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Archives: The Lawsuit


We live in such a litigious society today, I can't even keep it out of the chat room. The "2.0" stuff is a reference to an I Think rant and was first used in RinkChat in Self-Seance.

* Sam thwacks Stephen on the noggin.
* Stephen is going to sue Sam for cyber assault!
Stephen: You'd better have a darned good lawyer, Sam!
RinkChat: User Stephen has been labeled 'Litigious' by Stephen.
RinkChat: User Stephen has been kicked from the chat room by Sam.
Stephen has left.
Sam: Lawyer shmawyer.
Stephen has entered.
Stephen: Ohhh, I see how it is!
Stephen: No, you can't just try to silence me, Sam!
Stephen: You will be hearing from my lawyer!
RinkChat: User Stephen has been quieted by Sam.
RinkChat: User Stephen has had operator privileges removed by Sam.
Sam: Wow. That's pretty silenced.
Stephen2_0 has entered.
Stephen2_0: Oh jeez. I can't believe I have to defend that clod
Stephen2_0: Or rather, represent him
RinkChat: User Stephen2_0 has been labeled 'Esq.' by Stephen2_0.
Sam: I can't believe you're only one version higher than him.
Stephen2_0: Me neither! He's such a buffoon!
* Stephen2_0 goes through some papers and hands some to Sam
Stephen2_0: Anyway, Mr. Stoddard, consider yourself served
* Sam nimbly leaps away, dodging the subpoeiaoioaeioaeoina.
* Stephen2_0 rolls his eyes
* Stephen2_0 hands the papers to Stephen, who folds them into a paper airplane and chucks them at Sam
Radebur2_0 has entered.
Radebur2_0: hi!!!!!!!!!!1~
Radebur2_0: lol!
Radebur2_0: it's the n3w m3!!!!1!11~~ lol lol
Stephen2_0: Oh dear
Radebur2_0: i say lol mor3! lol!
Radebur2_0: lol, dood, you are wieird.
Radebur2_0: ol
Radebur2_0: lol
Radebur2_0: i mispeld lol! lol!
Stephen2_0: Sadly, you really don't say lol much more than the old one
Radebur has entered.
Radebur: look!!!!!!!!! a new me!!! LOL!!!!!!!~
Radebur2_0: stephen, u ur rite!!1 lol~~
Radebur: hahahaha. radebur20 u r k3wl!!~~!!!
Stephen2_0: We certainly don't need this.
RinkChat: User Radebur has been kicked from the chat room by Sam.
RinkChat: User Radebur2_0 has been kicked from the chat room by Sam.
RinkChat: User Stephen2_0 has been kicked from the chat room by Sam.
Radebur has left.
Radebur2_0 has left.
Stephen2_0 has left.
famous: Ah, all is well again.

For the record, Radebur2_0 was me.

RinkChat: User Stephen has been unquieted by Sam.
RinkChat: User Stephen has been made an operator by Sam.
Sam: Whew.
Stephen: I'm still going to sue you, Sam
* Sam thwacks Stephen on the head again. If he's going to get sued, he might as well get some more gratuitous violence in for it.
Stephen: The RinkWorks Rules of Engagement, clearly state that I have the right to sue you in a, ruled by you
Stephen: Dang. That doesn't seem very fair at all
Stephen: Oh, wait, it looks like I can appeal any rule in the RoE in an appellate court ruled by...erm, Sam again
Stephen: You know Sam, if I didn't know better, I'd assume you wrote these all yourself
Sam: Stephen, your appeal is granted.
Sam: Aargh!!
* Sam made a crucial error in defending his case.
Sam: Darn! Darn!
Stephen: My appeal is granted!? YES!
famous: What? What?
Stephen: I want...uh, famous to be the judge in this case
famous: Ok.
RinkChat: User famous has been labeled 'Judge' by famous.
Stephen: The fact that she doesn't even know what the RoE are should be a benefit to me
famous: Oh, so you think so, Stephen?
Stephen: So, your honour, are we allowed to bring in lawyers to represent us?
Stephen: The RoE don't really specify the rules of a court in this sort of situation
famous: Um no. Not unless I am an op. I'd need the power to kick them, seeing as how lawyers are bad.
Stephen: That's doable
RinkChat: User famous has been made an operator by Stephen.
famous: hehe. I knew that would be enough to get you to do it. :)
Stephen2_0 has entered.
RinkChat: User Stephen2_0 has been labeled 'Lawyer' by Stephen2_0.
RinkChat: User Stephen has been labeled 'Plaintiff' by Stephen.
gambit has entered.
gambit: what is going on?
Stephen: I'm suing Sam for cyber assault
Stephen2_0: My client was abused by this treacherous beast, one Samuel Stoddard, and has sought legal recourse
Stephen2_0: It would appear that our defendant in this case has chosen to...well, completely insult the Court by not even being present
* Sam , being a good defendant, will not be testifying.
Stephen2_0: Oh, he showed up. My apologies
famous: And what will you do instead Sam?
famous: Gah! Class is about to start. I'm going to have limited typing time. Hurry up and make your cases.
Sam: Ok. I didn't do it.
Stephen2_0: There's not a lot to explain, your honour
Stephen2_0: Essentially, my client, Stephen Keller (known as Stephen) was "thwacked" by one Samuel Stoddard on the afternoon of Feb. 1, 2000
* famous has come to a decision.
* Stephen thinks that was quick
* famous declares Stephen out of order for saying it was afternoon, when we all know it's 7:00 p.m. Judge time.
Stephen2_0: Your honour, I apologize. But it was really slightly before that, anyway
famous: Ok Stephen.
Stephen2_0: If it would please the court, I will amend my statement to say "On the evening of Feb 1..."
famous: It pleases the court.
Mousie has entered.
Stephen: Oh, hey, Mousie!
Stephen: I could use someone who actually knows something about the law
Mousie: I can help!
Stephen: Of course... seeing as how we follow the RoE here, that may not be a good thing
Mousie: What's the issue?
Stephen: Sam hit me! I'm suing him for cyber assault!
Mousie: You undoubtedly deserved it, but I'm sure some ambulance chaser will take your case, seeing as how Sam is the deep pockets defendant.

