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Fairy Tale Stew

The Rooster and the Egg

Once upon a time, there was a rooster, and the rooster woke up one morning and discovered that an egg was underneath him. He got up and said, "Roosters do not lay eggs," and then he paused and thought very hard, which is a difficult thing for roosters to do, and then he added, "At least, I have never heard of a rooster laying an egg before," and the rooster thought harder still, and then he said, "Yes, I'm quite sure that roosters do not lay eggs."

And the egg said, "Well, if you're sure, then I'm sure," and the rooster said, "Good. Then we are in agreement," and the egg said, "But the fact remains, I am here, and so someone must have laid me," and the rooster said, "Don't get smart with your elders, boy, it ain't respectful," and the egg said, "I did not mean to be disrespectful," and the rooster said, "I told you to cut it out," and the egg said, "Ok," but the rooster said, "You don't exist, and that's that."

The egg was silent for moment, but youth is petulant, and finally it could contain itself no longer, and indeed it quite abruptly ceased at doing just that, for the egg cracked, and a baby chick emerged and said, "I will not be denied!" and the rooster said, "Why, that was an awfully short incubation period," and the chick said, "Why, yes it was," and the cracked eggshell said, "Ow."

The rooster and the chick lived happily ever after, but they never did figure out how a rooster managed to lay an egg. Mrs. Pickawaddle the Chicken knew very well, however, for it was she who slipped the egg underneath the rooster when he was sleeping, which just goes to show that men are stupid, and women can outsmart men all to heck, and fool them too, should they please, and that's why this story is a progressive piece of feminist allegory, or at least it would be if it didn't portray women as uncaring and irresponsible parents, not to mention conniving, but to her credit Mrs. Pickawaddle did in fact put the eggshell back together with a bit of glue and set it on the mantel next to the portrait of dear old Gramma Chicken, and the eggshell spent the rest of its days in significantly less pain thanks to her humanitarian efforts, and the rooster was a drunk anyway.