This one is a doozy. It was done as an MST episode, which probably isn't very surprising. Mothra's in this.

It starts when a ship is destroyed out at sea by a giant lobster claw. The mother of one of the crew is still positive he's alive.

We cut suddenly to a dancing contest -- although it's more of a gyrate-as-much-as-you-can-without-breaking-something-contest. It's been going on for about two days, and the prize to whoever survives is a boat. Two guys drop from exhaustion and meet their friend, the quiet and pensive one of the bunch. The other two guys we'll call Goof and Brains.

Pensive, Goof, and Brains go to a dock, where they promptly steal a boat (if you look closely you'll notice it has the exact same name as the boat that got destroyed earlier). But little do they know that there's somebody already on the boat, a criminal who just robbed a bank and has a gun. They actually think he *owns* the boat. Criminal tells them they're trespassing but can stay the night. (?)

This movie, whenever it tries to show a dramatic moment, has this *plink, plink, plink* music going on. It doesn't fit at all.

The next morning, everybody wakes up to find they're out at sea. Pensive has gotten rid of Criminal's gun and says the boat is a gift from the gods. Uh, no, you stole it, remember?

They listen to the radio and find out that Criminal is a Criminal. No! They get over it after a while. Criminal makes a skeleton key and you just KNOW it's going to come in handy later. Right? RIGHT?

At this point, Pensive finally reveals just why he wanted a boat in the first place. He wants to look for his brother, who was on the first boat. Aha!

A storm starts, and the same giant lobster claw smashes the ship again. I think it has something to do with the names of the boats. They're all named the same. Maybe the word means something really offending in lobster language.

Our heroes (?) end up on an island. One guy (I think it was Goof) rants for about two minutes, yelling over and over that it's land. Well...yeah. We can see that. They put in right at the bottom of a cliff and decide to climb up.

Goof to Brains: "You climb up, you're a mountain climber!" Brains: "But I'm hungry!"

They all climb up the cliff, and at the top they find a native-type sword, meaning that there are or were other people here. They walk around a while and see a ship coming in on the water. Hurrah! They're saved. The end.

Nope. Sorry. The boat goes into a hidden bay, watched over by guards and towers. There's a whole military-type base here.

We see the second-in-command of this base, a skinny guy with an embroidered eyepatch. I could never figure out just what is supposed to be embroidered. The badguys (because that's what they are) shoot at two natives out on a canoe, and the natives transform into toys and get killed by the lobster claw.

Whenever the lobster shows up, cool spy-type music starts. It doesn't fit, but it's still cool.

The head of this base, a fat non-eyepatched guy, calls his second-in-command and tells him a female native has escaped.

This female native (who has a real weird-sounding name that I never figured out) finds our...ahem..."heroes" and of course joins them. The guards start looking around for the woman, and more spy music starts. Our "heroes" run, one of them still carrying the sword. They end up on a cliff ledge right beneath the badguys. The badguys think they jumped off the cliff and give up.

The goodguys find a cave entrance and enter. It starts raining outside. The woman prays to Mothra and tells Pensive his brother's alive.

Suddenly, we have a good ol' Mothra dance number, complete with the little twin ladies. The Mothra Dancing Troupe has gotten a lot better since last time. During the whole dancing scene, you can see Mothra napping on a cliff.

Back in the cave, the goodguys decide to attack the base. (Five defenseless people against 300 skilled guys with guns. Har.) Goof finds Godzilla's toe. Godzilla's encased inside the cliff face (makes you wonder what the heck happened to him in the last movie).

The goodguys sneak up on the base disguised as a bush (really). Goof stumbles (of course), but the woman native lady lets go a bird she was holding, so the guards are fooled. The Criminal uses his skeleton key on the gate. (I KNEW it!)

The goodguys run around randomly and unlock tons of doors. Goof finds a whole lotta smoke bombs, and they take some. Native Lady takes a big wire she found and wears it as decoration. Watch this scene for an incredible head nod from the Native Lady. She puts her whole head into it. I hope she didn't get hurt.

The eventually stumble into a laboratory. They ask Brains what it's all for, but he doesn't know. He dropped out of Brains School in the second year.

