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asterismW: FINALLY!
Crystal109: STORY STORY STORY.
* Crystal109 sits in a circle.
Danger On Paradise Island: Chapter 9
* Goosey applauds
Randy: STO-REE
* Crystal109 is apparently the only one. So she sits in a...dot.
* asterismW sits in a line with Crystal109
* Kalimeris sits in a TRIANGLE with aster and crys
* Maryam sits on Crys's and aster's shoulders to make a pyramid.
* 10Kan sits beneath everyone, making a triangular-faceted diamond.
Danger On Paradise Island: Chapter 9
: 
: LaZorra: Mexican Standoff!
: Put the gun down, Matt.: It's over, Hayley.: *tears* Why are you doing this??: You're the only one left.: I'm the last to die, am I?: Don't play dumb with me! I'm not stupid! You're the killer!Crystal109: Uh oh.
: It's a nice act, but who do you expect to fool with it?Crystal109: There's a THIRD person on the island.
Eric: Naked jungle fatty . . . didn't die!
iwpg:
LaZorra: Eric: Eeeeewwwww.
: Hayley, how could you do this? I trusted you!: You have the...nerve to say that to me??: For heaven's sake, Hayley, how could you have killed your own sister??: I didn't!: Then who did?? Because it sure as heck wasn't me.Crystal109: They're being set up!
: ...: ...* TalkingDog loops some tense Who Wants to be a Millionaire background music.
asterismW: Both of you just shoot each other in the arm. That'll make you feel better.
10Kan: Let's just put the guns down, you lovebirds.
Crystal109: Kiss and make up.
: ... Matt, this is some sort of a trick. Either you're tricking me, or...: Or what??LaZorra: Remember, guys, Julie probably had a contingency plan for her death.
: Or this was the plan all along. Don't you see? Two innocents left. One kills the other. The survivor goes to the chair for all the murders.Goosey: O.O
Crystal109: And then there were none.
: Who killed Ramona, then, if it wasn't you? You tell me. You tell me!Nyperold: I think Ramona did it.
LaZorra: She hung herself.
asterismW: I bet there's a suicide note.
10Kan: LaZorra: That's what I'm talkin' about!
: I don't know--: PUT YOUR GUN DOWN!: WE MISSED SOMETHING, I'm telling you! Think!Goosey: Is somebody still alive???
: What? What could we have possibly missed?: Maybe there's someone else on the isla--: We searched it thoroughly!: Then maybe it's something else!: What, then? WHAT?Eric: ALIENS
10Kan: Nazi Polar Bears?
: ...Crystal109: What a pretty place to die.
Maryam: LOL Crys.
: WHAT??: Maybe somebody's not really dead! One of the murders! Somebody faked it!asterismW: Someone FAKED it?
LaZorra: Oooh.
10Kan: Buck came back as a zom-boy?
: Oh, come on! You'll have to do better than that!: I CAN'T! But I know that we both die if we don't trust each other, and that's just what the killer, whoever he is, wants to happen.Crystal109: How did Tyler die again?
Kalimeris: TYLER WYLER
Maryam: Fell off a cliff. Missing large chunks of his head.
Crystal109: Ah.
LaZorra: Maryam: LOL. That sounds like an official coroner's report.
LaZorra: "Victim died of large missing chunks in the head."
: We have to trust each other! Please. Please! It's the only way we'll get out of this alive.: I can't do that, Hayley. How can I?Crystal109: I'm trying to think of anyone else who could have survived.
Crystal109: Jay!
Eric: Jay!
Eric: Crystal: Jinx!
10Kan: Crystal: Jay pulled a Juliet on them!
Crystal109: Eric: I said it first!
TalkingDog: He who conquers death, yes?
Crystal109: He's the ONLY ONE who died of natural causes!
asterismW: JAY'S NOT EVIL
asterismW: Sam, I will SO HURT YOU if Jay is evil.
NessaChan: Jay can't be evil
Crystal109: Jay. =(
: Ok! ... Ok. ... Ok, look, I'll go first. I'll trust you. I'll lay my own gun down.LaZorra: DON'T DOOOO IIIIIIIIIITT
: Look. I'm laying my gun down. All right? Why would I do that if I were the killer? *lays the gun down* Why would I do that?* 10Kan is holding his breath.
: ...: ...NessaChan: I still think Ramona killed herself..
10Kan: Nessa: But she was screaming bloody murder.
NessaChan: I thought the screaming was Hayley
: Step away from the gun.: Ok. *backs away* Look. I'm backing away. I trust you.asterismW: Hayley has a lot more trust than I would...
: Now it's your turn, Matt. You trust me. Lay your gun down. We'll find the killer together, and we'll go home. Ok?10Kan: We're just one big, happy, gun-totin' family here.
Crystal109: They'll never recover from the mistrust afterwards though. If they really do get out.
: Kalimeris: BLAM
: : Haha....Crystal109: Oh NO!
: HahaHAHAHAhahaa. Ohhhh, Hayley! Tsk, tsk, tsk.TalkingDog: eep
Kysle: ...
: I'm afraid you have just made a very...: ...very...: ...big mistake.Maryam: Erp.
asterismW: Ooohh..
Goosey: aaaaahhhhh!
NessaChan: :O
10Kan:
Kysle: That's just mean.
LaZorra: Stupid girls, trusting boys.
Crystal109: Next bot?
: ...?? *tear*: How anticlimactic. This is hardly even sporting anymore! You make this too easy!Crystal109:
LaZorra: YOU WERE RIGHT WHEN YOU REFUSED TO MARRY HIM
: I told you before, Hayley -- you're too trusting.Maryam: Gasp!
asterismW: !!!
iwpg:
TalkingDog: !
Crystal109: OH MY GOSH.
LaZorra: !!!
Goosey: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Randy: KNEW IT
: Darling...you're just in time. *kisssssss*: Mmmmm...*kissssss*Maryam: Noooo!
Eric: Goodness!
LaZorra: Eeeewwwww.
10Kan: AIEE!
Crystal109: Ewwwwwwwww.
Maryam: SHOOT THEM NOW
: *tears* Why? Why...??NessaChan: :O nooo I don't want Matt to be evil either
Crystal109: Pick up the gun!
LaZorra: Dude, he so cannot focus the gun on you while he's making out with game chick.
Crystal109: LaZ: LOL
10Kan: She can't get the gun, Matt's got her dead to rights.
Kalimeris: She hid a gun in her freckles.
: Don't take it personally! It's just a game!asterismW: Poor Hayley!
: Two years? Two years were just a game to you?: And a very pleasant two years they were, I assure you. But what's two years in the game of life? Just a drop in the bucket!asterismW: Ouch.
Crystal109: Fun board game, too.
iwpg: LOL
: *an array of suppressed emotions impossible to describe*: *smirk*Nyperold: Man, it's getting to where a guy can't even trust Xs in the eyes anymore.
LaZorra: LOL
NessaChan: heh heh
: So that's how you knew Mr. Spilk would be coming.: Of course. That's how I found Ramona and Katie for the Piper Downs job in the first place.10Kan: Our only hope now is a certain deceased 100-year-old Nepalese man.
NessaChan: We need a Jay-us Ex Machina
Crystal109: Nessa: LOL
asterismW: Nessa: LOL
: And why us?: Had to be somebody, didn't it? I saw Ramona in the street one day and thought she looked like a perfectly ridiculous individual -- and therefore perfect for my gang of misfits. So I asked my dear...dear friend Matt here to learn about her. You, of course, were the perfect excuse for him to stay close to her.Crystal109: Someone had better survive.
10Kan: And that someone had better not be evil!
Crystal109: And it better not be the bad guys.
: When he met Katie, we knew we had not one but two perfect candidates for the gang. You, of course, just wouldn't do. You're too smart. But you made a wonderful opponent here on the island.: A faked death.... A gun loaded with blanks.... Blood packets under your shirt...?Eric: Ketchup, actually.
Nyperold: And electrical tape.
10Kan: Nyp: LOL
: Mm-hmm.LaZorra: Julie: Man, the A-Team did that. That's an old, old trick.
: *head down, in resignation*Crystal109: Stop giving up!
: It was a great idea. I'll give you that.: *a nod of thanks*: It threw us all off our guard, right when we were getting too careful.: Thank you so very much, Hayley, for a lovely game.Crystal109: -GASP-
Randy: Someone else is alive
10Kan: GAME OVER, MAN!
: Shoot her, Matt.Goosey: eep
Crystal109: His gun has blanks!
Crystal109: Didn't he shoot Julie with it earlier?
Sam: Crys: He was tinkering with it before Hayley showed up.
Crystal109: Oh. Darn.
: *grin*: *streaming tears*: ...: Well, come on! SHOOT HER!NessaChan: no shooting Hayley
NessaChan: Freckles doesn't deserve to die
: ...LaZorra: A HAH AH HA
asterismW: HE CAN'T DO IT
Goosey: cry more, Hayley! It's working!
: : Aw, why can't we just let her fry for murder?Crystal109: LOVE PREVAILS.
