Repeat after me: he's NOT Hercules. He may dress like him, talk like him, and fight like him, but Kevin Sorbo does NOT play Hercules in this film. Based (if somewhat loosely) on the comics by Robert E. Howard -- the same Robert E. Howard who created Conan and Red Sonja -- "Kull the Conqueror" does provide more entertaining acting and more seamless special effects than the films based on the other comics. But, similar to its predecessors, it has little to do with the comic and even less to do with the title. But then I suppose "Kull the Kicker of Evil Sorceress Fanny" just hasn't got the same ring, so I'll forgive that.

Our story begins when Herc -- I mean, Kull -- finds himself in the middle of a brawl in the court of a king he's never met. In all of three minutes, His Majesty, in all His Majestic Wisdom, sizes up the shirtless beefcake with an axe and decides he'd make a much more fit heir than any of his family members, advisors, or noblemen who spent a lifetime in service. So as a dying gift, he offers Axeboy a cool gold umbrella holder and tells him to wear it on his head. Sheesh, and here we thought the man with no shirt in court was the barbarian!

Herc -- I mean, Kull -- quickly learns from his chief (gulp) eunuch that the weight of the gold umbrella stand is a heavy burden indeed. So he doesn't wear it much. He learns that a king has many responsibilities, not the least of which being the care and feeding of his harem. Among the bedsheet-clad pack we meet -- say it isn't SO! -- Sophie Marceau, better known as the elegant and breathtaking princess from Braveheart. I found myself crying out, "What's a nice girl like you doing in a picture like THIS?!" And yet there she is, playing a fortune teller who couldn't make ends meet (1-900 numbers hadn't been invented yet, after all) so she opts for a job as royal love-slave. But His Bare-Chestedness has more important things to concern himself with, such as...um...let's see now...oh yes! Touring a kingdom he's never seen before!

After an entirely too long period of this silliness, Something Evil finally happens. Here is the Evil Sorceress' Evil Plan: marry the king, murder the king on their wedding night (but don't REALLY kill him -- only make him "mostly dead"), blame the fortune-teller-turned-love-slave, revive the king, try to recruit the king to help take over the world (revealing the Evil Plan all the while of course), try to kill him once again if he refuses, and proceed with an attempt to take over the world anyway. So what we're dealing with here is an Evil Sorceress With Attention Deficit Disorder, played by Tia Carrere. How can you tell she's the Evil Sorceress? By the long black hair, silly! I would love just once to see a blonde Evil Sorceress, or for that matter an Evil Sorceress with Shirley Temple ringlets.

And what have we learned from this and other sword-and-sorcery flicks? Never underestimate the fortune-teller-turned-love-slave, who's still a virgin. (Talk about things that make you go "Huh?"!) By now there's not a lot of time left in the movie, so they make a quick trip to Save the Day so they can grab lunch by credits time.

Incidentally, if this didn't get the MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss, I'd be shocked.

This is a fun and visually entertaining bad movie, but it's definitely a bad movie nonetheless. I give it three and a half turkeys.

Scene to watch for: The climactic kiss at the end. With tongue, no less! The only way to improve this scene would be to have Our Hero use breath spray first.

Best line: The only one that sticks in my memory: "We've met. She's not that pure."

Things that make you go "Huh?": She's got an Ice Spirit living in her body. D'ya think she could cover up NOW?!