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Love

I love you like Lucy loves Ricky
I love you like Ethel hates Fred
If love were toxic radiation poisoning
Then baby, we would both be dead

I love you like Galileo loved the stars
I love you like Streisand loves herself
For you are like a giant up-to-the-minute dictionary
And I am your bookshelf

We go together like coffee and cream
Like pickles and peanut butter pie
For you are like a giant love-filled contact lens
And I am like the eye

I love you like a walrus loves its tusks
I love you like a tailor loves a dress
For you are like the buttons on a TV remote control
That I do love to press

I love you like popcorn loves butter
I love you like grape juice loves the cup
For you are like the grain that the farmer strews about
And I am the sheep who gobbles you up

I love you like a hacker loves his keyboard
I love you like leather hates the rain
For you are like that weird gunk that the brain floats in inside the skull
And I am like the brain

I love you like a staple loves the paper
I love you like ice cream loves a cone
For your voice is like the lady you hear when the phone gets knocked off the hook
And I am like the phone

I love you like a vegetarian loves tofu
I love you like a sailor loves the sea
For you are like a brand-new high-tech DVD player
And I'm like the TV

I love you like Burton loved Taylor
I love you like Homer loves Marge
For you are like a giant festering pile of moldy garbage
And I am like the barge

I love you like a kid loves an Etch-A-Sketch
I love you like the moon loves the Earth
For you are a beautiful kitten who was just born
And I'm the afterbirth

I love you
Love love love
It rhymes with shove
And glove
And above
And dove
I shove you
I mean I glove you
I mean I'm above you
I mean I'm a dove, you
I mean I love you

Eric McGill

 


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