This movie just revels in the fact that it was made in the late sixties. It never lets you forget for one second that it was made in the late sixties. By the time it ends, you will have been subjected to so much bad music, drugs, dopey dialog, and sixties' fashions that you will hate the late sixties.

It begins with a twenty-minute (ahem) "dance" number consisting mainly of girls in gold bikinis squirming around. Then we switch to the diner "EAT" and meet our main character Michelle, who is also squirming around to bad music on a bad jukebox. (She is wearing a blouse and skirt, fortunately.) An evil version of Casey Kasem stops by for pie. A poet wanders in, waves a $100 bill around, and leaves. After this bewildering episode, Evil Casey Kasem tells Michelle his sister is a dancer in L.A. and can help her get started as one as well. Michelle, showing rare intelligence, refuses to believe him. Her Incredibly Oily Dad calls her into the back of the diner and slaps her in a scene totally devoid of any familial love. Her intelligence slapped out of her, Michelle agrees to leave with ECK, and so our adventure begins.

That night, our intrepid heroes run into bikers Bill Clinton and Tommy Chong who annoy ECK. He pours beer on their bikes. Michelle fears for her life, as they speed away from the scene of the crime. Clinton and Chong discover their soggy bikes and speed off after Our Heroes to "snub" them. They somehow know which way Our Heroes are going, and, catching up to them, try to look menacing. ECK shoots the ground in their general direction, and Our Heroes escape unscathed.

Sometime after this incident, they run into the poet, Critter, from the beginning of the movie. After brief banter about how they will transport his bike, he joins ECK and Michelle, and they go to yet another diner. The next scene is important only because it contains a MAJOR editing mistake that causes ECK to teleport. We are then treated to the first of many arguments about money that illuminate this movie.

After a random and totally pointless scene of ECK inspecting Critter's bike, they go to a beach and ride a Fisher Price car around. By this point, the audience has forgotten why they are riding around in the first place. ECK and Critter fight over Michelle. ECK pistol-whips a gas station attendant and steals twenty dollars. The writers suddenly realize Our Heroes have to get to L.A. sometime and quickly scribble in a travelogue scene of the Red Light District, accompanied by an incredibly annoying cowboy singing about yodeling at Christmas.

ECK's sister works at the Haunted House, which is owned by the Greasiest Man in the World, who doesn't like ECK, which is completely understandable. They finally convince Oily Man that the drugged-up dancer Joanie (whose act consists mainly of writhing and falling off the stage) is actually ECK's sister, and they all head backstage to hit her up for jobs. Michelle becomes a dancer, ECK becomes a drug dealer, and Critter becomes a janitor so he can ogle Michelle as she practices. More fighting between ECK and Critter ensues.

After proving that she cannot keep up with the other dancers, Oily Man takes Michelle to a party and promotes her to Head Writher (Joanie's position).

Meanwhile, ECK is working one day, when he is chased by a man with a huge widow's peak.

Meanwhile, Critter sells a song. He suddenly realizes that the people working at the Haunted House aren't the most upstanding of citizens and tries to convince Michelle to leave with him. Then, in a complete turnaround, he tells her she can't leave with him because he's a draft dodger. She refuses to leave, probably because she's as confused as we are. He sings in the rain and projects her image.

Meanwhile, ECK brings Widow's Peak to Oily Man and his Oily Assistant, and they concoct an unnecessarily complicated scheme to steal drugs from the local prison. Critter, who *still* hasn't left, overhears their plans and does nothing.

ECK and Widow's Peak get the drugs, thanks to the one unobservant guard on duty that night. ECK then kills Widow's Peak for no good reason.

Meanwhile, Joanie does more drugs, laments the loss of her pretty mind to Michelle, and passes out. Critter and Oily Man show up and don't care. Michelle gets promoted to Joanie's place again. Joanie wakes up and screams.

Critter tries to leave again, this time taking Michelle with him. Somehow -- I neither know nor care how -- another fight breaks out. Critter calls the cops. Fade out.

But wait, there's more!

Critter's joined the army and has married Michelle who is apparently a candystriper now. They are hitchhiking to their honeymoon via Burma Shave signs. The dance scene from the beginning repeats. The End. Finally.

Rating: 4 turkeys.

Scene to watch for: ECK teleporting.

Best lines: 1. "There goes --." 2. "I had a pretty MIIIIIND!"

Things that make you go "Huh?": What time of year was this movie taking place, and how much time was it supposed to cover?

Response From RinkWorks:

Whoa. If this movie is as unintelligable as it seems, I gotta see it.