I've seen the reviews for this one already, but I never did grasp the phenomenon that is "Manos: the Hands of Fate" until I actually watched it. This film is the worst I have EVER seen, and I have seen "Plan 9 From Outer Space."

It starts with a family going on a trip and getting lost. They end up at a house with a Knee-Enhanced stuttering man named Torgo, who cannot make up his mind whether they can stay or not. First he says the Master won't like it. Then he lets them in. Then he says the Master won't mind. Then he says the Master will like the woman. Then he doesn't want to let them leave. Geez.

I think the best part about this movie is Torgo's Theme. It haunted me as I went to bed that night. I couldn't stop it in my brain. Anyway, the family gets creepy feelings about Torgo and his aforementioned Master. So they make poor Torgo carry their bags back and forth to the car. The girl's poodle is killed. Torgo makes a rather lethargic pass at the wife. She screams and calls for her husband but doesn't notice that Torgo is just standing there. He's not holding her there or anything. Then she decides to forgive him. Torgo rambles on about his Master's wives.

The kid wanders off and comes back with a rather tame looking "hellbeast." The father finds a bunch of women in white dresses in the woods. After this the plot gets rather murky. I didn't understand most of it. Something about the Master wants the wife for himself, but Torgo likes her too, and the Master's mad, and the wives argue about the intruders and have the wimpiest catfight I've ever seen.

So the Master (who looks an awful lot like my pre-calculus teacher) decides to sacrifice Torgo for his insubordination. He tells his wives to kill him, and they procede to slap him and grab his face -- to the DEATH!

I won't give away the stellar ending, but I will say that the end credits have that creepy "this is a horror movie, but we're playing cheerful music" thing going on, but it's actually effective because I was so horrified by the movie in the first place. In addition, the entire movie is intercut with a couple making out in a convertible, who are constantly shut down by cops. Go figure.

Scene to watch for: The dramatic death by slapping (during which the hellbeast sits there panting and yawns).

Best line: "The man -- yes! The child -- no!"

Things that make you go "Huh?": Criminal kissing? Death by slapping? Huge Knees?!?!

Torgo's theme WILL stay with you.