We begin with the classic Star Wars ripoff scene with words rolling across a starry sky as a mysterious voice reads the words for the kiddies in the audience, reiterating everything they already knew about their favorite kids in spandex. Finishing with that, we meander into what this movie has of a plot.

The good people of Angel Grove, it seems, are holding a charity sky-diving contest (couldn't they have just held a bake sale?) to save the local observation tower, a much-loved landmark that has never been seen or mentioned before. The Power Rangers, of course, are competing. They all perform flawlessly, as their stunt doubles do a variety of nifty stunts interspersed with close-ups of the characters that are obviously blue-screened in. They net all the points (because the good guys never lose!), and there is much rejoicing in the form of them being congratulated by their buddy Fred and his dad. It is interesting to note that despite the fact that Angel Grove purportedly rests in California, every other citizen of the city speaks with an Aussie accent.

Fred randomly announces that Orion's Comet will be passing over the city in just two days, indicating that this is a point you're going to need to remember later. After this is dealt with, the Rangers all decide to go roller-blading, as skydiving obviously wasn't enough excitement for one day.

Next we get a shot of a construction area, where a bunch of construction types are constructing something. They find amid the dirt a larger-than-average manhole cover with a picture of an angry dragon on it. They immediately stop what they're doing and call the museum and the local archeologists, right? No, of course not -- it's in the way of their digging, and that means they have to move it. They get a crane and uproot it. Underneath it is a big purple egg in a claw, that rises up out of the ground in dramatic puffs of smoke (this is fun to watch, as the construction types get to wear funny radiation suits). The clever construction types play with it a bit before one of them gets zapped by purple lightning and knocked unconscious. Now they call the authorities, right? Nope. They post a couple of guys as a guard, and the rest of them apparently give up on their constructing and go home.

The Power Rangers get called to the Command Center so their mentor Zordon can explain to them about this egg thing: apparently, it contains a "morphological" being known as Ivan Ooze who once tried to take over the world. A bunch of other teenagers like the Rangers trapped him in that egg and buried him and his weapons under the site of the future Angel Grove. Gee, I know if the world was nearly destroyed by someone, I'd imprison him alive right next to the weapons he used to nearly destroy it, too. Please note that when the Rangers were called to the Command Center, they were wearing skating gear, yet it vanishes the moment they arrive.

Click back to the construction scene -- it is now inexplicably nighttime, though it was the middle of the afternoon about five minutes ago. The current badguys, Zedd and his wife Rita, let Ivan out of his egg and banter a bit. Ivan is possibly the coolest thing in this movie -- he is so completely made up, the only thing you can see of the actor are the whites of his eyes. Apparently, Ivan holds a major grudge against Zordon for locking him in an egg and agrees to kill him.

The Rangers are sent to the construction site to try to stop Zedd and Rita from letting Ivan out -- too late. He conjures up a bunch of "Ooze Men," and we have requisite fight scene number one. The fight goes on a long time, so the Rangers get to show off a bunch of cool moves and say a lot of inane things, climaxing with Billy's threatening exclamation of "One, two, three, four, five, six!" And he's supposed to be the genius.

Meanwhile, Ivan raids the Command Center and says more "clever" things. He also destroys Zordon's time warp, which apparently turns Zordon from a floating head to an old man under a weird blanket and makes him rapidly lose strength. However, instead of killing him cleanly and blowing the Chamber sky-high, Ivan up and leaves. The Rangers randomly lose their powers, even though blowing up the Power Chamber has never done a lot to hurt their powers before. Who cares? They needed an excuse to go out and get new ones. They return to what's left of the Chamber and converse with Zordon and the robot Alpha. Alpha informs them that it is *just barely* possible that there *just might* be some new powers on the distant planet of Phaedos, so the Rangers use up the last of what little power they have to go there.

Ivan goes back to the badguy base on the moon to gloat. He overthrows the old villains by putting them in a snow globe. (Yes, really.) Then he conjures up a bunch of crow monsters from a booger. (Yes, really.) He sends the crows to fight the Rangers, and we get another pointless battle scene. The Rangers turn out to be helpless against the crows but are saved in the nick of time by a beautiful alien woman in a green bikini (who also speaks with an Aussie accent). She quarrels a bit with the Rangers, but when they use the magical name of Zordon, she decides they must be okay (as if the badguys couldn't say they were working for Zordon as easily as a goodguy). If you watch closely, you can see a segment where Tommy's lips don't match what he's saying because someone changed the line and was too cheap to re-film the scene.