LaZorra: THOSE TWO YEARS ARE HAUNTING YOU NOW, AREN'T THEY???
: You can kill a couple of armed guards, but a girl is too much for you? Idiot. Give me that. *snatch*
: Time to die, Hayley.: BANG!: BANG!: BANG!Goosey: o.O
Kalimeris: GASP
LaZorra: Aw, damn.
Goosey: so the bad guys win?
Maryam: Nice gun Photoshop there.
Crystal109: Wow, I love the gun photoshopping on Julie.
10Kan: That is one enormous pistola.
Eric: She shot HIM
Sam: "Time to die, Hayley," and she shoots him?
NessaChan: ....
Eric: Or . . . herself.
LaZorra: She killed them both and then herself.
Crystal109: She shot up in the air as a warning shot.
conty: She killed Matt
conty: she had an alliance with Hayley way back
Sam: Man, you folks come up with crazier conspiracies than *I* do.
Eric: I always try to think, "What would Silk Stalkings do?"
NessaChan: a fat man fell out of the sky and landed on her
LaZorra: LOL, nessa!
Maryam: And made BANG! sounds?
LaZorra: Maryam: Hey, all that lard hitting the ground from a great height might make quite a bang.
Crystal109: Three times??
iwpg: Crys: he bounces.
Maryam: I think it'd be more of a.. splat.
iwpg: LOL
Randy: LOL
Kalimeris: Cody's lying powers ressurect him and make him SUPERCODY
Kalimeris: And he flies in and zaps Julie with lazervision
Crystal109: CODY MUST COME BACK.
LaZorra: heheh
NessaChan: maybe it's the stereo system banging again
asterismW: SUPERCODY!
10Kan: And Mr. Small is effectively bulletproof.
Crystal109: All that fat is very protective.
Sam: For those of you that think Mr. Small is still alive, here is a hint. He couldn't have slipped out of the helicopter before it blew up and REMAINED UNSEEN. Some things are just TOO far fetched.
Maryam: People survive explosions all the time. Duh.
LaZorra: HE COULD HAVE USED A PARACHUTE
LaZorra: EXCEPT THAT HE'S TOO FAT
asterismW: A parachute wouldn't have slowed him down.
NessaChan: maybe he remained in orbit like a small moon
Crystal109: But he burned in a fiery hell, remember?
NessaChan: if he landed in the sea there would be a tsunami
10Kan: They just mistook him for the carcass of a beached whale all this time!
Sam: 10K: Possibly they mistook him for the beach.
iwpg: LOL
Crystal109: Ew. They've been walking ON him all this time?
Crystal109: Ew ew ew ew ew.
Sam: Crys: They do say the sand on Paradise Island is especially springy.
LaZorra: eweeeeeeeeeeeewewewewwwwweweweweweweeeeewwwwwww
10Kan: They should've gotten the hint when the waves on the sea were mirrored by ripples of flab.
Crystal109: 10K: Ewwwww. Awful imagery.
* Crystal109 feels sick now.
10Kan: Sorry.
Sam: 10K: You rule.
Maryam: WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MR. SMALL
NessaChan: Well, I feel we still don't know much about Mr. Small
Maryam: Nessa: That is ok!
iwpg: YES LET'S HAVE LOTS OF EXPOSITION ABOUT HIS LIFE
.
.
.
: WHAT?
: Wh--??: *tear*: You were supposed to swap the blanks out for real bullets!LaZorra: YES!
Crystal109: I WAS RIGHT!
asterismW: Yay Crys!
: I did! I did!: THEN WHY-- BANG! : --ISN'T SHE-- BANG! : --DYING? BANG! : *click* : *click* : *click* 10Kan: She's invincible!
LaZorra: HAYLEY IS BULLETPROOF
: ???10Kan: Now, behold the power of freckles!
: As I said. Faking a death was a good idea.: We thought of it, too.asterismW: We?
Crystal109: We? O_o
: Reach for the stars, lovebirds.iwpg: !!!
NessaChan: :O!
asterismW: Hahahaha
Maryam: Ooooh.
Randy: Knew it also!
Crystal109: I KNEW IT!
Goosey: I knew it!!! I knew it!!!!
Nyperold: Huzzah!
* TalkingDog's brain asplode.
: WHAT??: !LaZorra: YES YES YES YES
Eric: :)
LaZorra: SHE *DID* HANG HERSELF
NessaChan: Go Ramona
: Matt, I thought you killed her!: I thought you killed her!iwpg: LOL
Crystal109: LOL
: No, you IDIOT. You were supposed to kill her!Crystal109: Trouble in Paradise.
10Kan: LOL, it's like a lover's spat but about murder.
: Yeah, but I thought--: It's your lucky day! I'm handing out free brain piercings to anybody that says ONE MORE WORD.: Go on...claim your prize!Maryam: GO RAMONA
Crystal109: Yeahhhhhh.
LaZorra: PIERCED BRAINS
* Crystal109 would like a pierced brain!
Maryam: Crys: ... ow.
Crystal109: (Not really.)
Randy: Pierced brains are ok and all. I'd rather have a heart tattoo. On my heart!
: *seething*: *resignation*: *tear*(Moments later...)
: *downcast*
: *furious* This isn't over. I'm going to take my TIME killing you! You're gonna SCREAM FOR MERC--: PUNCH!asterismW: YEAH!
Goosey: whoo!
Crystal109: GO HAYLEY.
asterismW: Nice rope!
Crystal109: Yeah, nice rope, Sam!
: --I'll kill your family! I'll ki--
: How'd you like some more FIBER in your diet?
: Mmfffmmrrmff! Mffmfrrfmmm! Rrmfmffrmfmrff!LaZorra: YES YES YES YES HAHAHAHAHAH
Kalimeris: badum chsshhhh
Goosey: haha
10Kan: Muhuhahaha!
Crystal109: LOL LOL
* LaZorra is loving this.
Crystal109: So many great insults out of this one.
NessaChan: haha, I hope this poor girl never finds these pictures
Crystal109: I know, right?
Maryam: LOL Nessa
10Kan: Game's over Julie. Time to put the pieces back into the box.
10Kan: By which I mean solitary at a max security prison!
* Kysle imagines that Sam enjoyed very much coming up with these corny one-liners.
Sam: Kysle: Oh yeah.
: Ramona, can I have a moment with Matt?: Sure, Hayley. I'll be right upstairs if you need me.Crystal109: She's totally going to make out with him now.
asterismW: He's not worthy, Hayley!
10Kan: That's the problem with being a crazy megalomaniac. Without robot legions or armies of the undead, you have to get people like Buck and Matt to hench for you.
: : *tear*: How did you know?: I didn't.: If you had laid that gun down and let us go home, I'd never have known. I'd have believed anything you'd have told me. I wanted to. I loved you.: And I'd have spent the rest of my life trying to make up for putting your trust to the test.: *downcast*: So what made you suspicious, then?: A number of things. None of them conclusive. How did you know the owner of the island was a fat man? Maybe you saw him through the helicopter window before it exploded. But I didn't.Goosey: Matt, you dope
: When Camille was killed, how did you hear the shots from the beach? When Ramona killed Buck, nobody at the house heard them. Were you just out of sight, waiting for your cue to show up and bust the door down?Maryam: Nice job working that into the story, Sam.
Sam: Maryam: I so lucked out. That was NOT a planned clue.
: Most of all, why didn't you seem to know more about this island before we came? You had us expecting a secluded but public vacation spot, not an isolated private island that Ramona and I certainly would have thought twice about coming to. But you researched this place ahead of time, and the information you dug up was hardly up to your usual standards of detective work.NessaChan: plus he wears his trench coat on the beach
: None of that ever hit me, though, until you pulled the trigger on Julie. In that moment, I realized you weren't who I thought you were, and in the hours that followed, one thing after another came to mind that just didn't add up.: Still. You could have explained away all these things somehow, and I'd have believed you.: So you put me to a test.: Yes.: I tossed your gun into the woods, where Ramona replaced the real bullets with blanks from the stash in the secret passage. Then we faked her death, and I made sure the gun you went for was the right one.Crystal109: Hayley's so tricky. Man, she's intelligent
: *sniff* What I don't understand is why.: We had a great life together, didn't we?LaZorra: Poor Hayley.
: Why did you throw it all away?Crystal109: Awwwww.
LaZorra: Guys are trouble, girl, nothing but trouble.
: Yeah. It was a great life. Maybe that's why I couldn't pull the trigger.: But I had a life long before I ever met you, Hayley.: My real life.Kysle: Ouch.
: For all the laughs we had, ultimately....: Well. You were just another job.Randy: Ouch
asterismW: Ouch.
conty: Ouch
Goosey: OUCHIE
Crystal109:
LaZorra: Dude, I'm about to slap you myself.
Crystal109: I want to punch him in the face.
10Kan: It's criminal the way that man squanders the treasures of smart, hot, nice and FRECKLES.
