For as long as I can remember, my imagination has let me wonder what it would like to be a celebrity. I'd watch the Academy Awards on television and picture myself there amongst the crowd, mingling with the people whose names have become common household words. The smiling faces on the cover of People magazine seemed to beckon me, as if inviting me to come closer and pursue fame of my own so that I might one day deserve a place on a magazine cover. I wondered what it must be like to have hundreds, or even thousands, of people crowding around just so they might take a picture with me.

Did I want fame? I think I did. I wanted people to know my name. I went through a time when I dreamed of becoming a famous author. What would it be like to know people were actually checking books out of the library because I had written them? Or what would it be like to know that people were going to watch a movie because I had a part in it? How exhilarating must it be to stand in the spotlight?

I have since had a very small taste of fame, and I now realize what it's like to be known and recognized by others. And I know that I don't want it. Yes, the glory is thrilling, and the comforts and commodities that accompany fame are certainly tempting, but it's not worth it. Money often accompanies fame, but neither is that worth it. Fame, while appearing to open one's world to a vast array of new options, actually reshapes that world until it is no longer recognizable as the simplistic, beautiful thing it once was.

Although fame may come with numerous amenities, it has one drawback that truly makes a difference: lack of privacy. In becoming famous, a huge sacrifice must be made -- a sacrifice that can very quickly grow to include friends and family members. We live in a time where privacy is hard to come by. Society has degraded privacy to the point that even the tabloids don't seem to know where the line is drawn between public information and privacy.

Privacy is something that many people take for granted. However, when taken for granted, that privacy can be violated without warning, sometimes even permanently. I've learned this the hard way. In recent months, I've gotten a small taste of what a celebrity's life must be like, and I have learned that it is not how I had once dreamed. Those who become famous must inevitably give up nearly all privacy. Their lives go on display and become subject to public scrutiny, and that scrutiny soon extends to friends and family members.

I am far from being a celebrity, but my very small amount of fame has begun to affect my life. People watch and listen to me more closely now, and even my Web page has come under close scrutiny. Any thoughts, pictures or writing that I post on my site are now going to be seen by those who are watching me, rather than just by those who know me. I always wanted a larger audience, but now I realize that a small, select audience isn't such a bad thing. Previously, I could have published these thoughts about fame on my Web page, but now that is not possible. I don't want nosy strangers to know things about me and possibly try to use my own thoughts and musings against me. That is why I'm posting it here instead. Yes, strangers will read it, but they won't be strangers who read it only because it might give them more insight as to who I am. Perhaps people will read this for the content and the message, rather than the author.

Ellmyruh