What an incredible movie this is. In my continuing quest to find every B movie horror film that Dan Haggerty has starred in I picked up this little gem. Basically much in this movie is the same as in the piece of regurgitated dog crap that is "Elves" but worse at times.

In a nutshell, it is far, far into the future...or perhaps the early ninties by the look of the haircuts in the movie. Cryogenic freezing is a big deal now, and it's the "in" thing to do when your loved one has some kind of disease such as cancer, AIDS, or bullet holes that cannot be cured by modern science. There are even people who protest it and picket in front of the cryo-clinics. This old guy, kind of a wormy middle-aged guy (WMAG) actually goes into the cryo-clinic to get his wife frozen.

While he's in there, we see some dangerous, evil men run into a bank and rob it. When the cops arrive, they start panicking and shooting innocent people until the arrival of (drum roll) THE ASSISTANT BANK MANAGER!!!! The only reason its such a big deal is this balding, accountant type suddenly springs from his office with a roscoe and drops to one knee to steady his aim and shoots at the bankrobbers. This must be seen to be truly appreciated, as this guy just does it so dramatically and naturally, like he's used to it. (Maybe the bank gets robbed a lot?) Anyway, after this hilarious little moment the ASSISTANT BANK MANAGER gets blown away by the head bankrobber and then, in turn, the cops show up and blow that jerk to kingdom come. But wait! He's not dead yet, and for some reason instead of taking him to jail or a hospital under police custody, he's remanded to the care of his dad, the WMAG mentioned earlier, and is promptly frozen. Why? So he can wreak havoc in the future as well, of course.

There is a subplot where the head of the cryo-clinic is taking out all the organs from the bodies and selling them, so actually they're just freezing dead bodies. (Sounds like business ethics don't change much in the future.) After about 43 minutes we at last see the man with the plan, Dan himself. He's once again an exceedingly nice security guard. He is politely chatting with a female coworker, and she says how he must get lonely at night by himself, and then he asks if she'd like to have a cup of coffee with him. She curtly refuses and stomps off. What? I don't understand why everyone is so mean to this guy. I'd want him for another grandpa. Anyway, that night the cryotubes are outside for some asinine reason (yeah, they'll keep cold out there!), and lightning strikes them -- not just one or two strikes, either; somehow lightning hits almost the exact same spot forty different times, hitting every pod.

So you know the drill. It's the fifth rule of a horror movie that anytime lightning hits something it's to: (a) fry the evil wizard/despot, (b) knock out the phone lines in a house, (c) resurrect dead people and turn them into flesh-craving zombies that shamble around aimlessly, or (d) give power to King Kong.

So there you go. Lots of zombies that look moderately good. Dan and his partner, a very dorky looking guy with glasses (if I saw him on the street I'd beat him up just because), are chased by the zombies for a while. Then the dorky guy is killed in this surreal slow motion shot, and Dan is in anguish. He even blames himself.

Well, while all this is going on the WMAG and some woman (SW) come back to the clinic to do something and of course get stuck inside with the zombies. SW's abusive boyfriend follows them there too, and he strangely almost becomes the hero of the movie. There's lots of scenes of people running around and getting chased, but no one actually dies.

The zombies are diverse in nature: some shamble around verrrrrrryyyyy slooooowwwwwwwllllyyy, while others scamper and leap onto people. When one's arm is cut off, it still moves, but when one is stabbed in the heart with a sword, it's dead.

So the abusive boyfriend kicks some serious zombie tush for a while until he is eventually killed. Then the evil head of the clinic bites the dust: he had this huge sword, but he drops it to pick up some money -- ah-ha! A moral message against the self-destruction greed causes!

There is a scene with a forklift that almost looks good, and Dan eventually saves the day as only he can. And at the end, WMAG encounters his son. Every other zombie was deformed and kind of melted from when the lightning hit, but WMAG's son is a picture of good health. Oh well.

Rating: three turkeys.

Scene to watch for: The incredible ASSISTANT BANK MANAGER.

Best line: "So you're alone a lot, huh? That must be kind of depressing." / "Yeah, want to get a cup of coffee?" / "No, I have to leave."

Things that make you go "Huh?": Lightning. Come on, filmmakers, give us something original. Even life-giving rabbit pellets would be better.