: *tear*: AAGH! *wipes her eyes* I'm so angry with myself that you can make me cry!: Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me? Do you even care?asterismW: Slap him!
Eric: Shoot him!
: : You know what the kicker for all of this is? The big, bitter kick in the gut?: She was cleaning house. Starting her life over.: She'd have killed you too.: And you still chose her.: *unsettled*: *leaves*LaZorra: NICE
LaZorra: Good job, Hayley.
Kalimeris: But, can't they wriggle free
NessaChan: I assume Hayley knows how to tie a knot
Eric: SET THE HOTEL ON FIRE
Eric: With them in it!
asterismW: GO BACK AND SLAP HIM
: *scowl*LaZorra: I don't think it's actually possible to scowl with a gag in your mouth.
10Kan: You can scowl with just your eyes.
: *sigh*Goosey: oh man
: ...: 
Randy: AHA
conty: NOOOOOO
Crystal109: She didn't SEARCH THEM?
NessaChan: But Hayley doesn't know how to frisk people apparently
Maryam: Ooh, I want that knife.
asterismW: NICE KNIFE!
Eric: Sweet knife.
10Kan: Nazi Polar Bear Commando Knife!
: *snip*iwpg: NOOOOOOO
: Goosey: oh no!
: Julie! You escaped! Ha! Set me free -- we'll win this yet!asterismW: He's so dead.
conty: She'll kill him
LaZorra: SHE'S GOING TO KILL YOU YOU IDIOT
Crystal109: Because you didn't KILL HAYLEY.
: Not we, Matt.Crystal109: Uh-oh.
: *slice*
: Hhhhhhhhhuuuuu...*gasp*LaZorra: *shudder*
TalkingDog: Ow.
Goosey: O_O
conty: cool blood
Kalimeris: Sweeeeeeeneyyyy
: (whispering into his ear) She was wrong, you know. I was never going to kill you.: Hhhhhuuungh...Kysle: Nice throat cut blood, Sam.
: Not until you couldn't pull that trigger.: Hhhhh--: Then I knew you were no longer mine.: ...: You should have pulled that trigger, Matt.
: Kalimeris: Never date a murderous psychopath.
Randy: Kali: One of my hard, fast rules.
LaZorra: There's something so much more horrifying about killing someone with a knife than with a gun.
Crystal109: LaZ: Yes, there is. It's much closer.
LaZorra: And the whole thought of actually feeling the knife slice through someone...ugh.
Crystal109: LaZ: I don't want to think about it.
Crystal109: Sam, that is an AWESOME photoshopping of Julie with the knife.
Nyperold: Aw man, he's getting blood on that horizontal wall.
conty: I just realised you can enlarge the images by clicking on them
conty: WOW
iwpg: He fell over even though he was tied up?
Eric: He was only tied to himself.
Sam: iwpg: Hey, Buck STOOD UP when HE died.
iwpg: Heh, true.
NessaChan: lol
conty: lol
.
.
.
: *tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*
: ...?Goosey: where did they go, Julie?
: *tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*NessaChan: grrr fall in a hole
: ...?10Kan: Too late, they're already swimming for the mainland.
: *tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*
: *tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*: Curses. They moved the guns.Goosey: ha ha
: *tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*Crystal109: She's pretty though.
: *tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*Crystal109: All the pretty ones are dangerous.
: *tiptoe*tiptoe*tiptoe*Kysle: Tired toes.
(Meanwhile...)
: *cry*: *hug*: *cry* I'm getting your shoulder all wet.10Kan: Aww.
LaZorra: Aww.
: It's ok. *hug* I never liked that shoulder much anyway.: *laugh*cry*TalkingDog: Hehe.
: I'm sorry. I need to stop crying. I hate crying. I feel so stupid and helpless and...weak.: Hey now. What are you, a guy? Crying is a good thing. Let it out. For heaven's sake, you deserve to have a good cry.: *sniff*: You've been strong for the both of us, all our lives. Let me take a turn, huh?Crystal109: Awwww.
: All right. I'll let myself cry. For now. But I meant what I said before. What happened on this island stays on this island. Once we're out of here, Matt is out of my life for good. I won't let him hurt me any longer than that. I won't shed another tear.: Hear hear to that! There, now, you see? Even when you're weak, you're strong.: *hug*: *hug*: Thanks.: I think I'd like to be alone for a while.iwpg: NOOOOOOOOO
asterismW: NOOOOOOOOO
Crystal109: NO DON'T DO IT.
: Sure.NessaChan: What?!
NessaChan: NO
LaZorra: GOOD GRIEF DON'T LEAVE HER ALONE YOU DORKWAD
Goosey: deathmatch chick fight on the cliff? That should be good, lol
: I'll go scrounge up some dinner for us. Any requests? I recommend one of the few items without tentacles in it.: *smile* No, thanks. I don't think I could hold anything down.: I'll be back a while later, then.Goosey: no! Don't separate!
: : 
: (hiding)iwpg: LOL
asterismW: NICE
Crystal109: LOL
Randy: LOL
LaZorra: Nice!!
Crystal109: Sam I am in awe of your Photoshop skills.
SirDude: Now that's some nice camo work.
Myrth: Commando-trained archeologist, isn't she?
: : : : (listening)10Kan: Crouching Gamer, Spiky Hair.
Sam: LOL LOL
Randy: 10K: NICE
NessaChan: lol
: : : : *staring out to sea*Crystal109: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
asterismW: TURN AROUND
Crystal109: GET OUT GET OUT OF THERE.
Crystal109: SHE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
: NessaChan: Fall on your knife Julie
10Kan: Why haven't they learned about the cliffs by now?
: * LaZorra can't watch. >_<
: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!: Aaaah!10Kan: EEE
: *swing*
: *dodge*LaZorra: KNIFE FIGHT
: *kick** NessaChan covers eyes
: *recoil*Maryam: LOL LOL
asterismW: LOL
Goosey: LOL
: *punch*LaZorra: "Biff" LOL
iwpg: LOL
Crystal109: LOL onomotapeia!
: Oof!Crystal109: CRUNCH.
Randy: Dude, its 1960's Batman!
Goosey: holy chickfight Batman!
* 10Kan hums the theme.
LaZorra: Randy: LOL LOL YES
: *slash*LaZorra: Sam, you had way too much fun with that.
10Kan: Thank goodness she felt compelled to yell before attacking.
: *PUNCH!*: Aagh!: *slip* Whoa--LaZorra: !!!
: Grab my hand!iwpg: NO STUPID
Crystal109: !!!!!!!!
: Aaahh! Don't let go!iwpg: LET GO
Randy: Drop her like 6th period French class.
* Crystal109 realized how bloodthirsty she is.
LaZorra: Crys: It's OK, me too.
: *strain*10Kan: Hayleeeeeey!
asterismW: She's still going to kill you!
: Don't let go, don't let go! I'll pay you! Fifty million dollars! It's yours! Just don't let go!: *pant* Shut your stupid mouth, tramp. *wheeze* Does it look like I'm letting go of you?: Pull me up! Pull me up! I promise I won't try to hurt you again!NessaChan: ....
: *strain* Don't make me laugh. *pant* I'm liable to lose my grip.: Pull me up! Pull me up!: *strain*: *pull*: *heave*: Ahhh.: *pant*: *lies down*NessaChan: >_<
: (PUNCH! POUNCE!)10Kan: That one's for Tyler Wyler!
: Oof. *pinned to the ground*Crystal109: YEAH HAYLEY.
Goosey: YAY!
: You move a muscle, and I'll chuck you right back over the edge.: *still*asterismW: GET THE KNIFE
: Where'd that knife go? *presses her forearm into Julie's neck*: I...dropped it.Crystal109: DID NOT.
LaZorra: SHE DID NOT
: *PUNCH*: You're lying. Where is it?Crystal109: Body search!
LaZorra: Body CAVITY search.
: Right...: ...HERE! *slash*: *sprawls backward*: Uhhhh... *slips down the slope*iwpg:
asterismW: I TOLD YOU!
LaZorra: DAMMIT
: *scrambles for purchase*: *stands up*: *claws at the ground for a solid hold*Goosey: oh no!
: *dusts herself off*: *kneels beside Hayley's grappling fingers*: Well, well, well.: *panic* ... *slip* ...: This looks like a great opportunity to play a game.: *slips further* ... (gravel cascades down the cliff side): Let's see how many fingers I can cut off before you lose your grip!asterismW: !!!
Crystal109: OH MY GOSH.
* NessaChan covers eyes again
: *strain* ... *hyperventilate* ...Crystal109: I WANT TO YELL OBSCENITIES RIGHT NOW.
: I think the optimal strategy will be to start with your pinkies....: *helpless panic*: *lowers the knife*LaZorra: TAKE YOUR CHANCES WITH THE CLIFF
NessaChan: spit in her eye
: Hey, Julie!: Wha--?: PUNCH!asterismW: YES!
10Kan: SOCKO!
Randy: WOOT
Maryam: Wahoo!
: ...LaZorra: LOL LOL LOL
asterismW: LOL the eyes!