The Criminal walks around (obvious edit in this scene) and opens a big safe for some reason. I guess he just wanted to practice. They try to enter the big safe but find out it's nuclear and the laboratory is a hard water factory.

Then the second-in-command captures them. Criminal starts up the smoke bombs, and they sneak out oh-so steathily, tripping off the alarm as they go. Pensive gets caught up in a huge balloon that came out of nowhere and floats away, and Goof gets captured. Somehow we don't mind. The others go back to the cave where they found Godzilla's toe.

Goof is sent to work as a slave, and an old native guy explains everything. Too bad it doesn't make any sense. Evidently the evil base people took some natives from Monster Island (Mothra's Island) and took them to Infant Island.

The Native Woman prays to Mothra again, and another dance number starts. Or maybe it was just still going on all this time.

Pensive and his balloon land right in the middle of the dance number. He finds his brother, who's sort of a Japanese version of James Coburn.

Back on Infant Island, some guards run around, and Brains figures out to wake Godzilla to help them out. YES! That's what we've been waiting for! Brains uses the sword he's still holding and the Native Lady's big wire to make a lighting rod. He attaches the other end of the wire to Godzilla's toe.

Pensive and Brother leave Mothra's island on a canoe. They have a bunch of yellow stuff that evidently protects them from the giant lobster.

A storm starts, and the lobster pops up again. The lighting finally wakes up Godzilla. Watch for Godzilla's toe-tapping. More spy music starts up.

Godzilla and the lobster have a monster battle, some of it underwater. The scene alone earns the movie another turkey. Seeing Godzilla and the lobster play catch is priceless. And yes, that's what I said.

By the way, you can't be scared of Godzilla in this movie. We'll you can't be scared of him in *any* of his movies, but this one especially. The big lizard head they designed for this movie is just too cute to be threatening.

The goodguys decide to build traps for the guards, but Pensive and Brother get trapped in them instead. Everybody goes to save Goof and the other natives. They chat right outside the base, and some evil microphones pick up their voices. Real nice going. The Criminal gabs on about his instinct, and how he never misses a trick, and a split second later they're shot at. Har. The guards chase them around for a while. Luckily, Godzilla scares them away. Unluckily, the Native Lady can't get away from Godzilla either. So she just stands still while the other goodguys move in slowly to get her.

Cut to a shot of a boat entering the evil base's bay. Eh. Whatever.

Godzilla, all tuckered out from his big day, sits down on a huge rock and takes a nap. Awwww. Just as he's getting comfortable a giant bird monster comes out of nowhere, and Godzilla fights it. Godzilla wins. The Native Lady sighs. Godzilla rubs his nose.

Some evil airplanes move in, ready to blow up Godzilla. Godzila catches an airplane in his arms and blows it up. He swats another with his tail and chomps another with his teeth. He walks up to the base and has a field day stomping on a miniature model of it while a bunch of tiny planes and tanks and whatnot run amuck.

The Brother runs off to save Goof and the Natives (that would be a good name for a rock band), which he does, and some random scientists prepare to blow up the island. The badguys leave on a boat, but of course it gets destroyed by the lobster.

The goodguys and the natives make a huge net, and Godzilla and the lobster fight again, this time to surf music instead of spy music.

The Mothra dance number continues, and Mothra FINALLY wakes up. Like Godzilla, Mothra is just adorable. Anyway, Mothra flies over, teaches Godzilla some manners by beating him up, picks up everybody in the net they made, and flies off. Everybody feels sorry for Godzilla and yell at him to leave.

Godzilla blinks, and it takes him about 38 years before he dives in the water.

The island blows up. The end.

Some trivia about this movie: The lobster is named Ebirah, but it's never mentioned in the movie. Also, the Criminal is dubbed by Hal Linden -- pretending to have a Japanese accent, no less -- of Barney Miller fame.

Rating: 5 turkeys of thigh-slapping fun.

Scene to watch for: Godzilla and Ebirah playing catch.

Best line: "Something stinks." "Oh? Why do you say that?" "I don't know. It just doesn't seem right."

Things that make you go "Huh?": When the guys trespass, but they're allowed to stay the night.