Don't I wish!

Stephen: I did *not* deserve it. And Stephen2.0 is acting as my lawyer
Stephen2_0: I am most certainly not an "ambulance chaser"!
Mousie: What's that saying about an attorney representing himself has a fool for a client?
Stephen: I'm not representing myself. Stephen2.0 is
Stephen2_0: Please don't confuse me with Stephen 1.82
famous: I think Sam needs some good representation. His claim is weak.
Mousie: Sam, what is the basic tenet of your defense?
Stephen2_0: Your honour, if it pleases the court, I'd like to call my first witness: Stephen
famous: Ok. Call your first witness
* Stephen takes the er.. "stand"?
Stephen2_0: Now, Mr. Keller, would you like to tell us how you know the Defendant?
Stephen: Uhm...well...
RinkChat: User ShadowClerk has been labeled 'Jury' by ShadowClerk.
* Stephen is nervous
Stephen: I've frequented his website..
Sam: I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* famous would like to remind Sam not to speak out of turn.
Stephen2_0: RinkWorks?
Stephen: Yes, that's it. Anyway, I've known him for a while...
Stephen2_0: Describe what happened on the evening of Feb. the 1st
Stephen: Well... we were in chat, and I was describing his trivia game. Then he thwacked me for joking around about Darien
Stephen has left.
Stephen2_0 has left.
Sam: Yes! I win by default!
famous: Sam, you are lucky. I saw you do it, so I would've had to side with him.
Sam: Bummer of an ISP there, Stephen! Sucker!!!
* Sam thumbs his nose at the departing Stephens.
Stephen: Sam, You wish, pig scum!!!!!!
Sam: AAAH!!
Sam: Where the HECK did you come from???
* Sam is scared.
* Sam sits back down.
Stephen2_0: So then you were just playing around?
Stephen: Yes, I was just playing around. He got physical
Stephen2_0: I see. Well then, no further questions. Defense, your witness
* Sam notes his cue to stand.
Sam: Stephen, did you get a good look at my face when I thwacked you in the head?
Stephen: Uhm...well... yeah, for the most part. I mean, cyberspace is sort of dark. But I still KNOW it was you
Sam: Uh HUH.
Sam: Where were you at the time of the alleged incident, anyway?
Stephen: I was in RinkWorks chat
Sam: Just as I suspected.
Sam: Jury, I think Stephen's case has been revealed to be the horribly slipshod scam that it is. Stephen was in RinkChat at the time of the alleged incident, and so was I. Therefore, the evidence is purely circumstantial.
Stephen: THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!!
Sam: Order!
famous: ORDER!!
* Stephen2_0 motions to Stephen to SHUT UP
Stephen: I'm sorry, your honour
Stephen: I got carried away
Sam: Throw that man out for contempt of court!
famous: I'm going to throw you out.
Stephen2_0: Your honour, to throw my client out for just one minor mistake is hardly fair...
famous: I meant Sam.
Stephen2_0: Oh. Well, I think that would probably be a wise decision
* Sam sneaks up behind the judge's bench while her attention is distracted with the Stephens...and thwacks her in the head! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!
* Sam sits down.
* Sam looks innocent.
* Sam pretends to look at something on the wall.
Stephen: HEY!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!?!?!
Stephen: SEE!! SEE!?!
Sam: See what?
* Stephen rushes at Sam, fists-a-flyin'
Sam: Stephen, dood, u ur weird.
* Stephen2_0 smacks his forehead
* Stephen starts thwacking Sam as hard and fast as he can
famous: That's it.
Stephen: HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, HUH!?!?!?
Sam: Hey!!! Cut it out!
Sam: Look at this!!!