Goosey: WHOOHOO!!
: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
: *splatter*Goosey: ew
asterismW: LOLOLOL
Maryam: LOL
LaZorra: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Crystal109: LOL IT'S A JIGSAW PUZZLE.
Randy: LOL! BEST ONE EVER
NessaChan: hah
iwpg: IT'S OVER
10Kan: Oh man. She's not quite as sturdy as Mr. Wyler.
10Kan: You could say that trip down the cliff 'expanded her mind'.
Crystal109: Her eyes don't have X's though. =P
10Kan: Crystal: ROTFL
Maryam: Very nice falling scream there.
: Hold on, Hayley. I got you.: *strain*: *heave*: *wheeze*: *huff*: *crawls away from the cliff*Maryam: What happened to "take my hair"?
LaZorra: LOL
Crystal109: LOL
Sam: Maryam: A more serious moment.
LaZorra: She had a massive headache after that.
NessaChan: Take my hair... please!
asterismW: Man, that's two people Ramona's saved from the cliff.
: Just a guess, but...*catches her breath*...: *pant*: ...I don't think that chick was right in the head.Crystal109: Got that right.
: *catches her breath*: Matt's dead.Crystal109: =(
: *still breathing heavily*: : I'm gonna take a nap.: LaZorra: She's in shock.
: Right here.Crystal109: Awwww.
: : Kalimeris: She sleeeeeping
LaZorra: Make her lie down and elevate her feet.
End of Chapter 9
asterismW: It ends on a NAP?
Maryam: Wait, that's the end? That's it?
LaZorra: ...
Randy: End of story?
Sam: Not the end of the story.
Randy: Nyet!
Crystal109: It says end of Chapter 9.
asterismW: Phew.
Maryam: Oh, phew.
LaZorra: No, there's an epilogue.
Randy: EPILOGUE!
NessaChan: it would say the end if it were the end
SirDude: I was gonna say, can anyone say "anticlimactic ending"?
NessaChan: and then they woke up and found it was all a dream
Crystal109: Nessa: Or that they really were in a game. And everyone else really stayed alive.
Sam: LaZ: By the way, yes, I had a tremendous amount of fun with the Batman fight.
LaZorra: Sam: I could tell!
LaZorra: "Biff" is a great sound effect, too.
Sam: hehehe
LaZorra: My favorite sound effect ever is actually from Spiderman, though.
LaZorra: He falls on his hiney and the effect is "BUTT!"
Maryam: LOL
Sam: LaZ: LOL
.
.
.
Danger On Paradise Island: Chapter 10
Goosey: YAY MORE!!!
* NessaChan gets popcorn
Myrth: I still think it was Tyler all along.
: *sigh*asterismW: WHOA
LaZorra: O.o
Goosey: Another tuxedo boy!
Crystal109: YAY!
Kalimeris: I forgot about him
Randy: Who the heywire is that?
10Kan: He was one of the close finalists.
asterismW: HE BETTER NOT BE 18.
: *knock*knock*knock*Maryam: He really looks like a vampire.
: *opens the door*Crystal109: Hayley's NEW BOYFRIEND.
: Police uniforms look more and more dashing all the time.LaZorra: LOL
: *sheepish smile* It's my brother. Getting married tonight. Do you mind if I come in?10Kan: He's wearing his brother?
iwpg: LOL
LaZorra: 10K: LOL LOL LOL
Crystal109: 10K: LOL LOL
: Certainly, officer. *smile*: Aww, don't call me that. It's weird. We've known each other since we were kids.Crystal109: Awwww. They're so getting together!
asterismW: Miles is SO much hotter too.
Crystal109: I way prefer Miles.
Crystal109: Hayley: I APPROVE.
10Kan: asterism: And he's probably not a crazy killer!
Crystal109: Hehe.
: Heheh. All right, Miles. Care for some tea? I was just fixing myself a cup.: No, thank you. I can't stay long.NessaChan: Hayley has a nice house
Crystal109: I was just about to say that!
10Kan: Strange design choices, but very nice.
: Listen, um....: Yes?: I'm real sorry about Matt. I knew he wasn't completely above board, but I just never dreamed he'd do a thing like what he did to you.: Miles, it's my own fault. You tried to warn me, and I just didn't listen.: Yeah, but, if I knew he was that screwed up, I'd have tried harder. And for heaven's sake, he was my partner for years. We joined the force together. I ought to have known him better than I apparently did.: Yes, and I was his girlfriend, and I should have known better, too. But you didn't come down here to share regrets with me.: No. *sigh* No, I didn't.Crystal109: "I wanted to ask you out."
: The investigation is still underway, but it looks like it's wrapping up. They recovered most of the Piper Downs money when they searched Julie's house. Her skin cells were found under Tyler's fingernails, and her hands fit the bruises on Genevieve's head.NessaChan: how could they find her hands?!
asterismW: Nessa: LOL
Crystal109: Nessa: That's an awful imagery! All that blood!
10Kan: I'm trying to think of how the morgue guys figured all that out, but it's just too gross.
: We traced the knife to an online purchase Julie made six months ago, and it's consistent with the incision on Matt's neck.: *sigh* But Hayley...Ramona's in a lot of trouble.: What's wrong? They're not going to throw the book at her for Piper Downs, are they? She didn't even know what they hired her for!: No, no, it's not that. The D.A.'s office believes her story, especially since her bank account shows she was scarcely paid anything for it. She'll get a few months in prison for form's sake, but that's it.LaZorra: Oooh, they found out about Buck.
: So what's wrong?: It's one of the Paradise Island bodies. The cowboy, Buck Cassidy. We found boot marks on the body. The state of the bruises indicate that he sustained them within minutes of his death. Somebody kicked him -- right before he was killed.LaZorra: CASSIDY
Crystal109: BUCK CASSIDY.
NessaChan: lol
Randy: Related to Butch?
: The boot marks are consistent with the footwear Ramona was wearing on the island. And nobody else's. We checked.Goosey: oops
: ...: That puts her on the beach when he died.Crystal109: Uh-oh.
10Kan: Darn competent police investigators.
: Hayley, I believe you. But I don't have to tell you how this looks. If she lied about that night, it calls into question every statement you and Ramona ever made about Buck's involvement in the conspiracy. There's no other evidence that says he had anything to do with any illegal activity. It's just your word about what Julie said about him before she died.: ...*downcast*: We're going to have to arrest her. I...I figured you should hear it from me first.: Thank you.: I'm really sorry.: Yeah. Me too.Goosey: aw man
LaZorra: *sigh*
Crystal109: And the good news is...?
Kalimeris: He just saved a ton of money on car insurance.
Randy: LOL
Crystal109: Kali: LOL
asterismW: Probably a bad time for him to ask her out, then.
: I guess I'd better be going.: No. Stay a moment. I have a story to tell you.10Kan: She's pulling a Scheherazade for her sister's life!
: ...?: I'm the one that killed Buck.Goosey: eep
Crystal109: !!!
LaZorra: WHAT
: ... Aw, Hayley. Aw, no, come on.Crystal109: Aww her sisterly love and protection.
LaZorra: DON'T DO THIS
asterismW: HAYLEY :(
Myrth: You see... *I* am Big Red!
: You've been protecting that girl ever since she could walk, and that's great, but this is going too far.: It's true. Ramona kicked him awake, but I pulled the trigger.Crystal109: NOOOOOOOOO.
NessaChan: dun lie
LaZorra: SHE'LL LOOK GOOD IN PRISON STRIPES
LaZorra: IT WILL GO WITH HER HAIR
Crystal109: LaZ: LOL LOL LOL
NessaChan: that hair would be considered a weapon in jail
: *sigh* I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but come on. Nobody's going to believe you.: Look, I know your mother played favorites. I know how you've spent your entire life trying to even the scales. You feel guilty for every good thing that happens to you, and every bad thing that happens to her. But you can't take the fall for her this time. This is murder.: If you won't listen to my story, I'll find a cop who will.asterismW: Hayley, you idiot.
Crystal109: No Hayley, don't do it. =(
: *sigh*NessaChan: sigh
: All right. Let's hear it.(blurry flashback transition)
* 10Kan jangles the windchimes mournfully.
Maryam: Hey, maybe she really did.
Crystal109: Yeah, maybe.
LaZorra: No, remember Hayley telling Ramona to keep her mouth shut?
Crystal109: Both sisters are trying to protect each other. It's really sad.
: Hayley?: What?: Still awake, huh?: Yes. Still awake.: Hayley...I'm sorry.: Sorry? For what?: *sigh*: This.
: *CONK!*
: Oof! *unconscious*10Kan: She's sorry she forgot to wind the clock.
Sam: 10K: LOL
: : ...ohhhhhh...*wince*: *wipes the blood from her head* Owowowow.Crystal109: That's a really hard blow.
