Yor, the Hunter From the Future is a movie so thoroughly wretched, so exasperatingly foul, that I have to suspect it was made by aliens in an effort to conquer the human race by pummeling its sanity with cinematic pain.

The movie wastes no time in sinking to its astonishing lows: it starts with the title. What an incredibly stupid title. What do you get when you name a character Yor? It elicits a snicker every time his name is spoken. "She's with Yor," one character says, and you want to say, "She's with my what?" The other problem I have with the title is that Yor is only a hunter by a stretch of the imagination, and he's not really from the future. But who can tell? This movie has so few explanations (read: none) for why things are the way they are that I have no clue what the screenwriter's intentions were.

Other unexplained phenomenons (and keep in mind each question I ask is conspicuously not answered or even asked in the movie) are as follows. Two guys are frozen in a glacier, but one woman isn't. So? How do two people suddenly get frozen in a glacier anyway? Who the heck are they? Yor suggests his company split up -- on two separate occasions. Why? For what purpose? I'll tell you. It's just a line thrown out once to help the plot and once for apparently no reason at all, as nothing comes of it.

The movie gets progressively obscure and obtuse as it goes, until finally, when everybody winds up in the evil badguy's hideout, the show grinds to a miserable, insufferably boring halt. The characters roam around the confusingly constructed hideout, say completely random things, do completely random things, until finally the movie decides to end (something it should have done long before it did). I have never seen a less interesting evil badguy. His name is apparently "Overlord," and his deadpan musings on, well, whatever it was he was rambling on about, induced such restlessness that my sofa will never be the same. His acts are the most random of the bunch. Sometimes he orders people to be captured, and sometimes he orders them to be let go. He's always talking about something dumb, though, and he's always walking around like he actually had somewhere to go.

The movie's attempt at social significance is beyond pathetic. A bald guy in white shows up out of absolutely nowhere, gives a brief (but not brief enough) lecture on how people as a race are bad. Moments later he challenges the badguy's efforts at world domination by proclaiming how people as a race are good. This character had no other scenes.

I could go on and discuss such details as the slow moving laser beams one could outrun, the drop down a fifty foot cliff that Yor survives, the tribal dances that consist of donning a spider web and spinning around, the desert sand that ignites like gasoline, and the humongous roaring dinosaurs that keep sneaking up on people. But you get the idea. There's scarcely the attempt at anything that makes a good movie, and frankly this is even pretty painful to watch as a bad movie. It's not so-bad-it's-funny, it's so-bad-it's-dumb. And if I ever have to see Yor's stupid little grin again, I am going to expire, spontaneously, on the spot.