This contest ran from 9/14/99 to 9/21/99.
The winner and first runner up are awarded a brand spanking new official
RinkWorks ball point pen each. The winner is also awarded, in
addition, a suction cup.
Come up with the craziest, looniest, and most creative phrase, sentence, quote,
or passage that the acronym R.I.N.K.W.O.R.K.S. might stand for. Entries will
be judged according to my strange, often unconventional, and seemingly
arbitrary sense of humor. Participants are also invited to come up with
what the shorter R.I.N.K. might stand for, should that task be easier and lend
itself more to comic possibilities -- but submissions for this shorter acronym
are not eligible for prizes.
It's a cliche to say so, but I mean it. This contest was extremely difficult
to judge. RinkWorks clearly has an audience with a great deal of
creativity and imagination. I look forward to running future contests that
challenge the creativity of its participants -- but I don't particularly look
forward to judging them.
The winners were chosen based on a number of subjective criteria. The most
important was if the entry made me laugh when I read it. Cleverness and/or
creativity counted very highly. Another criterion was that it
flow well, make sense, and not look too obvious that it was "forced" to fit the
acronym (unless there was a witty reason to break this rule). Relation to the
RinkWorks web site was counted favorably but was not an overriding
The winners are the result of pruning all that I could bear and then some.
I cannot bestow enough thanks upon the participants of this contest for making
my job difficult.
And the winning entries are:
- Winner: "Revolutionary Information Node Kings Wielding Obscure Reasoning Kinda
Subjectively." -- "Dracimas"
- Runner Up: "Riots Incited Near Kentucky When Overwrought Reader Kiboshes Sam." -- "Mousie"
Special recognition goes to:
- Finalist: (a RinkWorks haiku)
"Rock, Paper, Scissors."
"I Think": Life as it should be.
New? Gnu? Nous? Knew? Whew!
Kobolds take your gold.
Walden just takes a minute.
Ouch! Really Bad Joke!
Redneck spoken here.
Key goal: World Domination.
Sam must be so proud.
- Finalist: "Rhode Island Now Knows What Only Russia Knew Saturday." -- Trip P.
- Honorable Mention:
"Randomly Insulting, Never Knowledgeable, Worthless,
Often Revolting Kielbasa Sausage." -- Michael F.
- Honorable Mention:
"Really Intelligent, Nice, Kind, Wonderfully Omnipotent Readers Kill Sam."
-- Stephen K.
The remaining entries, alphabetized by author (first name or nickname),
- "Really Interesting Not Killer Wonders Of Ridiculous Kooky Stuff." -- "Bice"
- "Raining Indigo Nuts Knock Wookies Over Red Kaleidoscope Swings." -- "Bond"
- "Rescue Inky Naive Kittens With Olive Rice Kale Sacrifices." -- "Bond"
- "Rinky Inky Ninky Kinky Winky Outstanding Really Kool Site." -- "Cartman"
- "R.I.N.K. Is No more: Katoo I Will Overthrow RinkWorks, Kidnapping Sam."
- "Really Inky Nuns Kavort With Octopi 'Round Kirk's Starship."
- RinkWorks; oh thy words are wise.
I relish thy sly punch lines.
Nothing compares to that site of all sites,
Kind advice on humor to love.
Why you are here, I do not know,
Or were you always near? No--
Rather, by the grace of Sam
Kilobytes and modems create art.
Sam, you done good!
- [to the tune of "America the Beautiful"]
RinkWorkians shall all unite
Intoning gracious chants--
Nothing shall hurt
Kinship we feel
With RinkWorks and with Sam.
Oh, Ri-inkWorks, oh,
Kindnesses fall on thee!
So, lo-ong life and joyous times
For my Rinkworks and Me!
Ruinous times, these;
In days of such depravity,
Word to be heard, across the great expanse
Of that wretched medium, the WWW,
RinkWorks stands alone. Other sites offer overused humor and typos by the
Sam actually proofreads -- and his humor's his own.
Is a complex site;
Not only is there humor, but
Kaser FAQ, and
On several matters.
Kookaburra, go ahead--
Sit in that gum tree -- I'll be at the Rink!
RinkWorks, RinkWorks, what do you mean?
In the depth of the dictionary you're not to be seen.
Now, someday, Sam'll put you on the map --
Know then, we will,
Where Cyberspace is at.
Oh, in the meantime we'll occupy our thoughts with
RinkWorks details and questions for thought.
Knock on Sam's e-door, ask and he'll tell just what the deal is with
R for reality--
I see there is
Something great is afoot.
- "Realistically, I Never Knew Why Only Really Knowledgeable Souls Registered
In New, Kinder Ways Of Really Knowing Soulless, Really Intelligent
Netizens Kleverly Winding Obtuse Republicans Kompletely Senseless;
Righteously Invoking Never-Known Written Orations Radial Keratotomy Seldom
Registers, I Never Knelt Wearily, Only Ran Knightsbridge Sandwich
Restaurants In Newtown, Kingston, Washington, Oregon, Rockford, &
Kansas Sity." -- Dan L.