: Ramona...?: Ra-- Oh no. Bedsheets out the window? Ramona, I have the scary feeling I know what you're up to.: *climbs out the window*
: 
: (in the distance) Ahh-hawhawhawhawhawhaw! Well, looks like the spiked wonder has a brain after all!: (in the distance) Ok, li'l missy! YEAH! I'm he'ping somebody out! Somebody who's gonna kill every last one of you riffraff!: (in the distance) First, I make like I'm a doctor and make everybody think the first death is an accident to buy time. After three dead, though, ain't nobody gonna believe they's all accidents, so I he'p out other ways.: (in the distance) Like killing Camille yourself?: (in the distance) Aw, no, but I helped! I helped!
: *listening* Yeah. I'll bet you did. Now you're going to help me. We're going to march right back up to the hotel, get everybody out of bed, and you're going to tell them what you told me.asterismW: Ha, I like how the text is getting larger.
Crystal109: Totally cool effect, yeah.
: *listening* Ahh-hawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhaw! Ohhhhhh, that's a good one. Tell me, li'l missy, why would I do a thing like that?
: You ain't gonna shoot nobody. Fer one, you ain't got the guts. Fer two, if you shoot me, everybody'll think you been killin' everybody. They'll stick you like a pig faster'n you kin say dawgone.: : No, you ain't gonna shoot nobody. I'll tell you what'll happen instead, li'l missy. You gonna go back to yer comfy old bed and go back to sleep. Meanwhile, I'll go talk to my pardner, 'bout how you's so smart.: You'll be next, see! Ain't no good lettin' a smartypants like you run around.Goosey: I love how he found hay to lie on at the beach
: : You know what? I think I'm gonna ask my pardner if I kin kill you myself.LaZorra: Awww, Buck. Why did you have to be evil? :-(
10Kan: And stupid. Why'd he have to be stupid?
10Kan: You don't back people into a corner when they've got a gun on you.
: Let me get this straight, Bucko. You think I'm not going to pull this trigger because people might think I'm the murderer. But if I don't pull this trigger, you're going to personally see to it that I get killed?: I told you you was a smart girl.: And you're even dumber than I thought.: *hesitating*: This is your last chance.: Ahh-hawhawhawhawhawhawhawhaw! Come on, lady, if you was gonna pull that trigger, you'd'a pulled it by now.: I WILL shoot you! You better believe it!: Hee heeee! Look at the little girl, playin' all TOUGH! Like yer a MAN or sumthin'!: Rrrrrrr!: Ramona, stop.: H--Katie! Katie, go back. I have to shoot him. *choked up* It's the only way we're going to live through this. Go back! You have to get out of here!: Give me the gun.LaZorra: This is not the story Ramona told.
Crystal109: Hayley knows some elements of the story, though. She could just make up the rest.
LaZorra: Yeah.
: Your way won't work!: I know. I know that now. But killing him won't work either. Give me the gun. We'll tie him up -- how's that? He won't be able to do anything to us, and in the morning we'll tell everybody how we know he lied to us about Genevieve. The killer will give himself away by defending him, or by killing Buck to keep him quiet. Give me the gun.: Why do I get the feeling even you don't think that plan will work?: I do think it'll work, but even if I didn't, so what? If you pull that trigger, you could go to jail for the rest of your life. Is that really going to help?: ...: Give me the gun, Ramona.: ...: *sigh* Ok.: Here.: Thank you. All right, we're going to need some rope. I'll keep him covered, and you go find something to tie him up with, ok?: All right.: *leaves*asterismW: Yeah. Leave them alone.
: Well. Just you and me now, Buck.Nyperold: Oh dear.
: ...Awwwwww, now ain't that sweet? Big sister lookin' out for the little sister like that, s'nuff to break yer heart! HAH! Didn't think I knowed about you being sisters, didja???: You're wasting time, Buck. You and I both know I can't leave you alive, or Ramona and I will both be dead by morning.: HAHHHHHH! You got THAT right!: Unless you tell us who you're working with. If you turn yourself in and tell us all you know, we'll catch the real killer, and the rest of the household will be content to hold you both under citizen's arrest until you can be turned over to the authorities.10Kan: Citizen's arrest isn't used nearly often enough.
* Randy arrests SirDude.
: If you refuse to talk, killing you is the only way I can hope to save my sister and myself.: If I were you, I'd start talking now. Ramona isn't going to be long.: HAWHAWHAWHAW! Now you think YER gonna shoot me?? Pretty little silly GIRL like you???NessaChan: He's pretty calm to keep chewin that hay with a gun pointed at him
: Tell me who you're working with.: NEWS FO' YA, BARBIE DOLL! YOU GONNA DIE! 'Cause I ain't tellin' NUTHIN'!: So you best just shoot that gun, IF YOU CAN FIGGER OUT HOW!: Lemme he'p. That dangly bit? That's called the trig--: BANG! 
: BANG! 
: BANG! 
: BANG! 
: Goosey: what a dope
(blurry transition back from flashback)
10Kan: "Two through the heart and two through the head, and you can be sure that they're really quite dead."
NessaChan: She didn't talk about the Ramona Kicking bit
LaZorra: No, she didn't.
iwpg: That would have been before she got there.
Maryam: She did that before Hayley got there.
Sam: If you want to go back later, you'll find that actually neither flashback lies. They're both 100% truthful.
: Aw, no. *distraught* You're telling the truth, aren't you?: Of course.: Of course. Aw, man. I should have realized. You're not protecting her by lying -- you protected her by actually killing the guy. Oh, Hayley.: ...: But they'll still never believe it. They'll think you're lying to protect her.: They'll believe it.: Wait here a moment.
: *unlock*: *removes something from the safe*asterismW: Cool! *I* don't have a safe!
: Listen to this.
: NEWS FO' YA, BARBIE DOLL! YOU GONNA DIE! 'Cause I ain't tellin' NUTHIN'!: *click*Goosey: that shows some foresight for sure
: : It's all there. Every word.: We didn't go to Paradise Island to pay a blackmailer. We went to expose the Piper Downs gang. We made sure we had the equipment for the job with us. And the night I killed Buck, I made sure Ramona got the fresh start in life she should have.asterismW: While destroying your own. Smart.
Sam: If that's what it takes. That's love.
10Kan: She's been pretty selfless through this entire story.
: *sigh*iwpg: She has evidence that Buck was in on it, though.
iwpg: So it could easily be ruled justifiable.
asterismW: iwpg: Yeah!
NessaChan: yeah, the Jury wouldn't convict her at least not for much
10Kan: Yeah, remote island, big murder plot, crony swearing to kill you himself...
10Kan: I think she'll get off easy.
: I can't cover this up. I would if I could, but other people know about the boot marks now, too.: I couldn't let you compromise your ethics on my account in any case. You're a good man, Miles, and you should stay that way.: But Hayley! I have to arrest you, now. How can I do that? You know how I feel about you....: *smile* It's easy, Miles. You take those handcuffs, and you put them around my wrists.: *anguished*: Let's get this over with. Come on. Read me my rights.Crystal109: Oh, man. It's so sad.
: : : Thank you.: For what?: For being such a good friend.: I don't feel like such a good friend right now.: No, I suppose you don't. But you are. You always have been.: * Randy's waiting for the car to blow up
: I'm sorry.: It must have been hard for you, me being with Matt all this time.: Heh...*shakes his head*...only you, Hayley. I'm taking you to prison, and all you can think about is the welfare of the arresting officer.: *wan smile*: If Matt had made you happy, I'd have been fine.Crystal109: Dude, you are officially on my cool list.
: Look after Ramona while I'm away, would you?: Sure, Hayley.: She'll be fine, you know.: I know.: *smile*End of Chapter 10
Crystal109: Such a sad ending.
(fade out)
Crystal109: ....Wow.
10Kan: :'-)
Crystal109: That was an intense ending right there.
LaZorra: *sigh* :-(
iwpg: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... THATS-THE-END
Myrth: So... It wasn't Tyler after all?
Sam: Fraid not.
Kysle: Wait - the car doesn't blow up or something?
Maryam: But... how did they get off the island?
asterismW: The rescuers came for them.
Sam: Somebody noticed the helicopter guy didn't come back.
10Kan: Maryam: The coast guard eventually came to look for the pilot.
NessaChan: they used the fat man as a raft
Crystal109: Sam, that's a great way for you to talk about deep issues like repercussions. =)
* Maryam claps.
* Randy applauds!
* Crystal109 gives a standing ovation.
* 10Kan cheers loudly.
iwpg: Indeed, yay Sam!
Crystal109: This really felt like a movie. Way cool.
asterismW: Wait, that's the END end?
Sam: That's the end.
LaZorra: But . . . what about her sentence?
Sam: Or...well...
| Ramona served six months in the Kentucky Correctional Institute for Women. She currently works as a counselor for underprivileged youth in Columbus, Ohio, and visits schools nationwide to speak about her experiences growing up. |
asterismW: LOL
10Kan: She still has that hair.
| True to her word, she got rid of her ridiculous hairdo. |  |
Crystal109: LOL LOL LOL
TalkingDog: LOL
10Kan: LOL
asterismW: LOLOLOL
NessaChan: lolol
Randy: LOL LOL !
