This movie stars Dolph Lundgren. One thing you will notice about this movie is that Dolph is supposed to be this great Samurai from Japan. His co-star is Brandon Lee, a guy that just genetically knows more about kung fu than ol' Drago, but we could let that pass if it wasn't for just one little thing. Dolph is huge! I mean he's this great mound of muscles, slow, lumbering brute of a man, not a lightening quick, lithe martial artist. Some points:

- This movie has more shirtless guys than any ten other movies put together. I mean you got the whole bad guy gang shirtless at the steambath, then just in general for some reason, and Dolph is shirtless about half the movie or more.

- Dolph growing up in Japan? Just think about this. This gigantic, white, super blond, Hitler's physical poster child grows up Japan. I picture him stomping through the city, with the Japanese people fleeing and shouting "Dolphjira!"

- Brandon Lee's character is the comic relief, but he's not really that funny.

- Tia Carrere plays a Japanese princess or something even though she's obviously not Japanese.

- Dolph jumps over a car. He does a kick right over it as it zooms toward him. I think it would take a crane to lift him -- I'm thinking he doesn't have a four foot vertical.

- A sumo-wrestler guy ducks under water and sneaks behind Dolph. How someone who couldn't fit through a garage door could be stealthy is anyone's guess. Just a couple of shots of this huge guy swimming under water made me laugh. Maybe I was just tired.

The Final Showdown deserves its own review. All this shooting and running goes on, and Brandon Lee kills the guy who was Shredder's right-hand man in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," while Dolph goes after the badguy, Shang. He chases him down some parade going through Little Tokyo, and there they duke it out.

To start with, Shang turns and shoots Dolph in the chest. Yes, the chest. Not the shoulder, not the leg, not a skimming rib shot -- full in the center of his left pec. Isn't that where your heart is?? Lung, at least? It doesn't even slow him down. He just looks like someone kicked him, and then he's fine. He can even use his arm fine. Apparently this shot to his CHEST missed EVERY single vital organ, and since there is no exit wound it just kind of tucked itself in and snuggled into some of those non-vital chest organs.

Well, Dolph brushes his mortal wound off as if he scraped his knee and tells Shang to fight like a Samurai. So they grab swords from people in the parade (good thing they were razor sharp for a costume!) and go at it. They cut each other some, and Dolph opens up Shang's belly. Nothing happens. Shang's intestines don't spill out in a sloppy mess at his feet. Shang is fine.

Dolph finally rams his sword through Shang's stomach and then does the traditional Main Villian Death Scene or MVDC. In seemingly every movie there is a MVDC that has to be so unique, so friggin' complicated and drawn out that it defies all logic. So Dolph lifts up Shang and throws him onto some random huge wheel. Shang is immediately pinned, and the wheel starts turning. Then it bursts into flames, and so does he.

Ok, now Dolph has been shot IN THE CHEST, cut about half a dozen times, and hasn't had his Wheaties in days. How in the world can he have the strength not only to hurl a person about ten feet in the air and twenty back but also with sufficient force to impale him in a huge wooden wheel?

So the movie's over, and Dolph, Brandon, and Tia Carrere all walk away hugging. Smiles and giggles.

Rating: 4 turkeys.