As you can guess from the title, this movie is about Frankenstein. But that's where all similarities between the plot and the title end. The monster doesn't look like Frankenstein, he doesn't act like Frankenstein, he doesn't have any of the characteristics of Frankenstein, and he doesn't conquer the world.

A bit of background: Apparently, the Third Reich of the Nazi army found Frankenstein's heart during World War II and sent it to Japan to be studied. They wanted to find out the secret of immortality or something. A little boy got a hold of it somehow, and I think he ate it. It was never very clear.

The point is that he is now Frankenstein, and some scientists take him in to study him. They feed him lots of protein. Watch for that part. They say protein many times in this movie.

But before that happens, we see some cars and a dock that look like they are made out of Legos. It supposed to be an army base or something like that. A huge lizard breaks it apart. The army flees in terror. I can't describe how funny the lizard looks as he peeks his eyes through a crack in the dock and looks this way and that before going back underwater.

The beast is named Baragon. Apparently he was so popular in this movie that he "starred" in his own shortly thereafter. Baragon has floppy ears that look like elephant ears. He also has a Christmas tree light attached to his forehead, and there is a plastic horn with an orange blinking light underneath it. On for two seconds, off for two. On. Off. On. Off.

Up close, Baragon looks like a guy in a latex suit crawling along the ground.

Meanwhile, Frankenstein has been placed in a cell below ground. I don't know why. A scientist goes to Frankfurt, Germany, to talk to a hilarious German man about the monster. To determine if the monster is really Frankenstein, we are told, you have to cut off one of its limbs. If it grows back, it is truly Frankenstein.

The scientist returns with this knowledge. No time has passed at all in Japan. One woman is in love with the monster and won't let the others cut off its arm. But it doesn't matter, because its hand is going to fall off shortly anyway.

A movie crew comes to film Frankenstein in his basement where he is held by handcuffs and some metal bars. Big lights are turned on, and Frankenstein goes nuts. Later our "heroes" come down and find nothing but a hand in Frankenstein's cell. They go and put it in a bucket of water, saying they are "soaking it in liquid protein."

Frankenstein, as we next see him, has grown to a size of about 400 feet. Why? Because. That's why.

All we know is that he has to get lots of protein. In order to fulfill this, the monster eats things like seagulls and wild boar. I think. The seagull actually looked like a black dot attached to a wire, and the wild boar was more like a rolled up sock.

The army is looking for Frankenstein after he goes missing. A wonderful conversation occurs when an officer gets a phone call:

Officer: "Hello?"

Voice: "Hello. We have reports of a dog gone missing in the Okasaka area."

Officer: "How does this concern us?"

Voice: "The dog is not missing. It was eaten."

Officer: "You think Frankenstein is involved in this?"

Voice: "We have come to that conclusion, yes."

At the same time this is happening, Baragon is destroying mountains and eating people. Plastic toy tanks are brought in to attack him.

The scientists are still looking for Frankenstein. They follow the pattern of destroyed cities on a map, knowing full well that it is NOT Frankenstein who is responsible. They have a theory about where he is going. They think he misses the Swiss Alps, and so he is heading towards the mountains. I have no idea how they came to such a conclusion. The best part is that they are wrong.

A lot of totally ridiculous stuff happens next. I can't even try to describe it. At the end Frankenstein and Baragon meet on top of a hill, where they fight in front of a movie screen displaying footage of a forest burning. If you've ever seen a Japanese monster movie, then you'll know what the fight is like.

The version I saw was dubbed and Americanized. In the original Japanese version, after Frankenstein defeats Baragon, he goes underground and fights with a giant octopus. I'm sorry I missed it.

Rating: 4 turkeys.