Goosey: LOL
* LaZorra dies.
Goosey: yes, much better
Maryam: That RULES.
Randy: She looks like a peacock and a turkey got together.
NessaChan: I especially like the green muppet hair in the back
| Hayley was tried for voluntary manslaughter in a federal court. Buck's death was ruled a justifiable homicide, and Hayley was released from custody. |
LaZorra: YES
Crystal109: Yay!
Goosey: YAY!
10Kan: GO HAYLEY!
| Three years later, she married her childhood sweetheart. | |
Crystal109: YES YES YES YES YES.
10Kan: WHOOO!
Goosey: yay!
LaZorra: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
asterismW: Happy ending after all!
NessaChan: woo
Crystal109: What a cute couple.
asterismW: GO SAM!
10Kan: Those must've been engagement cuffs!
| They currently reside in Cincinnati, Ohio, with their three children -- Ricardo, Sven, and Ivy. |
iwpg: LOL
Maryam: AAAH LOL LOL
10Kan: LOL
Nyperold: LOL
NessaChan: hahhaha
* TalkingDog dies.
LaZorra: SVEN? LOL
Crystal109: Awwwwwwwww. RICARDO. SVEN. IVY.
LaZorra: OH DUH LOL
Crystal109: THAT'S AWESOME.
NessaChan: and a cat named archie
Kalimeris: KITTY
Sam: I'm watching it dawn on you who those characters are in UBT #3 now.
Maryam: And he lifted way too many weights.
Randy: LOL
Sam: Hayley got really patriotic in her old age.
LaZorra: AAAAUUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHH
Crystal109: LOL Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! I NEVER THOUGHT THAT FAR YET.
Sam: YES! I knew LaZorra needed her memory jogged!
Crystal109: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
LaZorra: BAD MENTALS BAD MENTALS
asterismW: OH GROSS
Crystal109: SAM THAT ISN'T CUTE ANYMORE.
Sam: LOL LOL LOL
* Crystal109 claps for Sam's movie anyways.
Because the credits read easier without comments interspersed, here are the credits without them, followed by the credits with them.
Written and Directed by Samuel Stoddard | If it hadn't been for Piper Downs, |
| All the gang would still be around. |
| They lived life in a foolish way -- |
| They were dumb, says Cotton-Eyed Jay. |
Edited by Snook Draddots | If it hadn't been Julie and Matt, |
| Small'd be alive and still be fat. |
| Why did you kill? Were you down on your luck? |
| Why did you kill him, Cotton-Eyed Buck? |
Cinematography by the Cast | She took the Downs like a thief in the night. |
| She teethed on her finger in the autumn twilight. |
| Her men were her tools, and they put her on high. |
| And when she was done, somehow they would all die! |
Art Decoration by Google Image Search | If it hadn't been for old Big Red, |
| Piper Downs gang wouldn't all be dead. |
| Why did you play that nasty game? |
| Don't they know homicide is lame? |
Costume Design by People Who Don't Understand Tropical Islands Are Hot | She brought disaster wherever she went. |
| The hearts of the boys were to hell broken sent. |
| They all ran her errands so nobody would know, |
| That Julie Parris was the one a-runnin' the show! |
| Yeeehaw! |
Makeup by Random Splatter Enterprises | If it hadn't been for Cody's dad, |
| He'd be a good guy, and Crystal'd be glad. |
| Why does he wear that handsome suit? |
| Underneath, he's not as cute. |
Hairstyle by the Egad Please Don't Corporation | If it hadn't been for tropical climes,, |
| They wouldn't be so hot all the time. |
| Matt wore a coat, 'cause he was a prude; |
| Camille was skimpy, and Hayley was nude. |
Special Visual Effects by 733t Photoshop Skillz | If it hadn't been for UBT, |
| You wouldn't see this story from me. |
| Play some bots and click some links; |
| Here's to us, we're Cotton-Eyed Rinks. |
Hay Bales Donated By Country Mile Hay Farm, Dooby, Minnesota |
| -- |
| "Cotton-Eyed Jay" |
| WhizNex |
Casting by Samuel Stoddard and the UBT #4 Contestants | dir. Charlie Von Steppenwergen |
As promised, the credits with the comments included:
Written and Directed by Samuel Stoddard | If it hadn't been for Piper Downs, |
| All the gang would still be around. |
| They lived life in a foolish way -- |
| They were dumb, says Cotton-Eyed Jay. |
LaZorra: COTTON-EYED JAY
* asterismW applauds
Edited by Snook Draddots | If it hadn't been Julie and Matt, |
| Small'd be alive and still be fat. |
| Why did you kill? Were you down on your luck? |
| Why did you kill him, Cotton-Eyed Buck? |
* 10Kan does that crazy, freaky dance.
Maryam: What does "cotton-eyed" mean?
Crystal109: He has soft eyes.
10Kan: I don't know, but it sounds painful.
Crystal109: Unless it's before picking.
Nyperold: Give Buck the weevil eye!
It's a term that seems to have originated with the song, which dates back to before the American Civil War. Its intended meaning is unclear. From Wikipedia: "A list of the possible meanings of the term 'cotton eyed' that have been proposed includes: to be drunk on moonshine, or to have been blinded by drinking wood alcohol, turning the eyes milky white; a black person with very light blue eyes; someone whose eyes were milky white from bacterial infections of Trachoma or syphilis, cataracts or glaucoma; and the contrast of dark skin tone around white eyeballs in black people."
Cinematography by the Cast | She took the Downs like a thief in the night. |
| She teethed on her finger in the autumn twilight. |
| Her men were her tools, and they put her on high. |
| And when she was done, somehow they would all die! |
LaZorra: LOL
Art Decoration by Google Image Search | If it hadn't been for old Big Red, |
| Piper Downs gang wouldn't all be dead. |
| Why did you play that nasty game? |
| Don't they know homicide is lame? |
Costume Design by People Who Don't Understand Tropical Islands Are Hot | She brought disaster wherever she went. |
| The hearts of the boys were to hell broken sent. |
| They all ran her errands so nobody would know, |
LaZorra: "Cotton-Eyed Joe" is an old fiddle tune.
LaZorra: To which these lyrics are set.
| That Julie Parris was the one a-runnin' the show! |
| Yeeehaw! |
Makeup by Random Splatter Enterprises | If it hadn't been for Cody's dad, |
| He'd be a good guy, and Crystal'd be glad. |
| Why does he wear that handsome suit? |
| Underneath, he's not as cute. |
Goosey: ROFL!
Hairstyle by the Egad Please Don't Corporation | If it hadn't been for tropical climes,, |
| They wouldn't be so hot all the time. |
| Matt wore a coat, 'cause he was a prude; |
| Camille was skimpy, and Hayley was nude. |
iwpg: LOL
NessaChan: lol
10Kan: That's why I liked her!
Crystal109: HAYLEY WAS NUDE.
10Kan: That and the FRECKLES.
Special Visual Effects by 733t Photoshop Skillz | If it hadn't been for UBT, |
| You wouldn't see this story from me. |
| Play some bots and click some links; |
| Here's to us, we're Cotton-Eyed Rinks. |
Hay Bales Donated By Country Mile Hay Farm, Dooby, Minnesota |
| -- |
LaZorra: LOL
Crystal109: LOL LOL.
| "Cotton-Eyed Jay" |
| WhizNex |
Casting by Samuel Stoddard and the UBT #4 Contestants | dir. Charlie Von Steppenwergen |
Crystal109: A toast!
Randy: WOOOOTTTT
Crystal109: CHARLIE VON STEPPENWERGEN.
LaZorra: I'm surprised the dialogue wasn't *snnnnnnnnnnnnnraaararfffgglglglgllllfff"
But then there is an interruption in the credits....
: What did that letter really mean, Cody?asterismW: ?
Goosey: huh?
: It's like I told you. Blackmail.Crystal109: CODYYYYYYYYYYY.
Kalimeris: Cody returns!
: Must be nice to have a blackmailer that covers your pay-off expenses.: FOR KILLING MY FATHER!: *blink*Nyperold: Bloopers!
: *laugh*: *giggle*Kalimeris:
: ... We're not up to that line yet, are we?LaZorra: BLOOPErS
LaZorra: R
10Kan: LOL, outtakes?
Maryam: Hehehehe.
Goosey: YAY! I love bloopers!
: *laugh* No, that comes later.asterismW: LOLOLOLOL
CUT!
Goosey: LOL
10Kan: This just got 20% more awesome!
Crystal109: YEAH SAM. THIS MAKES IT SO MUCH MORE AWESOME.
: *swing*: *dodge*: *kick*: *recoil*: *pummel*Crystal109: Way too much fun on this.
: Oof!: *smash*: OUCH!: Oh my gosh, are you ok?: Yeah, I'm fine...ow ow ow ow. *wince*LaZorra: hehehe
Randy: LOL!