* Stephen2_0 tries to restrain Stephen
* Stephen2_0 puts Stephen into a sleeper hold
RinkChat: User Stephen has been labeled 'Out cold' by Stephen.
* Sam kills Stephen.
Sam: Self-defense!
* Stephen dies
RinkChat: User Stephen has been labeled 'Dead' by Stephen.
Sam: He made me do it!
* Sam thwacks Stephen2_0!
Stephen: Whoa. Being Dead's pretty cool. Thanks, Sam!
RinkChat: User ShadowClerk has been quieted by famous.
RinkChat: User gambit has been quieted by famous.
RinkChat: User Mousie has been quieted by famous.
RinkChat: User ladadadada has been quieted by famous.
RinkChat: User Stephen2_0 has been quieted by famous.
RinkChat: User Stephen has been quieted by famous.
RinkChat: User eric has been quieted by famous.
famous: That's enough. No more fighting.
Sam: About time you shut them up.
* Sam sticks his tongue out.
* Sam whispers "neener neener neener" to Stephen.
famous: I sentence everyone here to complete niceness from now on.
RinkChat: User Mousie has been unquieted by Mousie.
Mousie: What'd I say? I'm suing famous for unlawful and unnecessary quieting.
RinkChat: User Mousie has been shrunken by famous.
Mousie: I'm still suing! I'll just do it in SMALL CLAIMS COURT!
RinkChat: User ShadowClerk has been unquieted by famous.
RinkChat: User ladadadada has been unquieted by famous.
RinkChat: User Stephen has been unquieted by famous.
RinkChat: User eric has been unquieted by famous.
Sam: I'm appealing famous niceness sentence! That's cruel and unusual punishment!
Stephen2_0: Your honour, I would just like to say that this whole trial has really been a bit of a sham, and I won't stand for it anymore. The Plaintiff drops his case, specifically since he is dead
RinkChat: User Stephen2_0 has been kicked from the chat room by famous.
Stephen2_0 has left.
Sam: HA!!!!
* Sam waves his fist at departing Stephen2_0 furiously.
Sam: You suck Stephen2_0!
Sam: You need like six more revisions!
RinkChat: User Mousie has been unshrunken by famous.
famous: Sorry mousie.
Mousie: Sorry doesn't cut it, missy. You're being sued.
Mousie: Prepare for the courtroom battle of your life!
gambit: I am suing famous for abuse of her newfound power!
gambit: HAH!
Stephen: Hey now, remember, according to the RoE, you have to sue someone in a court ruled by Sam
Stephen: I had a special exception because I won an appeal
Mousie: Of course, for the right number of cookies, we might be persuaded to consider settling this matter out of court.
ladadadada: COOKIES!
ladadadada: YUM!
famous: ok mousie.
* Sam has heard the evidence and rules in favor of eric.
famous: Noooo!!!!!!
* Sam demands famous and Mousie both pay punitive court fees in the amount of 32 cookies each.
famous: sam, ok fine, how about 42?
Stephen: I think we should all sue AOL and settle out of court for like 3.2 million cookies
ladadadada: All those in favour of Cookies all round say "aye"
Stephen: Aye!
famous: aye
gambit: aye!
gambit: aye aye!
ladadadada: Aye Aye AYE AYE AYE !
ladadadada: So, let's see, everyone has to send a minimum of five cookies to the person in the list below them...
* Sam exacts a 150% cookie tax fee on all cookie transactions that take place between RinkChat members.
* Stephen will send eric some cookies, seeing as he could likely drive them to his house
ladadadada: Isn't there a law against driving while under the influence of death...?
* Sam no longer has any sense of where this sketch is going, or where it should be taken.
* famous doesn't either.

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