People seemed to like 'em the last time I posted me. Once again, I stole these from Humorscope.com (I'd add a link but I don't know how, deal)


Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly
normal.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Everyone you work with will bring Kim Chee for lunch, today. They're just
doing it to be difficult.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

.syas enoyna gniht elgnis a dnatsrednu ot elba eb t'now uoy yadot, ylddO

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless you've paid.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will be strangely drawn to an odd glass sculpture in an antique shop.
The proprietor will show it to you with some hesitation, and will be visibly
perspiring when you buy it. You'll hear an almost anguished sigh of relief
from him, as you leave with it.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1
in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is
through.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will wake with a start tonight, and hear a sound like that of a whole
herd of capybara snuffling around in your closet. Fortunately, when you
switch on the light, that will turn out to be all it is.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Everyone's talking about Nostradamus these days, but nobody ever
remembers his first name. Except you. People may think it's pretentious of
you to talk about "Bob Nostradamus", but who cares? They'll all die when
the comet hits, anyway.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

As a joke, you will put a remote controlled monster under someone's bed.
That will be really funny, although perhaps not quite as funny as when they
put a real monster under yours.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Excellent day to fidget.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

You will overhear a whispered conversation, regarding how cute it is the
way someone wiggles their tushy when they walk. You will have an
uncomfortable feeling that they may be referring to you. This may make
you a trifle self-conscious.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Soon you will find yourself at another dull party, where the only person you
know is who you came with. You'll need to use Tip #39 of my book "101
Ways To Break The Ice": Ask someone who they are, after introducing
yourself. When they say their name, repeat it back to them as "YOU'RE
Bill Smith???" "Uh, yes" "Well, you sure can't believe everything you hear,
can you?" "What do you mean?" "Well, it's just that you don't look at ALL
like a weasel, you know? Or at least, hardly at all."

Spider-I'mhereforanargument-Boy