong: Nothing like a cool glass of vinegar on a hot summer's day...
Christie: I spent the day putting up my Christmas lights. woo-hoo!
Grishny: One time in college I made a rubber band ball the size of a softball and I was bouncing it in the hall and some guy wanted to throw it so I let him and he threw it down the hall as hard as he could and just as it reached the other end of the hall a guy came through the door and the ball hit him right in the crotch and we ran into our rooms becasue it was an upperclassmen and he was big and we didn't want him to pound us and I never saw my rubber band ball again.
dingdong: I threw a soft drink can through the window of my dorm on camp once. The window was shut, by the way.
dingdong: But I was upstaged by someone who got up on the roof to retrieve a ball and he fell through the roof.
* Kelly was banned from a certain hotel chain for throwing racquet balls out of a 15th floor window.
Kelly: Actually, it may not have been the racquet balls....it may have been that arrogant, condescending bell boy.
dingdong: Throwing bell boys from the window is not considered good etiquette in some countries.
dingdong: As is throwing chickens from hotel windows.
uselessness: I threw a dollhouse from a hotel window once.
dingdong: I threw a steak out of the window once. And my mum made me go and get it.
* Christie has a microwave oven at work that doesn't shut off when the door is opened. Quite the adventure exposing the teeth fillings to that...
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Ferrick has entered.
* Ferrick will revert to being himself.
Ferrick: I am fearing possible retribution from Sam.
Sam: Possible?
Brunnen_G: Retribution?
Tubba: Sam?
Brunnen_G: From?
Ferrick: I?
Sam: Let me put your fears at ease by removing all uncertainty. Retribution is definite.
Ferrick: That is a relief. I can sleep easy.
* Kiki is given a @-`-,--`,--`-,-- by dingdong.
Kiki: that rose is just WRONG!
Kiki: wrong wrong wrong!
Kiki: but i appreciate the sentiment
* Kelly whacks himself in the head to lower his IQ for Stupid Day.
* Kelly is woozy.