We know this movie is going to be bad from the second we read the title. Anything with '2000' in the title is virtually guarenteed a spot on this page. Blues Brothers 2000, Godzilla 2000, and the recent Dracula 2000.

First off, the entire movie is told as though it is a newscast. All the important events happen off-screen, and we are told secondhand by the reporters. Some might call this a creative twist by the director, but I personally think it was to help disguise the fact that neither of the main characters could act their way out of a paper sack.

I missed the first hour or so of this movie, but thanks to the annoying tendency for them to repeat everything important that had already happened every five minutes, I caught up fairly quickly. The two main characters (who I'll get to in a moment) are candidates for President in what is one of the closest races in American history. This all takes place in (you guessed it) the year 2000. One can see why the writers thought this plot had potential. Nothing like a tight race between two evenly matched candidates to get the tension level up. Decision 2000 takes this potential and throws it away. The reason this race is so close is because THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO CANDIDATES! And we're supposed to be entertained by this? Give me a break.

On to the two characters. First off, we have the current Vice President, Al Gore. Gore is played by quite possibly the worst actor in the world. All of his lines are delivered in a complete monotone. He reminds me of Ben Stein's character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, but he's not nearly as funny. We'll call him The Robot. The only thing The Robot's got going for him is that his running mate is Jewish. The news anchors go to such lengths to point this out that you know it's going to become a crucial plot point later.

The other candidate is George Bush. Wait a minute, you say. Not the former president George Bush? No, nothing so creative. You see, this is George Bush *Junior*, the former President's son. We'll call him Son of Bush. Son of Bush is the governor of Texas. Yeehaw. In another oh-so-casually-dropped hint, we learn that Son of Bush's brother, Jeb (would that make him Other Son of Bush?) is governor of Florida. Say, Florida has a lot of Jewish voters, doesn't it? Can you see where this is going? You can, can't you?

So, on to the battle between The Robot and Son of Bush. (Godzilla is approaching! We must flee the city!) As already mentioned, I came into this movie a little late. Apparently, the news stations had earlier declared that Florida had been taken by The Robot. However, I was just in time to see them take that back and declare Florida "too close to call." (By the end of the movie, you'll want to scream everytime you hear them say that.)

Ok, pause. Back up a little. They "accidentally" gave the state to the wrong candidate? How exactly does one make a mistake this big? I'm all for plot twists, but they should at least be semi-plausible. This one just comes out of nowhere.

Back to the movie. We now get introduced to one of the main themes of this movie: waiting. For the next several hours (this is a *really* long movie) NOTHING HAPPENS. The Robot and Son of Bush stay evenly matched, until finally it all comes down to one state. Guess which one. Go ahead, guess. You said Florida, didn't you? It's Florida. (Gasp!)

After several more hours of waiting, (during which we are treated to news clips of the two candidates trying to flounder their way through the script) we finally come to the Moment of Truth. Florida has been won by Son of Bush. Congratulations, milk and cookies all around, movie's over, right? Wrong.

After an hour of wondering how much longer this movie is going to take to wrap up, we're hit with the next big plot hole: turns out the networks screwed up AGAIN. That's right, Florida is still Too Close To Call (tm). In quite possibly the only interesting moment in the entire movie, The Robot had conceded the victory to Son of Bush and was off to make a public speech when he received a last-minute phone call telling him that he may not have lost after all. In a heated phone conversation involving the word "snippy," The Robot calls back Son of Bush and retracts his concession. How the writers thought they could get away with this is beyond me. To make it even worse, we don't see any of this! No, like everything else in the movie, we are told all the important events by the reporters. Maybe they were afraid the actor playing The Robot would suffer a nervous breakdown if they tried to make him show an actual emotion, like anger.

Anyway, after more waiting, we're treated to Plot Twist #3: it turns out that a 'confusing' ballot in a Florida county may have led several Gore voters to accidently vote for the wrong candidate, played by Pat Buchanan, of all people. At least the writers got one thing correct in stating that no one in their right mind would ever vote for him. However, the 'confusing' ballot is the worst contrivance of a plot point I've ever seen. The only people who would be confused by this are the same people who would knock out a sadistic axe murderer and then try to slowly step over his unconscious body instead of dropping a bookcase or two on him. Come to think of it, I have a sneaking suspicion Decision 2000 has a screenwriter or two in common with the I Know What You Did Last Summer series.

And so begins the endless battle between The Robot and Son of Bush over the land of orange juice. I have to be honest, I didn't stick around to find out who won in the end. As I mentioned before, waiting is a crucial theme in this movie, and the writers are determined to hammer this into your skull.

Still, this is a classic bad movie. There are dozens of things I haven't even mentioned, like Son of Bush's tendency to sound like a third-grader mangling the script at a Christmas play. There's also the fact that while the makeup people went to great effort to make Son of Bush actually look like George Bush, they made no such effort with Other Son of Bush.

But the greatest revelation about this movie didn't come until the next morning, when I tried to discuss it with somebody. It turns out this entire movie is based on a series of Saturday Night Live sketches! And for some reason known only to the director, they decided not to use the same actors.

Rating: two turkeys. Worth watching, but only if you have a group of friends to make fun of it with.

Scene to watch for: Son of Bush talking about Canadian Prime Minister "Jean Poutine."

Best line: "There's no need to get snippy about it."

Things that make you go "Huh?": Is this review an April Fools joke?