Meanwhile, Ivan decides he's going to rebuild his weapons, the Ecto-Morphicons. Despite the fact that he can create his own monsters from globs of snot, he decides it would be more amusing to embark on an elaborate plan instead. His elaborate plan is taken straight out of the movie "The Stuff." No lie. Go watch it -- it's exactly the same: He conjures up a load of gooey purple stuff, which turns people into zombies -- but only parents. Kids can play with it, even eat it, and suffer no harm. Makes me wonder if adults who weren't parents would be affected. Throughout the whole movie, they say only that the parents of Angel Grove have vanished, no one else. Free from their parents and encouraged by Ivan Ooze, the kids go around throwing wild, unsupervised parties in which they don't do half the things kids would really do if you left them alone that long. Luckily, our boy Fred remembers that his parents and teachers always told him not to do drugs or eat blobs of purple slime, so he's okay. He sets out in search of the missing parents.

Back on Phaedos, the warrior-lady Dulcea has led the Rangers to her hidden temple, where they undergo a magical ritual to give them cool ninja costumes. She explains to them that each of them is affiliated with an animal spirit, prompting Adam to say one of the best lines in the whole movie: "I'm a frog." Then she turns into an owl, a la Jareth from Labyrinth, and flies away, leaving the kids to trek through the uncharted jungle in search of the Monolith and its sacred powers.

There is a random scene at the construction area where a number of things happen. The most interesting is that Ivan and Co. make a fat construction worker ballet dance for no particular reason. However, we don't spend long on this, as more important things must happen. The crows arrive and report their failure to defeat the Rangers, so Ivan blows them all to bits in a fit of pique, just because that's what badguys do to erring soldiers. Fred also discovers that this is where the parents are being hidden. The construction area is right in the middle of downtown Angel Grove, and yet news reports are being run that parents all over the city are missing. Go figure.

The Rangers wander through the woods. They fight with a skeleton. They fight with some moving statues. Plotwise, NOTHING HAPPENS for at least fifteen minutes. If you are watching this for the plot, go make some popcorn. No, scratch that. If you were watching this for the plot, you probably already left. Anyway, the Rangers get past the monsters by means of their courage, intellect, and inherent ability to defy gravity, and they get their new powers. They look just like the old ones, except with different pictures on their Power Coins. Ooh, wow. Watch closely, and you'll see that the special effects team assigned the wrong animal to the wrong teenager. They hurriedly return to Angel Grove, where they run to save their mentor's life. Right? No, they hang around the streets for a while picking fights with Ivan's goons.

While the Rangers were busy fighting with things in foam-rubber suits, Ivan's zombie-parents have dug up and assembled the Ecto-Morphicons. He decides he doesn't need the parents anymore, so he orders him to go back to the construction site and leap to their doom. Fred hears of this and hurries off to tell the other kids.

When the Rangers get back to Angel Grove, the Ecto-Morphicons (which look like big metal bugs) are stomping around blowing up cars and stuff. The Rangers call up their Zords and begin another pointless battle. Ivan and his flunky Goldar watch from the safety of the observation tower that funds were raised for in the beginning of the movie, and they get to have a funny conversation about the Pink Ranger's relative attractiveness. One of the Ecto-thingies gets blown up, and Ivan merges with the other to make it even bigger and uglier. He snaps the tower off it's long, skinny base easily and uses it as a weapon, destroying the Megazord's fancy sword before we even get a chance to take a good look at it, allowing the computer effects crew extra coffee break time.

Meanwhile, Fred has hotfooted it to the Youth Center where the kids are partying. When they hear their 'rents are about to take a dive off a cliff, they all run off to a conveniently unmanned monorail train, which they conveniently know how to drive. Ivan Ooze steps on the bridge, knocking out a big chunk of the track, but don't worry! The White Ranger and his Falconzord arrive, and what do you know? The Falconzord is *exactly* the same size as the gap Ivan made, and the monorail rolls easily over it and back onto the solid track.

The kids arrive at the construction area and are able to hold back the parents with a water-sprayer machine that happens to be conveniently located nearby. The sprayer machine, besides having no other obvious purpose, puts out a jet about as strong as your average garden hose and couldn't stop a grown human from doing anything...but hey, it gives Bulk and Skull something to do.

Tommy rejoins the team and the fight with Ivan begins in earnest. They realize they're causing a lot of property damage and decide to fly off into space where they can't hurt anything. That's where someone remembers what Fred said earlier in the movie -- that Orion's Comet is coming. (See, I told you it would be important!) They manage to steer Ivan into the comet's path using one of the best tricks they use in the entire series, so I won't spoil it for you. Ivan dies with some brief parting words: "Oh, no."

The parents are saved, and there are joyful reunions all around. The Rangers return to the Power Chamber, say some sappy stuff, and revive Zordon. There are parties, fireworks, and Van Halen music, and all is well.

There is a brief amusing shot in the moon base, where the flunky-monsters play at being lords of the universe. The final closing music starts playing: "Uh-oh, we're in trouble...." All one can say at that point is, "You just figured this out?"

Rating: three turkeys. Best if watched with some friends. Add another turkey if you're a Power Rangers fan or watching it with a Power Rangers fan, thereby truly comprehending what nonsense this all has been.

Scene to watch for: Taking care of business.

Best line: "The Brady Bunch reunion!"

Things that make you go "Huh?": Ivan is handsome?