The very first thing you see is a title card, "Amazing Movies Presents." Truer words were ne'er spoke.

We open on a some scientists (hey, they have lab coats) looking at an X-Ray of an animal and talking about how worried they are. They decide to dissect said animal to put their worries to rest, or perhaps so the [cough] movie can start, or something. We then see that this lab does its experiments on cute little tabby cats. They take the cat that has them worried, a fluffy orange one, and take it to some operating room.

Naturally, it escapes. And yes, it escapes by exercising its mutant mind-bending powers and clawing through the titanium cover over a ventilator shaft. No, sorry, no, it doesn't escape that way. It wriggles out of the guy's arms and runs through the OPEN DOOR. Yes, you read that right. THE OPEN DOOR. Well, the lead scientist calls out an alert to catch the cat, adding "Radiation alert!" Well! Guess they are scientists and know something I don't, but I figured if something is radioactive, you shouldn't hold it in your arms without wearing a suit or something. Well, I know better now! I'll bid on that plutonium bust of Jack Frost on eBay right away!

A bunch of guys (who ARE wearing radiation suits) chase after the cat and corner it. They are about to capture it, when it attacks.

Imagine the money guy approaching the writer/producer/director (and cameo actor) Greydon Clark, and saying, "You know, we've been asking around, and no one thinks a fluffy orange tabby cat attacking people is scary."

Clark responds thusly: "No problem. When Fluffy is attacked, here is what happens: the cat's mouth opens, and a shriveled up rat-like OTHER cat comes out of its mouth! It then expands to full-size, kills folks, and goes back inside the normal kitty! I tell you, this is terror re-defined!"

So, back to the movie -- Killer Kitty comes out of normal cat's mouth, and kills (off-screen) all the guys in radiation suits. There are huge splashes of blood that spray across the walls, proving KK is quite a foe. The cat then kills the scientists and the security guards and escapes into the world at large.

We're then introduced to various other characters, who might as well be wearing name tags saying, "Hello! My Name is KITTY LITTER!" or "Hi, I'm CAT CHOW!"

We then have a Wall Street type crook, Walter Graham, and his henchmen, Mike and Albert.

The remarkable thing is that the henchmen are played by actual actors, guys who have a filmography and everything: Clu Gulager (Albert) spends his screentime in full goofball mode, while George Kennedy (Mike) just glares and seethes at everything. "He stood on the set, fingers nervously drumming, glaring down from Mt. Crumpit and hating the Whos."

Walter is played by Alex Cord, who I keep thinking I've heard of, then realize I'm thinking about Alex Trebek. Well, they look the same. Cord has this amazing scene about 30 minutes in where he's trying to cheer up Kennedy. Other than that, he's just an oily, offensive scumbag.

Ah, but before the plot begins, we have this scene of the normal-looking cat being fed some milk by a Kindly Service Station Attendant. Said KSSA is then mugged and left for dead by some thugs. The cat jumps into the back of their truck, mutates and attacks the driver, and the truck goes crashing down an embankment! This truck must have about ten windows in it, because when it rolls down a hill we hear at least ten panes of glass breaking.

Ok, now we get back to the plot. The Victimettes "meet cute" Walter and are invited to his yacht. Before going on board, they meet the aforementioned Victims and Survivor, and invite them too. And a Victimette finds the cat, takes it as her own, and brings it on the boat. Walter doesn't want the guys (or the cat), but since he was obnoxious and his entire previous crew quit and he has to get out of town fast, he lets them on as makeshift crew.

This should send your Cliche-O-Meter off the scale. They're on a boat with a small, inexperienced crew, the ship hasn't been maintained well, and there's a storm coming! And, of course, they have the Killer Kitty to contend with, too. That's radioactive. And has a mutant cat inside it. Whose bite is poisonous, making people's blood vessels burst. Who by merely being around food, contaminates it. Ok, that part isn't quite a cliche. But there's a reason for that.

The cat kills them all, except the two survivors, who escape in the lifeboat to some tropical island. Kitty escapes too and is found by a little boy on the beach of the same island. (With a completely different host cat, I might add.) We freeze frame, left to wonder about the HORRORS about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world -- like a sequel or something like that.

Sorry if I ruined the suspense for you, but honestly, you can read who dies, how they die, and in what order (as well as the oh-no-not-a-sequel ending, too) on the back of the video jacket.

Those killed by the cat were killed in revenge for wronging in it. For the record, here's what they did:

1. Spat some wine at the cat. 2. Threw a popcorn (yes, "a" popcorn) at the cat. 3. Annoyed the cat by being brusque. 4. Tried to get a suitcase the cat was standing near. 5. Ate contaminated food right in front of the cat.

There is just so much more to say about this movie, so many things to [cough] enjoy. The cheesy synthesizer music. The cat suddenly sporting a convenient collar, not seen before. The "disco dancing" scenes (reminded me of George Romero's zombies being given electroshock therapy). The bad dubbing. The worse acting. The slow motion burial at sea. The sinking of the toy boat. The fact that the mutant cat seems to take forever to struggle out of the other cat's mouth (like Tor Johnson in "Plan 9 From Outer Space," trying to get out of his grave), yet no one just runs away. No one hears Albert screaming his head off (almost literally), yet they hear the splash when he falls overboard. The "shooting the radio" scene, and Walter's repeated dialogue. (There seem to be a number of "alternate takes" thrown in to pad the running time -- usually one right after the other, too.) The Kellogg's Corn Flakes box, with "Kellogg's" carefully covered. The amazing dialogue. And I gotta add this -- the fact that the cat is NEVER actually "uninvited" at any time.

I could go on for pages, but this review is long enough as it is. See "Uninvited," if you're tired of watching paint dry and it's too soon to put on a second coat.

The tag line for this film is "Uninvited. Cats have nine lives. You have only one!" So much better would be "Uninvited. Whatever."

Rating: An easy 4 turkeys. Maybe even 4.5.

Scene to watch for: Using a sextant as a microscope. (Can they DO that? I mean, really?)

Best line: There's lots of awful dialogue, but what strikes me are the cat's meows. It "meows" the way most cats purr. Like once a second. No one would have cats as pets if they did this.