This gem of a stinker starts in a completely unconvincing set made up to look like a small English village. This Creaky Old Duke (COD) is in charge of the village. And he has a pet bloodhound named Hubert. His butler is played by James Doohan, AKA Scotty from "Star Trek." The butler's American Niece (AN) is staying with him for no apparent reason.

Anyway, COD dies and leaves everything to his bloodhound and AN (even though she's not *his* niece), which angers the Duke's two real relatives, a cheap money-grabbing couple right out of the Stereotype Surplus. Money-Grabbing Relatives will henceforth be called MGR.

I must pause here for a moment to explain the dog, Hubert. Countless dog jokes and stunts that show off the dog's training abound in this movie. Sometimes the dog just seems stupid, and other times he's downright scary. The dog does lots of weird things in this movie like hanging from the gutters of a building with his front paws and then falling (with special effects so we can get a good view of its jowls flapping), wearing a crown and kingly robe, X-ing out days on a calendar (thanks to the help of a silly-looking doggy puppet snout), playing croquet, saluting (thanks to the help of a silly-looking doggy puppet arm), slapping a woman's hiney with his tail, burping, waltzing, wearing a tux, his ear flying up when he hears something, etc.

Anyway, Hubert the Dog is declared the next Duke of this small village (don't look at me, I didn't write the thing). And the AN is his legal guardian, and the butler is HER legal guardian.

In the meantime, the dog, the butler, and the AN hire a Nice Young English Guy (NYEG), about the same age as the AN, to be their cook (whatever). The AN and the NYEG start to get all gooey-eyed at each other, even though they're only like 16. Oh yeah, and the NYEG has a Basset Hound named Daisy that the bloodhound Hubert is madly in love with. You follow me so far?

The MGR (remember them?) look over law books and find that the dog can't *really* be the next duke until the Queen of England herself approves of him.

So, naturally, Hubert the Dog and the AN throw a party and invite the "Queen." And I use the term "Queen" VERY loosely. The party mostly consists of serving the "Queen" Sloppy Joes and, ahem, how do I put this...burping, only in the opposite direction, in the "Queen's" presence.

But all is forgiven, and they start a conga line. Really. I'm not kidding you. Must be seen to be fully appreciated (but don't handle heavy objects or power tools at the same time).

Naturally, the "Queen" is charmed by Hubert the Dog (how could you not be?), and so she declares him a real, honest-to-goodness duke. Everybody cheers, and the AN and NYEG get gooey-eyed again.

MGR then think of another plan. They decide to dognap Hubert the Dog's girlfriend Daisy the Dog, and then introduce their pet poodle to Hubert the Dog. The poodle and Hubert will obviously fall in love and get married (yes, married), so then the MGR can take over. I don't really follow their logic, but no matter.

Their plan, amazingly, actually works. Hubert the Dog and the poodle (who is named Couquette the Dog) plan to get married. Sheesh.

Meanwhile, AN and NYEG notice Daisy the Dog is missing. They start looking for her and pause their search in front of a disco club that came out of nowhere. I mean, a disco club in the English countryside? Sounds kind of weird. But then, I've never been to the English countryside, so there *might* be some disco clubs out there.

The bouncer of said disco club recognizes NYEG as a count, or a duke, or something. AN gets all mad, because NYEG didn't tell her he was royalty. Bear in mind that throughout the entire movie, everybody makes a big deal about how "royalty doesn't matter; all that matters is what's in your heart." And then AN runs home to her butler/uncle and starts crying and saying she's a fool (well, no argument there, anyway). Very strange.

Anyway, it's time for Hubert the Dog and Couquette the Dog's wedding. Hubert actually wears a tux, and Couquette wears an adorable veil. I hope that in my life I shall never see anything quite as ridiculous looking as a dog wedding. And everybody was taking this seriously, no less.

AN and NYEG make up (or something) and find Daisy and rush to the wedding just in time. Hubert the Dog changes his mind and goes back to Daisy the Dog. Couquette the Dog doesn't seem to care.

The male half of the MGR gets all mad that he can't have all the precious jewels that belong to Hubert the Dog, so he then steals them (funny how the MGR never even thought of that) and goes off in his car. The amazing action scene where Hubert the Dog jumps onto the back of his car and stops him had me on the edge of my seat. Mostly because I was doubled over from laughing so hard.

So anyway, they stop him and, oh yeah, *hurrah*. Hubert the Dog and Daisy the Dog get married in a lovely ceremony, and the guests of the wedding burst into applause that lasts for like three minutes. Jeesh.

The AN and the NYEG get gooey-eyed at each other.

The End.

And oh yeah, different shots get re-used in this movie, like Mr. Fox trotting through a field, Hubert the Dog chasing Mr. Fox, and the MGR driving up over the potholes. (The second time, you think they're wearing the same clothes they were wearing in the beginning of the movie, but then the scene changes to show them out of their car, and voila! They've changed clothes really fast!)

Rating: 3 1/2 turkeys. It's fun, if you don't mind brain damage.

Scenes to watch for: All the stunts the dog does; the MGR driving up and hitting all the potholes that were dug there on purpose (in one of the few genuinely funny parts of the movie); the male half of the MGR writhing (translation: overacting) in pain during the croquet game (and for no reason); and the food fight at the wedding that breaks out for no reason while James Doohan shuffles around sadly (in another of the few genuinely funny parts).

Best line: "Thank you Mr. Fox, for another great hunt."

Things that make you go "Huh?": Lots of stuff. Like the bizarre stunts that Hubert the dog does; the strange, bad, AND out-of-place songs that occur at the COD's funeral, while getting the party ready for the "Queen", during the party, and at the very end and ending credits; why the action in the first half of the movie is in slow-mo every ten minutes; why they serve sloppy joes to the "Queen"; the MGR's incessant whining and cackling; and mostly the "Queen." I could just say the whole movie, I guess.