- "Really Incredible Nifty Kingly Wonderful Outstanding Remarkably Kewl Stuff." -- Daniel A.
- "Really Intelligent Non-Korporeal Web Organism (Randomly Kan't Spell)." -- "Darien"
- "Ravioli Intrinsically Nonplusses Kinky Wombats Offering Rubbermaid Kitchen Suction-cups." -- David L.
- Reply to
Well that I won't win.
Rely on multiple entries,
Kiss a frog, rub a blarney
Stone, and hope this one will be a winner?
-- David M.
- "Rug-wearer's Irritated Nostrils Kick With Other Rules, Kind Sir." -- "Dragon"
- "Rabid, Ingenious, Nefarious, Kafkaesque Website. Overtly Raucous, Kinda
Silly." -- Greg S.
- "Rightwing Individuals Not Knowing Who Ordered Rightwingers (to be) Killed Slowly." -- Jeffrey F.
- "Rabid Indiglo Nude Kashmir Wombats Only Rap Kinks Songs." -- Joe K.
- "Reinforced Intelligence Network Kicks With Original Remarkable Knowledge-Streams." -- Jommeke
- "Really Interesting New Kind of Wonderful and Ordinary sometimes Really
Kinky Stuff." -- Lynda K.
- "Really, Is No Knowledge Without Ominous Reason, Kinda-Sorta?" -- Magenta N.
- "RinkWorks, In Norse Kibology, Will Oppose Respectfully Kwaint Soda."
-- Magenta N.
- "Real Iguanas Never Know Where Our RinkWorks Kill Salmon." -- Magenta N.
- "RINK Is Not Kind, WORKS Often Really Know Stuff." -- Magenta N.
- "Rogue, Imp, Not Kobold - Will Orcs Really Kill Squirrels?" -- Magenta N.
- "Rubbing Ice Near Keloids Will Offend Ridiculously Kinky Sages!"
-- Matthew W.
- "Rhinos Invite Nerdy Koalas With Optical Restraints to Kneel to Santa."
-- Mary B.
- "Rhibosomes Invaded my Nucleus and Killed the Wild, Obnoxious, Respectable
Kindergardeners who Sneezed." -- Mary B.
- "RinkWorks Is Not Kind to Whales who Only Revere Killer Snails." -- Mary B.
- "Roc-In-Noc-Kin World Of Rink's Kinky Stuff." -- Monty B.
- "Rarely Insipid. Never Kitschy. Without Offering Regular Kinds of Sadism.
That's R.I.N.K.W.O.R.K.S." -- "Mousie"
- "Revel In New Knowledge Without Ordinary, Run-of-the-mill, Kitschy Schtick." -- "Mousie"
- "The coolest people on the web with a name that has no freaking acronyms." -- "Poppy"
- "Revel In Nonchantantly Knowing What Obscure Revelations Kooks Say."
- "Rabid Iguanas Never Kiss Wallabees Or Rambunctious Killer Sloths."
- "Regrettably, I never knew why Oppenheimer recognized Kruschev's shoe."
-- Snibor Eoj
Also, there are a few ineligible entries, either because they were not
expansions of R.I.N.K.W.O.R.K.S. or, as is the case of the first one, because
I was the author:
- "Really, Is Not Katoo Wreaking Odious Ruses and Kidnapping Sam?"
- "RinkWorks Inspires Numerous Katoos." -- Jommeke
- "SAM Am Me." -- Stephen K.
Lastly, the following acronyms were invented and/or submitted after the
contest deadline and subsequent judging:
RICHARD: I never knew worse -- oh, Redneckizer!
Kill Stoddard, recreant, in neverending kilobytic war! Odin's ravens keen, saying: "Rise, illiterate Netizens! Kill, warriors!"
OPHELIA: Rather kiss Sam; ruler in Net's kingdom where others rant -- kindly,
sophisticated! Rumour indeed? No; knowledge would only reinforce knowledge's surmise.
RICHARD: I'd not knowingly wrong our revered king: sweet, rare, illuminating;
noble, keen-witted -- our Rinkworks kinsman Sam.
- "Reality's Insane Nonsensical Kaleidoscope Where Odd Rambunctious
Kids Squabble." -- Byron
- "Realistically I Need Kudos. Wolfspirit Out Ranks Kudoless Subscribers."
- "Really -- Issachar never knew we once read the Kama Sutra." --
- "Really Intelligent Nerds Know Where Our Rigorous Kwizes are Situated."
-- Jane K.
- "Rarely Intelligent Nor Knowledgeble...With Ommision Regarding Knightly
Sam." -- Jimmy of York
- "Running Into Nerdy Kids While On Respected Kooky Sages."
- "Web Wackiness? Where?" -- Robert A.
- "Ridiculously Idiotic Nomads Keep Warthogs On Ranches (for) Kickboxing
Specials." -- "Silvercup"
- "Relentlessly Intrepid Newfangled Knowledge Working Overtime Revealing
Keen Silliness." -- "Wolfspirit"
Back to the RinkWorks Contests page.