> Here are some expressions my more rural relatives use:
>
> "I haven't seen you in a coon's age!"

Coon is a type of chese over here.
>
> "I haven't seen you since Hector was a pup!" (I don't get this one. Something about the Odyssey, I think.)
>
> "She's happy as a pig in s***."

We have this one in Australia.
>
> "I was spitting nails." (was angry)

We refer to it as "spitting chips".
>
> "Grampaw's drunk as a lord."

I've heard this one, but not locally, maybe in a book or something.
>
> Eh, that's all I can think of now. But there are plenty more I haven't heard outside of Pennsylvania.

Australians have many colourful colloquialisms, most of which couldn't be printed on a family site.

Here's my favourite:

"Fair Suck of the Sauce Bottle" possibly meaning, 'be fair'.

You don't here it very often, but a friend of mine used to say it when we were younger, and I thought it was funny.

ding"strewth"dong