My hobby is collecting bad movies, and I've seen some pretty bad ones, but I think "Thunder Warrior II" is quite possibly the worst.

"Thunder Warrior II" first treats us to a painted cover depicting what appears to be a disturbed indian wielding a gun, while in the background there are some cliffs with an explosion and a helicopter.

It begins in some random desert town in the middle of nowhere. There is a family in a bar being harassed by generic punks. Our hero, "Thunder," walks in. He's a very effeminate tall Indian. He also has very girlish facial expressions. Our femmy hero takes a seat at the bar while the family tries to leave but -- SURPRISE -- the punks try to harass them. Luckily, Thunder comes to the rescue and tells the punks to "pick on someone their own size." The punk replies, "That's just what I intend to do!" And then...nothing. They stand there for about ten seconds, looking about with nervous uncertainty. Looks like someone forgot to edit that scene. Anyway, a meaningless fight ensues where Thunder saves the random family from the random thugs. However, he's taken away by a crooked cop and apparently former nemesis Rusty.

Rusty takes Thunder to some random Indian town that Thunder is apparently from, locks him in a cell, beats him up, and tells him how long he's been "waiting to get a shot" at him. To make a long story short, Thunder is released and then made a sheriff by the police chief, and Thunder realizes that Rusty is distributing drugs.

Now for the highlights before the gripping conclusion. In one odd scene, our crooked Thunder-hating cop Rusty is driving around with a drug dealer. He tells the drug dealer, who appears to be one of the random thugs from the random desert who harassed the random family, that he wants to stop distributing drugs because he's scared Thunder will bust them. The drug dealer makes some comments about butts, and apparently Rusty gets pissed. In fact he gets so pissed, he slams on the breaks really hard for no reason, all the while with no facial expression to indicate his awesome rage. Then we are treated to one of the best scenes in the movie. Coming to a dead stop while cruising at an amazing speed of 35 MPH, the drug dealer's head goes flying through the glass, killing him. This scene is so ridiculous, I was laughing for hours.

Later, there are some men robbing a bank. They kill two police officers and run amok through the city until Thunder brings them in. What do these thugs get charged with? Killing a police officer? Robbing a bank? Nope: evading arrest, reckless driving, assault, etc.

Still later, poor Thunder Warrior is framed for the murder of the drug dealer, and cocaine is found in his locker. Both crimes were actually committed by Rusty, but as you can guess Thunder is sent to the slammer despite the efforts of his drunken lawyer.

The prison is another highlight in "Thunder Warrior II." Due to repeated insubordination from Thunder such as helping fellow prisoners and demanding to lie down on a bed and not say anything, the cops lock Thunder in a sweatbox for eleven days. ELEVEN DAYS! No food, no water, no bathroom. And what happens? He survives with a token bead of sweat on his brow. Then he escapes by the most unrealistic and unbelievable means I've ever seen in a movie. He steals a car and drives it on a ramp that was placed conveniently next to the gate for him to go hurtling over. The cops pursue, and riots break out as the prisoners enter the melee. Thunder escapes.

Thunder hitches a ride into the desert when he is attacked by Rusty in a helicopter. I guess this is the scene that was depicted on the cover, but there's no explosion. Instead, Thunder latches onto the helicopter via a rope, and we are treated to fifteen minutes of a helicopter driving around with a rather obvious dummy hanging from it. Thunder escapes, and it just gets worse.

Apparently, Thunder is now very upset. So upset, in fact, he goes through his random hometown killing officers right and left. One thing leads to another, and after well over 100 officers have died (in a town with a population of 2000), Thunder finally kills Rusty. The police chief finds out Rusty was crooked and tells Thunder he did a good thing but had better leave town.

Now comes a really confusing part. Thunder drives into the distance while the stupid ending music plays, and at the last moment the police chief pulls out a gun, takes aim, and fires. For no reason!

Rating: 5 turkeys.

Response From RinkWorks:

According to the Internet Movie Database, there's a "Thunder Warrior III." I guess the police chief missed.