: I am soooo sorry. *cringe* Ouch, you're bleeding. Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry.Maryam: LOL
Goosey: LOL
Crystal109: LOL LOL
LaZorra: JACKIE CHAN OUTTAKES
* asterismW DIES
CUT!
10Kan: LOL
* Randy is hurting from lauughing
iwpg: Nice picture reuse.
: What did that letter really mean, Cody?: FOR KILLING MY FATHER!NessaChan: lol
TalkingDog: LOL LOL
: *cracks up*Maryam: LOL
Randy: laughing too
LaZorra: LOL LOL LOL
* 10Kan is cracking up over here!
* Crystal109 is grinning like CRAZY. Because she can't laugh and disturb the studying people.
: LOL LOLiwpg: LOL
: ROFLCrystal109: LOL LOL LOL
* LaZorra is trying SO HARD not to laugh out loud.
: I can't help it. I love that line.CUT!
Maryam: LOL
asterismW: LOLOLOL
LaZorra: LOL
Crystal109: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! I LOVE CODY THE ACTOR.
: Oh no, I think I'm FALLING IN!: : *SPLASH!*: You were SUPPOSED TO CATCH ME!
: *laugh*LaZorra: hehehe
: *laugh*asterismW: LOL
Goosey: LOL LOL LOL
iwpg: TYLER
: But...but I thought you might want to cool off!: Brrr. Nobody's actually going to believe it's hot out here. Give me your hand.Maryam: LOL
: *pull*: *YANK!*: *SPLASH!*: *gasp*asterismW: Yes!
: Serves you right.: Oh, man. This coat is HEAVY when it's wet. *laugh*LaZorra: LOL LOL
Crystal109: YEAHHHH.
CUT!
Maryam: Hehehe.
10Kan: heehee!
Goosey: heheheheh
Crystal109: Oh, they're having so much fun.
asterismW: Sam, you RULE
Randy: WE WANT JAY!
: Beauty of nature take breath away, whether 15 or 99.Sam: Randy: Nice call.
Crystal109: YES YES YES. SAM YOU ARE AMAZING.
Randy: I rule
: You're 99?: Yes. 99 years. Birthday is the day after tomorrow.: ...: What? Didn't I say that right?: You said the word 'the' again.Maryam: LOL LOL LOL
iwpg: LOL
asterismW: LOLOLOLOL
: I did? Oh, poo. I just can't talk like that. How long has this character been in America? Forty, fifty years? He masters every single word in the English language except 'the.' *laugh*: *laugh*Goosey: LOL
TalkingDog: LOL
Crystal109: LOL LOL LOL LOL
LaZorra: *pffffBABAHAHAHAHAHAHA*
: Who wrote this stuff, anyway?Randy: LOLOLOLOL
* 10Kan dies.
CUT!
Crystal109: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
NessaChan: haha
: Kalimeris: TYLERWYLER
LaZorra: That's . . . really cut.
: Watch his head!: I got him.: OW!iwpg: LOL
: Oops!: She said to watch my head!asterismW: HAHAHAHA
: Sorry! I didn't realize there was a chair right there.: Oh, man. That hurt.Crystal109: AHAHAHAHA.
Goosey: hahahaha
CUT!
Crystal109: <3
NessaChan: I love how tyler wyler's apple is unscathed
: AAGH! *wipes her eyes* I'm so angry with myself that you can make me cry!: Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me? Do you even care?: : You know what the kicker for all of this is? The big, bitter kick in the gut?: FOR KILLING MY FATHER!: Hahahahaha...: LOL10Kan: LOL
TalkingDog: LOL LOL
: :-)LaZorra: LOL LOL LOL LOL
Maryam: LOL LOL
: Get out of here, Cody, you're dead.Goosey: LOL
Crystal109: LOL LOL
Kalimeris: Oh Cody.
asterismW: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
iwpg: LOL LOL LOL
CUT!
* LaZorra is losing it.
* asterismW has lost it
TalkingDog: Cody rules.
Randy: CODY
Crystal109: MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA.
LaZorra: Crys: YES BAHAHAHAA
: Do you see this? *spit* Do you see that hock of spit? Aww, I got it all over your shirt, SO SORRY! Do you see that? That spotty snop of glit has more value to--: ...*cracks up*Goosey: LOL
: *grin* --DID YOU HEAR ME? You're a GLOTTY SPOT OF...SNIP....: *out of control*: ...a snocky...stop of...LaZorra: hehehehehehe
: *crying*: ...whatever it is, you're it, I know that at least.Maryam: LOL
CUT!
Goosey: That was great! LOL
asterismW: hahahahaha
LaZorra: THIS HAPPENS TO ME
Crystal109: LOL LOL
Randy: LZ: Mostly in chat!
LaZorra: Randy: YES
10Kan: LaZorra: Quit spitting on people then!
: Do you see this? *spit* Do you see that hock of spit? Aww, I got it all over your shirt, SO SORRY! Do you see that? That...snotty...glop of......sn-spit...: *laugh*CUT!
LaZorra: LOL LOL
Sam: This is proof. Ramona = LaZorra
Maryam: LOL
Goosey: LOL
Randy: O.o
: Do you see this? *spit* Do you see that hock of spit? Aww, I got it all over--bwahahaa...NessaChan: xD
: LOLMaryam: hehehe
asterismW: LOL
: Quit laughing! I can't keep a straight face if you're laughing!LaZorra: hehehehgehehehheheheheaaaaaaa
: I can't help it!CUT!
Crystal109: This is almost EXACTLY like a blooper reel. It's AMAZING.
asterismW: Aaaaahhhh.....
* Crystal109 breathes.
: Do you see this? *spit* Do you s...LOL LOL LOLCUT!
Maryam: Now he's absolutely covered in spit.
LaZorra: Maryam: Ewwwwww.
Crystal109: Maryam: LOL LOL
Randy: LOL
Crystal109: SPITTOON.
Myrth: "Ramona and Tyler spit scene, take 225!"
10Kan: This reminds me of those fictional bloopers that Phan wrote on her website.
Randy: Man, the last bit of this transcript is basically all of us going "LOL"
: NEWS FO' YA, BARBIE DOLL! YOU GONNA DIE! 'Cause I ain't tellin' NUTHIN'!: So you best just shoot that gun, IF YOU CAN FIGGER OUT HOW!: Lemme he'p. That dangly bit? That's called the trig--: BANG! : BANG! : BANG! : BANG! : ...: I don't think those blood packets are workin'.: *laugh* You're invincible!LaZorra: hehehe
Kalimeris: Hahaha
: (pop!) Hey, there goes one of 'em!10Kan: LOL
: They're just really slow bullets!asterismW: LOLOLOL
CUT!
Goosey: ROFL
Maryam: hehehe
Crystal109: LOL LOL
Randy: LOLOLOL
NessaChan: hahaha
* 10Kan dies. AGAIN!
LaZorra: LOL LOL!
Maryam: He has the accent in real life too. Hehe.
asterismW: Oh man oh man oh man....
LaZorra: hehehehe
Crystal109: Hotness.
The credits resume, first without comments:
Cast of Characters |
|
| On a warm summer's evenin', |
| In a chat room full of idlers, |
| I met up with the chatter. |
| We were both too tired to sleep. |
| Right next to his name, |
| I couldn't help but notice, |
| That shiny green [op] label. |
| And he began to speak. |
|
| He said, son, I've spent my time here, |
| Watchin' over this here chat, |
| Preventing incoherence, |
| So the regulars can talk. |
| But I'm leaving here forevar, |
| And son, you will replace me, |
| But before you take the job on, |
| You gotta learn to do it right. |
|
| You got to know when to kick 'em, |
| Know when to trick 'em, |
| Know when you're from Belize, |
| Or a fifteen year old girl. |
| You never throw out a lamer, |
| When he's ripe for entertainment, |
| There'll be time enough for banning, |
"Cotton-Eyed Jay" | When the pwning's done. |
Lyrics By WhizKid |
Performed by WhizNex |
| All operators know, |
| That the secret to adminning, |
"The Chatter" | Is knowin' that a slash possess |
Lyrics By WhizKid | Comes before a slash evict. |
Performed by Whizzy Rogers | 'Cause every n00b's a target, |
| Such as Gortman64, |
| Or K or Tofu Ninja, |
| Or sweetgirl651. |
This bot tournament is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living |
or dead is...seriously, trust us...entirely coincidental, oh yeah. |
| You got to know when to ban 'em, |
| Know when to scam 'em, |
No animals were harmed in the making of this bot tournament. | Know when you're from Belize, |
| Or ninety-nine years old. |
Except for that one time Mr. Small fell over and squashed a moose flat. | You never throw out a lamer, |
| Who says she's Cheyenne Kimball, |
And that other time a hawk got impaled on Ramona's hair. | There'll be time enough for banning, |
| When the pwning's done. |
But those were accidents. |
| -- |
| "The Chatter" |
Filmed On Location On the Tropical Islands of New Hampshire, USA | Whizzy Rogers |
| dir. Charlie Von Steppenwergen |
| The Ultimate Bot Tournament Will Return |
| THE END |
 Meow. |
Again, with comments:
Randy: MORE JAY
Cast of Characters |
Crystal109: Awwww.
|
iwpg: LOL
asterismW: LOL
| On a warm summer's evenin', |
LaZorra: LOL YESSSSSSS
10Kan: Yes!
| In a chat room full of idlers, |
| I met up with the chatter. |
10Kan: The one, the only...
| We were both too tired to sleep. |
| Right next to his name, |
| I couldn't help but notice, |
| That shiny green [op] label. |
| And he began to speak. |
|
10Kan: Awesome!
