Few stars have ever looked dumber than Vin Diesel does in XXX. This would-be Bond lookalike is so irrational and implausible, it boggles the mind. An early scene sets the stage: Diesel, playing sort of a daredevil for hire, is captured by the government and thrown, unwittingly, into an artificial environment to see how he performs. Since Diesel is Our Hero, he picks up on details that give the game away. These details are unconvincing, but even granting the movie that much, what he does from there has an odious ring of falseness to it. He isn't struck by his observations in a believable way. He talks more than makes sense and takes on an attitude that makes even less sense. Who are these characters, and what planet did they come from? Furthermore, since they are fundamentally unlikeable, why should we care?

The rest of the movie follows in a similar vein, with an increasing level of absurdly over the top stunts. There is no suspense, because the movie establishes early on that Diesel can effortlessly pull himself out of any danger. If his arms spontaneously turned into nuclear grenade launchers, and wings spouted from his back to carry him from danger just in the nick of time, it would scarcely be less plausible than what actually happens in the course of this movie.