This movie is the second in a trilogy. The first movie is "The Legend of the Dragonslayer Sword," and the third is "The Rage of Gina." This movie has all the same actors as the original, which makes it quite confusing. For example, the actress that played Susan in the first movie is now a different character, and there is another completely separate character named Susan! Also, the actor who played Steven (the main character in the original) now plays Steven's son, Woody.

This movie is different from the original in one significant way: it has a plot -- an almost entertaining plot, no less. I will chronicle it here instead of just listing the best scenes and lines. It begins with Woody (a kid in the first movie but now grown up), living alone in a cave. One day, out chasing a rabbit ("Come back here bunny! Hey come back here!"), he inexplicably finds a skeleton next to a rock. Apparently this dude didn't have the strength to walk, so he pulled out a chisel and hammered out a message to future people. The writing is carved an INCH DEEP into the rock. Woody translates it as, "Bury me under this rock."

So he obediently digs a hole next to the rock and unearths a sacred book. We know it's sacred, because it is old and important-looking and is featured in a bad fantasy movie. It must be a sacred self-help book about martial arts, because Woody reads it and soon learns how to do such terrifying moves as making his face glow orange and making his hands do funny thwacking noises without hitting anything.

Next we are treated to a truly stupid scene: Woody stands in front of a small lake, and, with a triumphant smirk on his face, he screams, "You can't stop me anymore!" to no one in particular. He then flies across the water, leaving a wake like he's riding a medieval Chinese jet ski.

Finally we meet some other characters. Unfortunately, they are boring and flat like Woody. They are: Betty (a random idiot) and her father (a solemn-looking guy with a stupid mustache). They wander through the forest at random and do virtually nothing in the movie, except later the father will beat up some people for no good reason and throw pie ingredients in their faces. The little family eventually meets up with Susan, another random fool (not the same character from the first movie). She follows them because her parents "ran for days, and they died of exhaustion! [Horribly dubbed sobs]"

Woody is eventually captured by a slave trader. How is this possible, you ask? I'll show you. Here is my personal transcript of the scene:

WOODY: (looking at a random battle) "What are they doing?"

SLAVE TRADER, BUT WOODY DOESN'T REALIZE IT: (pointing) "Look!"

WOODY turns. SLAVE TRADER puts a bag over his head, trapping him.

SLAVE TRADER: "You are very SUPER dumb."

The slave trader carries the sack with Woody in it to some meeting of the leaders of Ming clan, who are apparently the good guys. The meeting's intended message to the viewer is summed up by a funny-looking bald guy, who says, quote, "Six major clans trying to kill us! All they wanna do is kill us all, until there's nobody left anymore!"

Anyway, Woody (in the sack), Ming clan's leaders, Gina, her father (who, it turns out, is a Ming clan leader), and Susan all go to a "lighthouse," which is really just a random building they take shelter in. Sure enough, six major clans try to kill them. Just to add to their troubles, a monk named Simon Tsang assaults them in their war room. He is, in his own words, "stoned in the head." Woody easily beats him up, a feat you might think would be easy considering Simon's head condition, but keep in mind Woody is still trapped in the bag. His fighting technique is to fly around and make the bag glow orange (which seems to be his trademark move). After getting beaten up, Simon escapes (from the room), as does Woody (from the bag). Woody chases Simon around the "lighthouse" and eventually meets up with Susan. He calls her by name even though they have never met, and they somehow end up in a secret underground cave. Don't ask me why. I have no idea. Also, I'm telling you in advance not to ask me why the next sequence happens:

Woody and Susan seem to be trapped in the cave, which is lit despite no visible source of light. Woody finds a blank piece of canvas, and Susan tells him that it is Ming Clan's Secret Earth-Shaking Technique. She spills blood on it, and voila! She was right! Ming Clan's Earth-Shaking Technique appears! Determined to find a way to get out of there, Woody proceeds to teach himself the technique (in a sequence much like the earlier martial arts self-help book scene but much longer and with worse dubbing). Woody uses the technique by, rather unconvincingly, placing his hands against a wall and revealing a door. He and Susan walk out.

The rest of the movie you will have to see for yourself, and I highly recommend that you do. I'll touch on a few highlights, to further convince you that you MUST see this movie:

- A person sniffing a fake sword, with a dubbed sound effect that is so hilariously overblown that I rewound and listened to it enough times that it is stuck in my brain forever.

- A medicine called Human Super Glue.

- A horrible, incapacitating, potentially lethal poison named, get ready, "Clay Dough."

There's so much more in this movie. I encourage all of you to watch and review it for this page and write down all the stuff that I missed.

Rating: 4.5 turkeys, as good as the first movie in the series.

Scene to watch for: Woody twirling around when he talks to some kids.

Best line: Listen carefully. A yellow-robed dude Woody fights has a line that the dubbing people forgot, so we hear it in Chinese.

Things that make you go "Huh?": Clay Dough? Human Super Glue? What were they thinking?