Here is a true masterpiece. While I happen to adore really cheesy and terrible horror movies, "The Paperboy" takes the cake. It tells the story of a twelve-year-old paperboy who is totally obsessed with his pretty, single, twenty-ish next-door neighbour. To get closer to her, he befriends her extremely young daughter and corrupts her mind with his evil ways. Throughout the course of the movie, the predictably-named Johnny manages to kill off several people in exciting different ways. My personal favourite was when Johnny's father announced that they were moving to California. After ever-so-cornily pointing out the state on the globe, Johnny's dad is whacked to death with golf clubs and then stored safely in the basement -- the boy can't bear the thought of being separated from his beloved neighbour. Another exciting murder sequence happens when Johnny tortures an old woman to death by pretending to kill her dog.

While Johnny is on his delightful murder spree, his neighbour is starting to become wary. At one point, she arrives home only to find Johnny in her kitchen, peeling apples with a huge knife. He tells her that he "only wants to make [her] some apple pie!" She gets very scared and asks how he got her keys; eventually she is forced to tell him to leave. Johnny stabs the knife into the cutting board and runs off, obviously on the verge of tears. HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO MAKE HER SOME APPLE PIE!!!

Near the end, Johnny becomes extremely jealous of the neighbour's big, nasty boyfriend. He attempts to kill him, but of course never actually witnesses his death. He makes his move on the poor woman when her daughter is at a friend's house. (I think the girl's name is, like, Kelsey or something.) To make a long story short, the boyfriend is -- gasp! -- still alive. Johnny is dragged off by police, gasping "TELL THEM I'M A GOOD BOY! I WAS ALWAYS SUCH A GOOD BOY! YOU GOTTA TELL 'EM!" The cliches and adorable cheesiness make this one of the worst movies I've ever seen.