No, this isn't yet another review of the horror movie that about three other people have reviewed here. (Although I did see the cover, and it made me giggle.) This is also not about the movie that was riffed on in season eight in "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" (a Russo-Finnish production that would be hysterical all by itself as well). This is a review of the most recent "Jack Frost." You know, the one with Michael Keaton.

This is actually an ok movie for the first twenty minutes or so. Nothing too exciting, but it doesn't suck. Then Michael Keaton dies. Some of you may be asking, "And this is bad why?" This is bad because the movie then proceeds to degenerate into a piece of crap that was scarier than that *other* "Jack Frost" could ever be. Because when Michael Keaton dies, he turns into a snowman, as anyone who saw the trailer knows. The way this is accomplished is: Michael (whose character's name, by the way is, of course, Jack Frost) gives his kid -- whose name my mind has blocked, so I'll call him Kid, because he is in no way distinguishable from any other movie kid -- this harmonica and tells him, in a moment of wonderfully subtle and beautifully pulled off foreshadowing (ha), "When you play this, I'll hear you wherever I am." Jack, it should be mentioned, is a musician who never spends time with his family, but this is irrelevant after he dies.

So I was real surprised when Kid built a snowman, then played the harmonica, and Jack proceeded to possess the snowman.

Then things got worse.

My memory of the movie from then on gets fuzzy; I recall a couple of "snowballs" wisecracks, not unlike the joke made famous by Dave's review of the other "Jack Frost." At some point, there was a scene when Jack saved Kid from the ubiquitous bullies. (Of *course* there are bullies.) And there's the beginning of Jack's second death: he makes his way across some black pavement, which was apparently sizzling hot despite the fact it was late winter, in order to attend some game that Kid is playing. And let's not forget Kid's backbreaking trek to get Jack up to the mountains in time, because apparently he lives near mountains where it's winter all year (this movie takes place in *America*). He's too late, and Jack melts, and the audience sighs in relief, because even though the movie is fun in its stupidity, it is also waaaaay too long.

And I haven't even gone near some facets, like the way Jack didn't mind cavorting with Kid in snowman form but refused to let his wife see him, or how the band he played in had a major gig on Christmas but spontaneously and unanimously decided to ditch, or the fact that his head fell off about five times soon after he became a snowman, then never did it again. And there's also the dialogue, which is the most realistic I have ever heard: many real-life conversations are, like those in the movie, interesting only to those who are conversing.

Rating: 3 turkeys.

Scene to watch for: The one where Kid discovers his father's reincarnation; however, if "The Blair Witch Project" played havoc with your stomach, beware -- the camera never stops circling.

Things that make you go "Huh?": How did Kid manage to get hold of the harmonica during the "climactic" scene on the mountain?