Crystal109: LOL
Randy: Karate Kid!
| He said, son, I've spent my time here, |
| Watchin' over this here chat, |
iwpg: Naturally.
Crystal109: BUCK!
Randy: DUDE
Maryam: Dude's gonna be in every UBT!
LaZorra: DUDE DUDE DUED DOOOD
| Preventing incoherence, |
| So the regulars can talk. |
| But I'm leaving here forevar, |
iwpg: LEAVING RINKWORKS FOREVAR
| And son, you will replace me, |
LaZorra: SMURF
Kalimeris: Tyler Wyler doesn't have luck with names.
| But before you take the job on, |
Crystal109: It's the camera.
10Kan: TD: ROTFL
| You gotta learn to do it right. |
|
Crystal109: MILES VON STEPPENWERGEN.
| You got to know when to kick 'em, |
| Know when to trick 'em, |
Maryam: ARCHIE!
iwpg: ARCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
asterismW: ARCHIE!
Randy: ARCHIE
| Know when you're from Belize, |
| Or a fifteen year old girl. |
Kalimeris: SANTA CLAUS Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!
LaZorra: SANTA CLAUS
asterismW: Santa is NOT that fat.
10Kan: Nor is he naked. Ever.
| You never throw out a lamer, |
| When he's ripe for entertainment, |
| There'll be time enough for banning, |
"Cotton-Eyed Jay" | When the pwning's done. |
Lyrics By WhizKid |
Performed by WhizNex |
| All operators know, |
* LaZorra is loving the song.
* Crystal109 is loving the song too.
asterismW: Oh, it's a song?
Sam: That's to the tune of the Gambler, by Kenny Rogers. Check it out in the archive, where it'll be more coherent.
Randy: The Gambler is one of my favorites
* 10Kan half-recognizes it.
| That the secret to adminning, |
"The Chatter" | Is knowin' that a slash possess |
Lyrics By WhizKid | Comes before a slash evict. |
Performed by Whizzy Rogers | 'Cause every n00b's a target, |
| Such as Gortman64, |
| Or K or Tofu Ninja, |
| Or sweetgirl651. |
This bot tournament is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living |
or dead is...seriously, trust us...entirely coincidental, oh yeah. |
LaZorra: You gotta know when to hold 'em / Know when to fold 'em / Know when to walk away / Know when to run / You never count your money / When you're sitting at the table / There'll be time enough for counting / When the dealing's done."
| You got to know when to ban 'em, |
| Know when to scam 'em, |
No animals were harmed in the making of this bot tournament. | Know when you're from Belize, |
Myrth: No apples were harmed either.
| Or ninety-nine years old. |
Except for that one time Mr. Small fell over and squashed a moose flat. | You never throw out a lamer, |
iwpg: LOL
LaZorra: LOL LOL
10Kan: LOL
asterismW: Squooshed moose!
| Who says she's Cheyenne Kimball, |
And that other time a hawk got impaled on Ramona's hair. | There'll be time enough for banning, |
| When the pwning's done. |
But those were accidents. |
| -- |
| "The Chatter" |
Filmed On Location On the Tropical Islands of New Hampshire, USA | Whizzy Rogers |
| dir. Charlie Von Steppenwergen |
LaZorra: LOL LOL
LaZorra: Bring your bikini!
LaZorra: And your earmuffs!
| The Ultimate Bot Tournament Will Return |
| THE END |
* asterismW give a standing ovation!
* Goosey performs a standing ovation
* Crystal109 stands up and claps REALLY LOUDLY.
* 10Kan hoots and whistles!
Randy: WOOOOOO
Crystal109: Sam, this was AWESOME.
Meow. |
10Kan: LOLOLOLOLOL
Crystal109: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!. YES YES YES YES YES.
Randy: LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
asterismW: AWWWWW
Crystal109: ROFL
Maryam: LOL LOL AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
LaZorra: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAYES YES YES YES AWESOMEEEEEEE
Crystal109: MEOW.
NessaChan: ROCK
LaZorra: YES YES YES YES YES EYS YES EYS EYS EYS EYSYES
Kalimeris: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! KITTY YAY
Maryam: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Randy: ROCKAWESOMENESS!
LaZorra: SO FREAKING WONDERFULLY AWESOME
Sam: Ok, NOW the UBT story is over.
10Kan: Sam, this is going to be a tough act to follow.
* LaZorra POUNCE HUGS SAM!!!!
Crystal109: Sam, that was amazing.
Nyperold: ARS GRATIA ARCHIE
NessaChan: okay, that rocked like awesome
Crystal109: Just the credits themselves were amazing.
Crystal109: And the bloopers...man.
* 10Kan just got himself unhooked.
Crystal109: 10K: LOL good to know.
Kalimeris: My socks are off.
LaZorra: Which is different from a Ticia pounce hug. This is basically me jumping at him.
Sam: Oof
asterismW: The bloopers were SO AWESOMENESS
LaZorra: YES
Maryam: Definitely needed those bloopers after that serious story there.
LaZorra: They were pretty much like watching real bloopers.
Crystal109: Maryam: For SURE.
Kalimeris: That was fun.
Randy: crazygoofyfunthatruled
10Kan: That was awesome. You're all too awesome.
Sam: Thanks for everything. You all rule to death. UBT #5 shall be sometime this summer or early fall.
Randy: You are all very strange and crazy and I love you all.
LaZorra: Randy: That is basically my standing RinkChat sentiment.
asterismW: 10: LOL
Sam: I don't offhand know that I'm going to do a story for it. These things take ridiculous amounts of time to put together. I wrote Wednesday night's story chapter last Sunday, and I've basically been working on tonight ever since.
Crystal109: Sam: Yeah, we all appreciate the dedication you put into this, Sam.
Crystal109: At least, I do. =)
Maryam: That's ok. I'm sure sometimes we just need a bot tournament without a story.
Sam: But if I think of a good story idea that won't repeat myself, I'll be a sucker for it, of course.
Sam: Yeah. I'd kind of like to actually play one.
asterismW: You could alternate.
asterismW: One with a story, one without.
* LaZorra votes for a regular tourney next time, and maybe something special the next time.
Sam: Anyway, about Miles and Hayley. It breaks my heart to think they'll grow up like that, but I couldn't possibly resist the joke, especially when I went back to UBT #3 and realized that I never actually gave them names.
Crystal109: Sam: That was AWFULLY SAD. But RULING at the same time.
Maryam: I thought it was just hilarious.
LaZorra: I loved it.
Sam: Oh, there is one comment I can make before my write-up.
Sam: Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Ramona would survive the story.
LaZorra: ME NEITHER
asterismW: I didn't vote for her because she was interesting.
Maryam: aster: Same here.
Maryam: I voted for her once at the beginning, I think, but then I thought the way she talked was funny so I didn't vote for her anymore.
Sam: I figured the first vote would be her or Genevieve. Great. After that, Tyler and Camille seemed to be unpopular for not being very developed, so those two and Ramona would be the next three.
asterismW: Tyler and Camille were just annoying.
Randy: I thought Cody would make it.
Sam: Randy: At some points early on, I did too. I'll talk a bit about why that had to change.
Sam: Cody was the vote that I overruled.
Sam: He didn't get any kill votes, and he won the safety vote. So I didn't just go against the vote, I totally turned it upside down.
Randy: LOL
Sam: Anyway, at one point Ramona WON a safety vote.
Sam: I was SHOCKED.
asterismW: You made her interesting!
Sam: Then I realized, dang, that's going to screw up my story. So the next chapter, I didn't do much of anything interesting with her. But after THAT, I started to know where the story had to go.
NessaChan: I couldn't kill her or Matt coz Hayley would be sad.
NessaChan: I couldn't stand to see freckles cry
Sam: Like I say, you have a soft heart. :-)
Sam: If Ramona had been killed, Matt would have turned out a goodguy.
Maryam: Nessa: You didn't vote to kill anyone though. :-)
NessaChan: Actually I did vote for the death of Camille lol but that was only once.
NessaChan: after I figured out I didn't have to, I didn't bother
Sam: NC: I noticed in one of the last votes, you voted to save somebody but not to kill anybody.
NessaChan: yes
NessaChan: I can't remember who I voted for though
Sam: Hrm.
Sam: Matt.
NessaChan: Yeah, I didn't really want to do that because I figured if Matt lived he'd be evil
* Sam breathes a contented sigh of relief.
Sam: That was fun.
LaZorra: That was an incredible amount of fun.