The Abduction
Hi, my name is Hank
and this story is quite true.
You may not believe me,
'cause folks seldom do.
I was sittin' on the steps
outside of my home trailer,
thinkin' 'bout how Mabel Jo
just left me for some sailor.
The sun was goin' down
over on the other side
of the Trailer Haven Park
and my single-wide.
Suddenly, out of nowhere
this ringing sound I hear,
and a really bright light
before me did appear.
My body was all numb;
I couldn't move a muscle.
I surely couldn't square dance,
or even do the Hustle.
I wanted to call out
for Jim Bob, Zeke, or Bubba,
but they were all inside
an' ma mouf wuz abso nubba.
Then things got all swirley.
Then they went to black.
I think something grabbed me.
I may have been attacked.
Everything was fuzzy,
I don't remember much,
just odd images of
strange faces, things, and such.
I was layin' on a table
facing up toward the ceiling.
Someone stood over me,
his face was not appealing.
His skin was gray and pasty.
His eyes were big and black.
He was pokin' me in the face,
I'd've liked to smack him back.
He was doin' something to me
I couldn't quite tell what.
If I could've moved from the table
I would have kicked his butt.
So, when I finally woke up
I was right back at my home.
Lying on the wet grass,
staring at a plastic gnome.
I rose up from the ground.
I wasn't really hurt.
I spat somethin' from my mouth;
I hope it was only dirt.
I tried to talk to Bubba,
and tell him what transpired.
He just smiled and giggled
as if I were a liar.
Then the door burst open.
Zeke leapt 'cross the threshold.
He had a pack of photos.
He'd got the one-hour special.
The three of them huddled
together nice and tight.
Laughing at their pictures,
they just ignored my plight.
"What about the aliens
that took me 'way last night?"
They all just looked at me,
and laughed with all their might.
"Aliens!?" laughed Jim Bob
"Have you lost your mind?
You just got real hammered
on Bubba's homemade shine."
"You got blitzed," Zeke began,
"There was nothing we could do...
'Cept drag your sorry butt inside,
and seriously mess with you."
"We laid you on your coffee table
'n' dressed you like a girl.
We's got the pictures all right here.
--Just wish your hair would curl."
"But I swear I saw an alien
with shiny big black eyes."
"Must've been my sunglasses,"
said Zeke, "I's in disguise."
So, I guess I won't be callin'
'The Enquirer' with my story.
There really weren't no aliens
so, for me there'd be no glory.
I learned two things this day
while dressed up like a chick.
Never trust your best friends,
and I look nice in lipstick.
Jeffrey Bennett
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