The following are quotes from exams and papers assigned to 7th through 12th students and, for the music section, college students. They were supplied by teachers across the nation.

Science:

• "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
• "H₂O is hot water, and CO₂ is cold water."
• "To collect fumes of suphur, hold on a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
• "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
• "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
• "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
• "The largest organ in the human body is the head."
• "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, then expectoration."
• "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
• "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
• "The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects."
• "Germinate means to become a naturalized German."
• "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off."
• "A planet is a body of Earth surrounded by sky."
• "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
• "To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in."
• "The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation."
• "The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours."
• "Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."
• "We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and the study of rocks."
• "The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now."
• "English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse."
• "People shouldn't be allowed to shoot extinct animals."
• "Humans are more intelligent than beasts because human branes have more convulsions."
• "If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence."
• "A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle."

Medicine:

• "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
• "For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
• "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
• "For fractures: To see if the limb is broken, giggle it gently back and forth."
• "For dust in the eye: Pull the eye down over the nose."
• "Blood flows down one leg and back the other."
• "When you haven't enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier."
• "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
• "Many women believe that an alcoholic beverage will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."
• "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cupids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

Geography:

• "Rhode." -- An answer given to the question, "What is the only island state?"

History:

• "The Magna Carta provided that no free men should be hanged twice for the same offense."
• "Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head."
• "Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes."
• "The system involving barons and lords was called the futile system."
• "Milton wrote 'Paradise Lost.' Then his wife dies, and he wrote 'Paradise Regained.'"
• "Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe."
• "The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died, and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this."
• "Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead."
• "Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms."
• "Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel."
• "Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English."
• "Bach died from 1750 to the present."
• "Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He expired in 1827 and later died for this."
• "[Napoleon] wanted an heir to inheret his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children."
• "The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West."
• "Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years."
• "Queen Victoria's reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality."
• "Queen Victoria's death was the final event which ended her reign."
• "Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis."
• "Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Spices."
• "It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance."
• "Without Greeks, we wouldn't have history."
• "One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable."
• "Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey."
• "Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of the same name."
• "In the Olympics Games, Greeks ran races jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java."
• "The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands."
• "When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men."
• "Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks."
• "The Whiskey Rebellion was when some people got smashed and went and rebelled."

The Bible

• "In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off."
• "Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
• "Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
• "Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears."
• "Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."
• "Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah."
• "Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients."
• "The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert."
• "Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments."
• "The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple."
• "The Fifth Commandment is 'Humor thy father and mother.'"
• "The Seventh Commandment is 'Thou shalt not admit adultery.'"
• "Moses died before he ever reached Canada."
• "Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol."
• "The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him."
• "David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar."
• "David fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times."
• "Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."
• "The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels."
• "The epistles were the wives of the apostles."
• "St. Paul cavorted to Christianity."
• "Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage."
• "In some religions a man can have many wives, and this is called polygamy. In our religion a man can have one wife, and this is called monotony."

Literature

• "Romeo and Juliet were a romantic couplet."

Music

• "The piano finishes off the piece."
• "[Beethoven] went death but still kept on writing and producing music. He wrote one more symphony after his death."
• "Smetana suffered the same fate as Beethoven and went death."
• "The computer-generated sounds came in with a screeching nose."
• "It was the most fun self-culturing experience I have endured."
• "Shania Twain, Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson." -- A student naming "three female vocal ranges, from low to high."
• "Claude Debussy weekend the tonality."
• "The piece continues on with shirt notes."
• "[I was] uninterested in leaving before I could here more."
• "The cello and harpsichord were playing in a very fast beast."
• "Now tuba, Trump bone, and French horn play..."
• "I enjoyed the song immensely and was pretty."
• "It was fun to recognize the Rhonda format and predict what forms would be coming up next."
• "It started out with all the instruments giving out a welcoming horning."
• "[It] ends with all of them playing a short long note."
• "The movement ends with a final foul note."
• "The trumpets play tonged notes."
• "I really like how they would sometimes hold their beat and jump to the other."
• "[The group played] the Second Suite in F by Gustav Hoist."
• "The third movement was a lower pitched, the flute as if it represented one person and the orchestra a few others, the harsh tones and the melancholy feeling that felt as the orchestra with its brass section the cymbals and the strings all expressed a very angry and vengeful melody."
• "When the tempo got fast it got me in an exiting mood."
• "[Meter is] how many beats may be heard before one is stressed."
• "The melody was plaid for the most part."
• "This piece got my attention from begging to end."
• "The horn blowed the piano."
• "Robert Schumann wanted to become a virtuoso but became a composer because of a disabling finger."
• "The orchestra sounds like they [are] not worming up yet."